Following the Yellow Brick Road to Parenthood

Valentine's Day with slight chance of snow

2012-02-15T19:36:00.000-06:00

This Valentine's Day we got snow- granted, not enough to go out and build a snowman in, but at least get to break out the snow suit. Aunt Magen got Hayleigh this snow suit from Old Navy for Valentine's Day this year, so we HAD to get it out just for the occasion even though the snow had melted by the time I got home from work :(( I know that we will have plenty of snow to play in, in the future, I just wish we could have had one good snow this last winter here in Illinois to enjoy before we moved. Hayleigh loved her outfit, and snow boots soo much she was mad at me when I made her take it all off. She even trotted around in her boots in the house, again today at Grandma Sue's.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Wordful Wednesday.....TOBY!

2012-02-15T19:24:00.000-06:00

We just got home from supper with Allen's grandparents, and Hayleigh started yelling for the dogs again- her new favorite past time. Toby, our smaller min pin is Hayleigh's dog, and her absolute favorite. He wants any and all attention from anyone soo much, he will risk being smacked, ears yanked, and just tortured in general by a 20 month old little girl, just because he loves her, and wants attention. Toby is a good dog, and even though he never does come to Hayleigh in the video, does actually come to her when she yells for him most of the time.

It's Official!

2012-02-06T13:17:00.000-06:00

Well, this whole relocating thing is now a real reality. Allen made it official today when we faxed his copies of his acceptance letters of employment to Halliburton today. As of now, he is still to be in Williston, ND on March 5th.

So, now that the ball is rolling on that front, we have been house hunting for a place to rent to the point my eyes feel like they are crossed. We know that housing in the area Allen will be in will be next to impossible, so we are looking into around the Shepard/ Billings area for now. We should have a better idea about where we will be living after Allen gets out there, and can actually go around and see the area.

I am now very overwhelmed over the need to start packing up stuff here at home before I procrastinate until the last minute.

As for things going on right now, Hayleigh was sick Friday with the flu. Poor girl! She has been teething- 4 molars coming in all at once, so she has been stuffy, grouchy,not sleeping well, and running a slight fever from that. Add the teething with flu and that equals a mommy ready to pull her hair out. That's is how I felt Friday. I ended up staying home with Hayleigh, so Allen could go and get fingerprinted for his Hazmat endorsement. The whole day, Hayleigh was whinny, crying, running a fever- NOT HAPPY AT ALL. I was giving her medicine around the clock for the fever/pain from the teething, but for the flu- there was not much I could do. We made Jello, and she ate that with some fruit- and had some milk, only to throw it all up 5 times later that afternoon/evening. Not so funny thing when a kid pukes- she would try to run away after throwing up, the dogs tried to go to the puke and eat it, I'm trying to get Hayleigh to stay in one place, and keep the dogs out of the mess. YUCK is all I have to say about that.

Saturday was a better day- just slight fever from teething, and CRANKY. She sure has turned into Ms. Cranky pants. I cannot wait until those teeth finally break through!

Sunday, was spent relaxing, cleaning, cooking, and visiting with friends. We watched part of the superbowl, and that was pretty much it. I couldn't sleep last night, trying to figure out what we would be doing a few months from now- just worrying about everything I possibly could.

One of the very few times Hayleigh was really happy, was when we caught her doing this:

From Limbo to High Gear Part Deux

2012-02-02T17:47:00.000-06:00

continued from Tuesday's post:

Yesterday, Allen had his phone interview with Halliburton. I was at work while this was going on, and just as soon as Allen got off of the phone interview, he called me at work. He was soo excited! I cannot tell you just how great that was to hear the excitement and hope in his voice again. The person that interviewed Allen was very reassuring to him, and basically told him he would be getting a call with a job offer just as soon as he could report back to HR. This afternoon, the same lady who had called two days prior, called Allen again. This time she had a job offer! Allen was told if he wanted to accept the job offer, he needed to be in Williston, ND on March 5th to start training. Allen was smiling when he was on the phone with the lady, discussing the different things he would need to get in order for when he would make the trip out. Allen got off of the phone finally, and gave both me and Hayleigh hugs and kisses.

Through all of this long wait, it has finally paid off. We never did think we would ever be doing this, but God has a plan for us. Even though we are going through hard times, and may not be able to see what good can come out of a situation, we have to trust that there is a plan. I know I have a very hard time accepting this a lot of the time- I have to have a plan of my own.

As for if this will all work out, only time will tell. Allen will be spending a month and a half to two months out there before we will go- to make sure this will work. I imagine we will be flying up there for a few days to look at homes to rent, and the area in general before we make the big move up.

For now, we are happy that Allen has a job, and our plan is now kicked into drive. This is our chance to have a better life for our family, and I hope that this is it!

From Limbo to Possibly Slamming into High Gear

2012-01-31T14:14:00.000-06:00

For the past week, it has felt like we have been stuck in limbo between the future - we are heading to that will be a huge change for us, and starring into the present, and past that is the normal what we are used to but just doesn't seem like normal anymore. We are in transition, preparing for what is to come, and I'm trying to hang onto "now", trying to enjoy being here.

Friday, we told my mom what the plans are for the months to follow. She was angry, and I can't say that I blame her. She looked like a truck just hit her. I just kept telling her that I was sorry, but we didn't know what else to do. She hung onto Hayleigh about to cry. Hayleigh had her picture of her and Santa from this last Christmas out, pointing at Santa, saying, "Ho, HO, HO!" My mom told Hayleigh that she was never going to see THAT Santa ever again. I know how she feels- when I feel helpless, I get angry too. I told my mom, this is not good bye for good- we can make plans for just Hayleigh and I to fly back for things like that through the week sometime. I can get plane tickets cheaper, if we can buy them well enough in advance. I told her this, and told her she can always come and see us too. I also told her the part that makes me cry about Hayleigh not being with my mom, is Hayleigh has her own room at my mom's house, and Hayleigh won't be there every week anymore, playing, or spending the night. She will have to make many changes, just like everyone else this is effecting. Mom will have to get internet, xbox, and a kinnect. We use ours to talk for free and video chat- kind of like skype with Allen's dad and step mom- we open gifts together at Christmas, and just visit. Hayleigh gets to see and hear her grandparents, and they get to see her show off and play.

Many people close to us are angry... angry at us, and at the world, angry for us having to leave. I can't blame them. I feel like I'm sitting on a fence post, torn between two worlds. On one hand, it is exciting- moving to a new area that is just beautiful, there are many things to do and enjoy, hunting that I've only dreamed about, and living by the mountains with NO HUMIDITY!!! All of this with us making a good living and life for our family. On the other side sits our families back home here, sad, hurt, and angry, and ALONE. My sister lives a couple of hours away from home as well, and tries to come back every month or so for the weekend. After we are gone, my mom will be ALONE- no us, no Hayleigh to make her happy. Magen will still be coming home to visit with her boyfriend Brad, but, we won't be here, and she won't get to see Hayleigh, we won't get to go out to Joe's for pizza late on Friday night, and laugh at what cute things Hayleigh is doing. Allen's grandparents only have us here as well. Fridays are their day with Hayleigh. I bring her over bright and early before I go to work in her pajamas- they all play and have a good time. Allen and I come by after I get off of work and visit for the afternoon, and then we sometimes go out to eat. Hayleigh has her stuff over at their house as well- things she has to see, or do when she is there, Grandpa's windmill, that is his and Hayleigh's to watch and treasure. She gets excited when she sees any of them, jumping up and down, smiling, and raising her arms in the air, wanting picked up. Just seeing them all light up because of her- that HURTS the most. Of course I'm sitting here thinking about all of this crying, I guess it is how I cope with it all.

I hate feeling torn. The most important thing we have to keep thinking, and remembering is we are doing this for our future, for Hayleigh- not to hurt everyone. We are not just picking up and moving because we want to- it is because we have to go to make our future better.

I know once we get out to Montana, we should be fine. It will be very hard, but I know in my heart we can do it, and will make it work. Allen is planning on going the middle of April and staying for a few months working, making sure this will work, and will be house hunting with me over the phone, and online. Hopefully by the time he comes back to get us and our stuff- we will have a place ready to move into, and Allen will have adjusted to a new job. I know that no matter how hard we think this will be after we move, it will probably be the hardest on us while Allen is in Montana, and we are still here in Olney, waiting to make sure this will all work out. Allen will be away from us for a month and a half most likely. If everything goes to plan, we are planning on leaving just after Hayleigh's birthday- literally after that weekend. This is all based on if everything goes how we think it will, and will probably change a million times until then.

Today, I looked at what the community had to offer, events, facilities, the library, etc. I also looked at the schools, and was completely overwhelmed. Like I've said before, I have had Hayleigh's school figured out since before she was born- she was going to St Joe- here in town. We wanted smaller classes, with numbers proving that students there came away with a better education. I looked at the Catholic schools there in Billings today, and it immediately depressed me. In our area, our Catholic school is very laid back, and simple, along with the church I grew up in. I guess the way to best explain it all is there are churches that are very hard core and strict, and some who are more easy going. To get a baby baptised at their church, Godparents have to be no younger than 16, live close, parents have to go to church as much as they see fit, and must show that they will continue to go and be active in the church. They have a big tank- pool to baptise adults. This is all very different, and I do not like it at all. We do not have a tank to dip adults into in our church, Hayleigh's Godfather is not 16, and is the PERFECT person to be her Godfather. I do not like any of it at all. Of course, I am not what you would call a full blown, full time Catholic- don't judge me. There are things I do not agree with, but here, it is tradition, and it is what I grew up with. Wendelin is home to me. I'm not going to go on and on with what I believe or don't believe in, but, this all completely turned me off. I would be completely happy if we could do things online for Hayleigh, and celebrate things here at home for her instead. If this could really happen, I would be elated, but, I doubt it can.-

All of this was written on Monday... I didn't have time to finish, so here is from today-

On a brighter note- Allen has an interview via phone tomorrow for a job in North Dakota for Haliburton. Haliburton is one of the top companies Allen had on his list of who he wanted to work for. Things could be moving a whole lot faster than planned..... we will see how tomorrow goes! Fingers Crossed! So, tomorrow is a really big day for us. Allen may be leaving a few weeks from now. Scary to think! I think I'm too anxious now to even attempt to finish this- I've lost my train on it, so....

to be continued..............

A Glimpse of HOPE

2012-01-31T13:35:00.001-06:00

This is one of the videos that Allen showed me last week. I'll be honest, the guy in this that is at the Walmart, talking about having a good job for 10 years, and for it to just go away, and wanting to make his girls proud of him, made us all cry. He is someone out there just like us. Looking for HOPE. This is just part of the news story.

Wagons West!

2012-01-26T15:00:00.000-06:00

Well, after many weeks of thinking, talking, and planning, I think I can finally say what we have decided for our future. One thing is clear, we do not have a future in our hometown or even in the area around it. There is nothing here to sustain us, or to grow with. Allen has been job searching now for 6 months. He was laid off of work from the farmer he worked for, for over 2 years, had them sign a letter stating he was laid off of work, and then had to fight for unemployment for months, only to be shut out after appealing all that he could after they kept denying him unemployment. We have struggled to understand how someone could want for a person or family for that matter not to be able to survive, and approve the unemployment. After all, Allen and I have both worked our whole adult lives, and have not and will not make it a job out of living off of unemployment. It is something we pay into and should be there if we should ever need it. I don't I don't think I have ever really said that on here, but that has been soo stressful for us. Some people have told Allen to just find a job, any job, but why work somewhere just to pay half of a check to gas, and another chunk to a sitter for Hayleigh, and then just barely get by? Allen wants to stay at a job and retire from. We want to provide Hayleigh and any other future children with the best future, and life we can give them. Unfortunately it is not in Olney.

I know many people are upset about us relocating. Trust me, this has made us sick for the past months. We are planning on relocating to Billings, Montana this June, if not sooner. Allen is planning on going up at the end of April- mainly because of weather, and time to get arrangements made at home. I know this will be very hard for us to do- leaving all of our family,friends, just EVERYTHING behind. I'm so nervous about having to find all new doctors, starting new insurance, and not to mention a new home.

To be quite honest, I cried when I finally realized that Hayleigh's pediatrician would not be her doctor much longer- he was there from the start, and he was my pediatrician too. I cried about lots of things, some silly, some not. I have cried over not having our future children at the same hospital, in the same hospital room- I dreamed of this, or over when we first looked at our house with the real estate agent, I could see us bringing our baby home to this home when we pulled into the driveway. I cried over holidays to come- will we be able to be together with our family, to future birthdays for Hayleigh. I've even cried over my lawn, and the countless hours and labor I put into it, and have been trying to come up with a solution on how to take a few plants that are really special to me, like Hayleigh's butterfly bush she got when she was born. I mainly cried, and still cry over our family not being close to see Hayleigh, to let her spend the night over at her grandparents houses, or spending time with Aunt Magen, and Uncle Brad, or Hayleigh's godfather, Garrett.

I'm scared about not having my routine, my same old job, just everything. Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary at UPS, I was given a plaque and given gratitude for working there this whole time, and right now sit staring at the plaque, wondering what I want to do for my future. I have been researching schools near Billings, and thinking this might be my best chance to finish my degrees that I have put off. I worry about where Hayleigh will go to school at- I've had that planned since the day she was born, holidays at home, and Hayleigh's future birthdays. How will everyone be together for all of this? I realize that these things we are having to start over with are big changes, but we can do it, and some will not be as bad as I think they might be. There are planes, trains, and automobiles, and Internet, this is not saying good bye and never seeing anyone again.

It has been a dream of ours to live in Montana, back in 05-06' we had the chance to travel the country- Allen drove a truck, and I am soo happy we had the chance we did. Throughout the traveling, there were soo many places we were lucky enough to get to see- and there was nothing tying us down. When the chance came to go out west with the company Allen was driving for - we got to make a few trips out west. Let me just say it completely took our breath away. BEAUTIFUL. We got to travel through Idaho, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Oregon, Washington, Colorado, and Wyoming, and MONTANA, on one trip in the middle of the fall out there. We decided right then and there, that if we could ever live anywhere, it would be Montana. Well, six short years later, we have that chance. There is opportunity that we cannot ignore there. There is hope for us to have a life we want to have not only for us, but for HAYLEIGH.

I feel like we are pioneers in a way, going on the Oregon Trail, or something of that sort, but kind of mixed in with the trail of tears at the same time- because a trail of tears is what we will be dragging behind us all of the way out there.

One of our couple friends with a little boy that is just a few months younger than Hayleigh, are planning on making this jump with us. They are about like us- they see no future in our area, and are trying just like us to make a better life for their family, instead of struggling here. At least we will have each other to lean on and keep company when it gets tough being away from the only place we have all ever lived- and grew up around.

So, the question of will it work? Allen has spent a month researching the area we are moving to, and it is very promising. If everything works out the way we think it can, we can provide for our family and not have to worry about everything we are now. Having an argument over something silly would be nice instead of having little arguments over not having enough money to cover bills, things we need, and just being stressed out and agitated from that would be soo nice! Right now, we don't have anything to lose, but much to gain from this. Our family comes foremost. We cannot sit here just barely getting by, if that, just to keep everyone happy we are close by.

Tomorrow, (Friday), I am really dreading.... I have to tell my mom when I drop Hayleigh off with her the news... I hate making everyone feel like we have been scheming this all the whole time, and want to get as far away as possible. I hate the feeling of thinking I will cause a lot of heartache and loneliness for people. I hate that Hayleigh's room at my mom's house will be empty with no Hayleigh there every week to play in it, while my mom watches her for me while I'm at work. I hate that we will not be able to just go out and have dinner together with our family just because it is Friday night, not just because it will only be when we are in town. I HATE all of that, but, I HATE not being able to make a living for my family the most. So, when you see us around, if we are acting excited about moving, it is what we HAVE to do- we have to be positive about what could come, and not think about the negatives. I saw a quote today that made me feel better about this whole thing, it said, "there is a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in."

Time will only tell if this will all work or not- all we can do is HOPE for a better tomorrow.

For Better or For Worse...

2012-01-20T16:50:00.000-06:00

Friday is finally here! This week has been sort of a stressful week, Allen and I were both trying to build up a plan for our future- what we are going to do. Should we stay here in Olney, move somewhere else? I cannot tell you just how stressful this decision is, and can honestly say we are no closer to coming up to the answer to that question anymore today, than we were a few days ago. I would say within the next few months, that answer will come to us- by then we should have a pretty good idea what is going on....I HOPE.

The last 6 months have been very crazy and stressful. I don't think we fully enjoyed Christmas, even though it was one of my favorites. Hayleigh made everything so much happier. I have learned more in the past few months about my family than I think I have ever known-mainly all at Christmas. I wasn't too happy with what I had learned- most of it was sad, and I wish things were different.

I really don't know what we would do without Hayleigh in our lives, that little girl has been such a life savor! Every time we are having a hard time with something, here comes Hayleigh with a smile, trying to get you to smile for her.

The past few months has not only taught me many things about my family, but a lot about lessons in life. Things that I once thought were soo important in life, are not such a big deal to me now. I know that I have said this once before, but when you are going through a tough time, those who really care for you shine. The others drop by the wayside. Some of my family and friends have brought me much grief, and I am ashamed of them.

There are things in life I will never understand, and I think I am finally coming to terms with that- Infertility taught me that all too well over 2 years ago now. Through the loss and disappointments in life, we can find hope and guidance. I know I never thought we would have a family, but now, here I sit, typing this with an 18mo old running back and forth from her room to the living room stirring pretend food in her cooking pot.

I believe you have to look through the darkness, and hurt to find yourself. I cannot say that I don't want these bad experiences in my life- they are what has built me,and made me who I am today. They have also made me even more thankful for what I have in life. Because of infertility, I believe I am a better mom, and I appreciate Hayleigh that much more. I also value my friends that have stuck with me through it all, and let me be myself. I am the person I want to be, not who everyone else would like for me to be- and if being me is not good enough for them, they can take me as I am, or leave. I really did use to care about what others thought of me. I am a sensitive person, and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am either all in, or all out. I am honest with what I think, and will tell anyone what I think about anything. I would love the honesty from others just as much. I will do anything for those that I care about, as long as they do the same for me. Not everything is happy go lucky- there are good times, and bad. If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best. That is ME.

Once again, I find myself looking to the past- what has pulled me through tough times.. friends, family, and inspiration from others- along with this one song.. It always helps me make it through it all.

Almost Wordless Wednesday...Little Mommy

2012-01-18T21:30:00.000-06:00

Hayleigh for the first time in front of Allen and I played "house" with her baby doll, Owen. She slaved over a hot stove in her play room, stirring up special food just for baby Owen- we could hear her making quite a commotion in her play room, pots making a racket. She then came out into the family room with a small skillet, a spoon, and her baby doll, Baby Owen. She sat down, and started feeding the doll, I jumped up and ran upstairs and grabbed the first camera I could get to with a charged battery- not the video camera, so the footage is not the best quality, but it is better than nothing at all.

After watching Hayleigh play "Mommy" to baby Owen, it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. This is something I've waited soo long for, and was worth everything we went through to get here. I never really knew before Hayleigh what I was missing out on. This is truly what being a Mom is all about :) Hayleigh is such a good little Mommy!

Tidbits

2012-01-14T10:36:00.002-06:00

Hayleigh and her new Hooty house shoes from
Aunt Magen and Uncle Brad

Hayleigh loved her new boots for Valentine's Day

Since Monday, Hayleigh now can say my name, and Allen's name. It really aggravates me, but I know she does not know better, so we are working on fixing this with Allen and I calling each other Mommy and Daddy. We figure we call each other by our names in front of her so often, that it was really easy for her to pick up. She can also say "I love you", "Missy doggie", and Toby is just "Baby doggie", "kitty cat", and when pointing at stuff she does not know, she says "This". There are many more words, and I am amazed when she starts saying more new words each week.

My sister and her boyfriend were here visiting last weekend, and brought Hayleigh her Valentine's presents. Hayleigh got some really cute pink boots, window gummy clings, and peeps- my personal favorite. We put her new boots on her, and she pranced around my mom's house like a little show pony.

Hayleigh can now count to 4 and say her ABC's to the letter D. Her favorite number is 2, when you prompt her to count she likes to count 2 the most.

About a month ago, Allen taught Hayleigh how to sit on his foot and hang onto his leg while he walked. This is now fun, and irritating at the same time. I can be walking through our living room, picking up toys, and Hayleigh will come and sit down on my foot, grabbing hold of my leg, wanting a ride

Hayleigh is a gummy bear junkie. We usually do not give her candy. This all started a week ago, Hayleigh takes the gummy Flintstones vitamins, and does not like just getting one. If she can see them out on the counter, she shouts "this" over and over. We have tried hiding them, but the problem got to be when we would give her a vitamin, she would start yelling "more". You cannot reason with an 18mo old. So, a week ago, we were at the store, looking for gummy snacks for her, just to help out. We could not find the kids snacks, Allen picked up some plain gummy bears, and said we would come back and look again when Hayleigh was not ready for a nap. Since that day, she has become a gummy bear junkie.

Until the past day, Hayleigh could say "hello", but when it came to bye, she would just wave. This was particularly funny when she would be talking on the phone with someone, and we would tell her to say bye to them.We haven't tried the phone out again, but she has started to say bye when waving in person now.

Last night while playing in her playroom, I heard Hayleigh chattering up a storm, and beating on something. I walked up to the doorway, and Hayleigh was wielding a skillet, beating it on her kitchen set, all of her baby dolls, and toys were everywhere. I stood there for a minute, watching, she finally notices me there, turns and smiles, and says "awwww". She knows she is cute, and knows just what to say to express her being cute.

Apparently Hayleigh has caught onto some of my OCD. Every morning, she brings in all of her cups from her kitchen set, along with the salt and pepper shakers, places them on the end table in the family room, stacking them all- even the salt and pepper shakers. She has also been doing this upstairs in her room with her tea set. The cups to that tea set have saucers attached to the bottoms, I don't know how she does it, but every time I go into her room, they are stacked as well.

Playing with Uncle Brad

In Hayleigh's room at my mom's house, playing with my old doll stroller

Piggy Tails!!!!

2012-01-06T16:26:00.001-06:00

PIGGY TAILS!!!! ~ I cannot tell you just how LONG I've waited for Hayleigh to get enough hair to make pig tails! Today, I got the wild hair to try yet again, and succeeded! Here is the proof- the pictures are not great, but she would NOT hold still- a girl on the go!

Playing Catch up Part Deux

2011-12-31T19:18:00.002-06:00

Hayleigh's birthday was great! Lanterns hanging from the trees, balloons everywhere, I had purchased over 100 and my mom had 50 filled- I thought we could have used more- you can never have too many balloons! She had 2 smash cakes, a Sweet Table, cupcakes, jelly bellys, suckers, taffy, and all kinds of goodies. It was very very hot and humid- high 80s. We had a great day- everything turned out beautiful, and Hayleigh had a great time. We videoed more than we took pictures, but I think I would rather have the videos to watch. I know I cried several times that day, and I am certain I put more planning into Hayleigh's first birthday than I did in our wedding. It was worth it all.

The Sweet Table- take home treats for the kids at the party

Hayleigh's tutu and diaper cover for her special day

The most amazing cupcakes my sister made- raspberry filled soo yummy!!!

Hayleigh's cake

Her birthday hat

Hayleigh and her Godfather Garrett

The invitation

to be continued.......

What you missed- Playing Catch Up Part I

2011-12-31T19:03:00.000-06:00

This is the video I worked for 3 days on and several hours on to get it just right for Hayleigh's birthday. More about her birthday - to be continued......

New Beginnings

2011-12-31T13:38:00.000-06:00

I know it has been a REALLY long time since I have been on here. 2011 has not been too great of a year for my family, and I just haven't had the time to get on here or really the spirit to write. It is New Year's Eve, and I am actually making a New Year's Resolution List for this year. I have great hope for 2012, and anticipate many big great changes. Okay, my resolution list of hope for 2012...

1. Get Hayleigh potty trained and throw out the pacifiers- we are starting tomorrow on the potty training! I went out and bought her a pink potty last week, and we are waiting on the 1st to start fresh from day 1. I think I have a special plan for the pacifiers this spring, thanks to insperation from one of my friends.

Hayleigh's new potty chair!!

doubles as a step stool too!

2. Get more organized- as always I think everything in the house is scattered all around. 2011 I made great progress getting our junk room and spare room cleaned out- stuff donated or thrown away. I think I ended up with probably 2 truck loads of stuff I finally let go of. We now have a very large play room for Hayleigh's toys, and Allen now has a den room- no more junk room/ storage room! The biggest problem I now have is storage- our under the stairway closet is packed to the door of Hayleigh's old clothes- yes, I kept them ALL, her baby toys, swings, etc that we can hopefully use for another baby girl someday, and clothes from Hayleigh's cousin that we will start getting to use in the next 2 years. I need to get more closet organizers, and organize the closets again for the 10th time. We made our stairway closet a pantry this year, since I was running out of room in the kitchen. The closet is right next to the bar, so it really is in the perfect place. I also finally rearranged our whole family room downstairs too this year- I had not moved the furniture any other way since we had moved into our house in Spring of 07'- much better now, and I don't know why I never thought of arranging it that way before!

Our family room facing the side that used to have the tv- everything got flip flopped

Our family room facing the side that had the couch and chairs- used to be very congested compared to now, we actually have room to play the kinnect now.

Hayleigh's play room- used to be our den/spare room

Hayleigh is all set up to entertain- dog crates in the back corner will be leaving the room tomorrow

Hayleigh's Chritmas tree

The play room facing the doorway

Hayleigh's new toy box- already full of toys

3. Update my blog, and get my pictures caught up on being developed, put in books, organized on the computer, and backed up. I also want to get our movies that we have been videoing with our new video camera we got right before Hayleigh's birthday made off onto DVDs. I need to learn how to do that. I am proud that I have kept up Hayleigh's baby book.

4. I get to start my psoriasis treatment on this coming Wednesday, January 3rd. I want to get my psoriasis under control, and the psoratic arthritis as well. There are a few things I have not been able to do because of pain in my hands from the arthritis.

5. I want to work on more projects this year- start crocheting, knitting, quilting, and wood working. I haven't been able to do most of that from the psoratic arthritis this year.

6. Spend more time doing activities with our family and friends. Go on VACATION this year. I get 3 weeks of vacation this year, and I am wanting to go with Allen and Hayleigh to Holiday World, the zoo in St Louis, the Magic House in St Louis, at least a weekend vacation just the three of us somewhere like Tennessee, or up North, and a weekend of just me and Allen- if I can stand to be away from Hayleigh for that much time. I want to start having a family movie night, and game night once a week, or every other week- movie night one week, game night the next- maybe even get a new game once a month for us all to play.

7. Get some projects done around the house. I am planning on taking the wall paper out of our upstairs bathroom, and painting it, and finish the wall in our entry that I will have to get scaffling to reach the ceiling to finish painting it over the stairway. We need to redo our front porch, put in some new landscaping in the front, and work on the yard a little bit this year. Shampoo the carpets at least 3 times through the year too.

8. Christmas shop throughout the whole year, and not the last 90 days... I am not doing this again- even though I say this every year.

9. Be more active outside with Hayleigh and, just try to get more in shape.

10. # 10 I want to keep to myself. I think that only a handfull of people even know anything about what the last thing is on my list. I really want to work on making our family and friend circle tighter together, and from what had happened this last year, I have really been questioning what to do about things. Our family circle has fallen apart in a few places, maybe for the best. This year I am focusing more on our family, and myself. I want to be a better person, so the last thing I want to accomplish can be more appreciated.

I know I probably will not get most of this list done, but, I have great hope and expectations for 2012, and if my feeling about this coming year is right, I know that the things that mean the most to me, I will get accomplished. I have great support from my close friends, family, and husband, and with that I can get anything I set my mind to done.

Meeting in the Middle

2011-05-11T22:29:00.000-05:00

Our little sweetie pie- taken last week

Mother's Day 2011 my gift from Allen and Hayleigh

As Hayleigh's 1st birthday is rapidly approaching, I find myself reflecting back on the year we have had, along with years past, trying to make sense of it all. I have found that lately I have been telling Allen, "I just don't get it" about a lot of things that have happened or are currently underway right now. Growing up is tough...you are no longer allowed to be naive about things anymore- especially when you have someone else to worry about and protect. There are things from the past, I don't want to have happen to Hayleigh, that both Allen and I have experienced, and there are things that are going on now, that leave me scratching my head and saying whoa... People change, everything changes... Hayleigh is proof of this to me- 10 months old now- wow! We are trying to change as we grow older for the better, but it seems like almost everything I try to cling to around me wants to change in an opposite direction. Allen and I can both agree on one thing- that new baby smell has worn off for some people around us... I just hope that those people don't want to jump back and forth and dabble with Hayleigh and then be gone completely for months or years before deciding, if they even do, that they should have spent more time with her, or tried a little harder. We can't keep accommodating for everyone- they all know where we live, and we would like to spend some weekends at home. I just wish that some people would take the time to visit us, every once in a while, instead of complaining that we haven't been over in a while, or they haven't seen Hayleigh in a long time. Everyone close to us lives within 10 miles of us. We have been trying to also figure out what we want to do this year.. vacations at home sound soo great to us~ just to have a "normal" week at home with Hayleigh, eating supper together every night, taking walks every night, go to the pool, the zoo, and just RELAX! We don't get much of that time because we are either gone, or trying to get stuff done around the house, and Allen only gets 1 week of vacation.

Mothers Day this year was great- Allen and Hayleigh got me a gazebo that I helped assemble. We had a party on Sunday, with our neighbors, my sister-n-law, brother-n-law to be, niece, and Allen's grandparents. My mom had to work, and the rest of my family I guess had other plans. It was a really nice evening- weather was great. Allen cooked, and cleaned, did laundry, babysit while I mowed the yard, and let me take a 2 hour nap with Hayleigh so he could get stuff done. As usual we had entirely way too much food- Allen smoked a beef brisket, pork butt, beef ribs and pork spare ribs, and also made a cherry delight too. What a keeper huh?! After dinner we enjoyed playing with all of the kids, and then watched the guys partake in a snake killing- they killed 3 blue racer snakes that were tangled in netting behind our shed. Ughhhhhkkkk! We all hate snakes!

In other news, we are getting Hayleigh's ears pierced this weekend- something that I have managed to put off for too long now. Also, instead of getting Hayleigh's 9 month pictures taken, we are looking at getting 11 month pictures, and meeting in the middle, due to our photographer moving, and our schedules haven't jived. I am excited to have our 2nd photo shoot at our home for Hayleigh's next pictures- the last time we did this was for Hayleigh's newborn pictures and my maternity. We also just got Hayleigh her first pool today- small bubble gum pink plastic one, so we can put Hayleigh's two swim suits to use, and I can start working on my tan once again. Hayleigh's sleep issues are doing better. She did not fight me tonight, so far... I'm hoping it is all about her top two teeth trying to pop through, since she has been an excellent sleeper until now.

Saving Face

2011-04-29T15:43:00.000-05:00

Today, I have had all I can take. I have tried being nice, PATIENT, and understanding, but, I am at the end of my rope. There are things that I would like Hayleigh to grow up with and things I don't want her to ever hear or see- everyone wants to protect their baby.
Among the things that could hurt Hayleigh physically, there are things that could hurt her emotionally in the future that may not seem like big things to some people, but are like brick walls to me. What I am talking about is what we should all do around young ears...watch what we say, and how we say things. I do not want Hayleigh to grow up with ideas that I have concluded that she should have had to come up with on her own. She should be able to come to her on conclusions about things- just because I love to take care of our yard, doesn't mean that Hayleigh should be taught that if lawn care isn't a priority somewhere else, it is bad. I basically do not want Hayleigh to hear me say that just because I don't like something, she shouldn't like it as well. The main problem is I don't want Hayleigh hearing bad things being said about people, and repeating it to those people, or thinking it is perfectly fine to gossip about people, or say mean things behind their backs. I want her to learn from my Grandma Weidner... if you don't have anything to say, don't say anything at all. That woman is the wisest and most gracious lady I know, and has not had a bad thing to say about anyone. She doesn't gossip, which we all should not do. I would rather know what someone thinks about me and tells me to my face, instead of trying to hide it, yet tell everyone else about it. People being 2 faced is plain mean and wrong. I don't want Hayleigh brought up thinking this is okay...to lie. She is soaking everything up like a sponge right now, and the example we set today, will effect her tomorrow.

There are certain people in our lives that are close pulling this trick pony show, and frankly I am fed up with it. They are willing to watch Hayleigh anytime and want to watch her as much as they can, but, complain about watching her when we are not around. With Allen working as much as he does, it leaves a lot of responsibility for me around the house, and with Hayleigh here with me by myself, I cannot get the things that need to be done, done since Hayleigh is still very young. I really do appreciate help when I can get it, but, what I don't appreciate is single minded people, that do not listen, and let their mouths run like a leaky toilet around Hayleigh. I just do not get why they have to say hurtful things. I hear the things said about others, and wonder what is being said about me behind my back in front of Hayleigh. Everything seems to come full circle one way or another, especially when you compare notes with another person, and you cannot believe what is really going on.

There are ways to fixing and putting a Parental Block on the matter. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, or at least keep it to yourself, and not the whole world. Nobody likes a two faced snake.

Easter and Catching up...

2011-04-27T20:44:00.000-05:00

We had quite a time celebrating Hayleigh's first Easter last weekend. I have enjoyed reaping the benefits of having a kid now and the sharing of Easter baskets. I always have and always will get an Easter basket from my mom...but, now, Hayleigh does as well which equals more candy for me! Last year, I was approaching my glucose testing and Hayleigh was measuring big, so I was told I could not have my favorite Easter candy- PEEPS! I was rationed peeps, and I HATED it! My sister was sneaking them across the room to me, from her basket. I was caught, but, savored every bite. This year, I have hoarded them I think mainly due to the rationing of them from last year. The chocolate dipped ones were great, but I didn't really care for the whole chocolate ones.

Hayleigh has been growing way too fast! She got her second tooth over Easter weekend. Both are bottom ones of course. I just started purchasing her birthday decor tonight. I started to give myself heartburn while our internet was down from all of the rain worrying about not having that much done yet. Just as soon as we got internet back up and running, I was on the lookout for what was on my list of things we needed. Now, for my list of things to get done outside for the party- ugghhh. Anyway, here are some pictures from the weekend and just random ones after that.

Grandma Sue and Hayleigh in one her Easter dress

Before Easter Lunch

Hayleigh and her Easter Basket

Grandma Sue blowing a pinwheel candy toy for Hayleigh

First time with a bow CLIPPED into her hair!!!

Getting ready to dye Easter Eggs

Decorating the eggs with stickers and Great Grandma Una

9 months old! And soo HaPpY!

Hayleigh's Firsts

2011-04-18T14:43:00.000-05:00

Sunday, while we were in Nashville, Hayleigh got her first tooth! FINALLY!!!! Her bottom left side tooth has now poked it's way through, even though we can't really see it yet, it is there! I felt it Sunday, when I was feeding Ms. Parana a puff puff, and felt that sharp little tooth poking it's way through!

In other news, Hayleigh is on the verge of standing up on her own! She can now pull up to stand, and has given up on the whole "crawling" thing...inch worming is more her style until most recently. She now pushes her head down on the ground and raises her butt in the air, like she is doing a summer sault, and then walks her feet up as far as she can go, and tries to squatt down, while balancing herself. The balancing thing is the only problem so far. She is sure to be walking within the next few weeks!

Busy as a Bee

2011-04-11T15:14:00.000-05:00

Once again things have been quite busy, and I haven't been on here in quite a while. Hayleigh has been growing like a weed- she can say "Dadda", and "Mamma", and is what we call inch worming all over the house- her form of crawling. We have added a safety gate to our stairway that is bolted straight to it for extra protection, and have been enjoying a house overloaded with baby stuff. I thought it was funny looking back at pictures of us and around the house from the past 4 years we have been there, just how super clean the house was, and how bare it looked compared to now. I clean our house all of the time now, but, I don't go to the extreme measures like I used to of cleaning like a bumble bee swarm right before anyone come over.

With all of the nice spring weather, Hayleigh now has a swing up in our back yard. I cannot tell you just how happy it makes me to look outside and see that pink swing hanging in the tree. Hayleigh really has enjoyed our visits to the park in town, and spending time in her own swing, along with visits with her cousin, Xena, who is 4 months younger than Hayleigh. She really enjoys "kissing" babies, and hoots and squeals, bounces, and makes grabbies with her hands when she sees another baby- soo cute to see her acting like a little monkey.

Other than the total randomness of this blog post, I cannot believe just how fast time has been flying by. It is already time to get Hayleigh's 9 month pictures taken, and we are getting ready to get her ears pierced as well. Hopefully time will slow down just a bit for me to catch this all up.

Hayleigh 6 mo Pictures

2011-03-08T21:47:00.001-06:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Hayleigh 6 month Preview

2011-02-02T06:49:00.000-06:00

These were taken last Friday for Hayleigh's 6 month, even though she turned 7 months on Sunday. I think they turned out great- and cannot wait to see the rest, especially the one of her standing up all by herself next to the wicker chair! I will post the link when they are up!

Wordless Wednesday...You are the Weakest Link...GOODBYE!

2011-01-26T21:33:00.001-06:00

For the last few months, Allen and I have been making the game Hayleigh has finally started "pickup" is what it is commonly known as in other houses, into a some what humorous game for us. After writing about this once already on Facebook, it is very clear we watch entirely way too much tv.
Some nights when Hayleigh starts throwing toys off the edge of whatever she is occupied on/in, we start in on our own. We have affectionately named this game many things now, after many hit shows on tv, or just put our own commentary on the situation.. "We've got a jumper", to "Be gone with you I'm through", to "Off with their head!" The game themes we've had so far have been Weakest Link, Survivor- "the tribe has spoken", The Apprentice-"You're Fired", you get the idea. Anyway, here are some pictures from play time yesterday in the middle of one of those episodes.

Contemplating what the fate of the toy will be....

Insert tv show theme here....

She must feel somewhat guilty of throwing the toys off- she always checks to see where exactly they fell after she tosses them off the edge.

These other pictures are from Sunday from sledding down the road at Grandma Sue's house. This is Hayleigh's second sledding trip outside. Her snow suit kept her quite warm, and unable to sit up- it was very slick and puffy~reminded me of Randy the younger brother from A Christmas Story.

All bundled up and not too thrilled about it

I think she is somewhat speechless about the whole snow experience

getting ready to head back in after a 10 minute sled ride complements of Grandma

Wordless Wednesday... Look Who's Cooking!

2011-01-12T14:09:00.001-06:00

Today Hayleigh decided to get cookin and make me lunch!

Look Who's Cookin!

Slaving over a "Hot" stove

Can we make Slomber? (One of Aunt Magen's favorite "pretend" foods to make when we were little)

Our Little Movie Star

2011-01-10T19:56:00.000-06:00

On the day Hayleigh was born, a film crew doing a promo video for the hospital came in and asked if we would like to be in the video. We said yes of course, and six months later here it is! Hayleigh was a mere 12 hours old when she became a little movie star! lol Enjoy! My mom is also in the video with the ambulance- she is a paramedic at the hospital as well. ( we come right after the mammogram scene) http://www.elocallink.tv/vp6/spon-fcsa_a.php?fvm=1&sponid=ATUAMA9tB2YANQ==&vid=BjICMVEzUDgOPAUy&type=wh&flver=10&brver=6#

" You gotta use Your Kegals!" Trampolines after Babies....

2011-01-07T21:15:00.001-06:00

I know I have never shared this story, and thought of it today on a car ride out of town, and just laughed to myself. Boy, some things people say really are true, even if we don't want to believe what we hear.

A couple of years ago, I joked to my neighbor, Ray, while "riding" a tire horse swing, being spun around uncontrollably, that you had to use your kegals....boy did I ever know just how important those muscles would ever be someday!

This all happened this last summer, after I had Hayleigh. Our neighbors had gotten a trampoline for their boys the fall before, right after I found out I was expecting Hayleigh. The boys hounded and hounded me to come and play with them on it all of the time, and I kept telling them they would have to wait until after Hayleigh was born. So, about 2 months after I had Hayleigh, I was standing next to this trampoline, when they started in on me again. Now, growing up, my mom saved up for at least 6 months and bought us a trampoline. We LIVED on that trampoline, and learned how to do just about everything on it by ourselves. Well, the boys knew I still could do flips and hand springs on this thing, so, they asked me to get on it and show them how to do a flip. So, there I was, after taking my shoes off and scrambling up on this thing. Mind you it had been over a year since I had last been on one. SO, I began to bounce up and down, and it felt like I was getting the crap shook out of me! Then... I started to feel a leak that would not STOP! I could not believe that no matter how hard I clinched, with every bounce I shook the pee out of myself! After all of this wait for this?! I did go ahead and do a flip for the boys, and then quickly got off of that trampoline and ran straight back to our house, and changed clothes, vowing not to go on that thing again unless I had not had anything to drink for at least 3 hours, and emptied my bladder before getting on it. I left that trampoline in total shock. Why didn't anyone tell me this would happen??!!! I had not had a single problem with my kegals, or peeing my pants before this, after having Hayleigh, so why this? How did my mom jump on our trampoline? Finally after grilling some other women, I found out that I was not alone, EVERYONE experienced this, so why doesn't it ever get mentioned? I guess it is too embarrassing. I still laugh about it, planning my next trip on the trampoline in the coming spring. I laugh about it now thankfully, and thought I should write it down for Hayleigh to read someday. So, future Moms- let this be a lesson to you!

What all of the Fuss is About...

2011-01-06T10:13:00.000-06:00

This week has been pretty tough, I'll have to admit. This week wasn't emotionally tiring for once, just physically. For the past few mornings, instead of waking up when I go in to get Hayleigh ready, she has been up at 5 am on Monday, 4 am on Tuesday, and then 3 am on Wednesday, crying and whining. I cannot tell you just how frazzled I was getting. Hayleigh has started teething, and has had a runny nose from it. I had been running the humidifier for it with baby Vick's rub on her chest and on the humidifier, making sure her head was elevated when sleeping, and gave her infant Motrin for the last week, resulting in a small cough and a fussy baby. I had had the last straw Wednesday morning, when nothing would soothe her, and made an appointment with one of the other pediatrician since hers was off on Wednesdays. We went in, and found out that she has slight chest congestion..aka has a cold, with the runny nose. We were prescribed benedryl, with antibiotics and nasal saline. I know the medicine has worked wonders on her- she was very giggly all last night, and not fussy at all. I even had her laughing harder than I have ever heard her laugh, which I made sure I got Allen on the phone for him to hear Hayleigh laugh as well. I was starting to worry last night that the benedryl would have an opposite effect on her that it does on me- making her excitable, and not drowsy, since she was bouncing and giggling an hour after giving her a dose. She finally did go to sleep about 8:30- 2 hours later than her usual time, but, she did sleep until 6am this morning. I know we both slept a whole lot better, but, I did get up and check on her every few hours through the night, to make sure she was okay. I now understand the feeling other parents talk about when they describe staying up with a sick baby, on just how exhausting it really was. With me being the only one home, the past few nights were really tough, especially when I had to go to work early as well. This all makes me really appreciate just how easy of a baby Hayleigh has been, resulting in spoiling me. I am afraid to see what we would get if and when we had another.

Other than Hayleigh being sick, I have made time for myself for once. Making time for myself has become one of my New Year's Resolutions, along with getting the house more organized. This week, I have started working out at least 3 times a week. I am just trying to tone up and shed a few pounds now, before baby #2 is in the plans. I have also started tanning again- first time in a year and a half, to help my psoriasis. I cannot tell you how great it felt to soak up those rays the other day! I don't think I have ever had a quick nap that felt that great. Also, yesterday, I got my hair cut off. I have not had my hair cut since Hayleigh was 4 weeks old, so this also felt amazing! I wanted it cut just bellow my shoulders, but, it ended up just above, which will be fine. Hair grows back. Just doing things for myself makes me feel incredible, hopefully making me a better mom for Hayleigh. Most of the stress I have been holding in kind of lifted somewhat from all of this, and I really needed it.

One thing I get a kick out of anymore is about how I get excited over stuff that most people dread. For Christmas, I got a kitchen aide mixer and a Dyson vacuum. I cannot tell you how giddy I was to use them- like a little kid and a new toy. Things like vacuums, mixers, and now shelving make me soo happy. We are turning our hall coat closet that is next to our bar into a pantry tomorrow. We just need to add shelving, since it is not a wide closet- perfect pantry size! I have been running out of room in the kitchen for things lately, and have been desperate for space. Since the New Year, I have been obsessed with organization in our house. I guess that is just the mother coming out in me. After Christmas, we found ourselves with the kitchen about to bust, and just the house in general looking like a bomb went off in a toy store. Now, I am losing my storage room, which was the only room in the house that was a wreck, and turning it into a den room for both Allen and my hunting stuff, and the current den/ bedroom will be turned into a play room / guest room for Hayleigh, with the stuff that survives being thrown out of storage, being stored in the extra large closet in the new play room. I know this will be quite a job, but, I am working daily on it, along with thumbing though catalogs for ideas on how to decorate, and organize a play room. The first of the organizing stuff for the play room I ordered will be here tomorrow, and I am not even ready. In the mix of all of the organizing, I once again have to clean out Hayleigh's closet and dresser for clothes that are too small once again. It seems like I just did this a month ago. We now are up to 3 storage tubs full of clothes for her, and I cringe thinking just how much she will have by the time she is 2. I know I should sell some of it, but, I just cannot bring myself to do it, thinking we will possibly have another baby within the next year and a half. Some days this is very debatable- I really think one baby is enough at moments. We will have to see though. Anyway, my goal is to have the play room done by the time Hayleigh turns a year old- I am actually giving myself a realistic time frame to get this accomplished, and plan to have before and after pictures up when this gets done.

2010 Looking Back

2011-01-03T13:33:00.001-06:00

Well, for the most part, 2010 has been quite the year. We have had quite a few highs and lows, and I thought I would share our highs for the year after reading another bloggers and thought it was a great idea to do.

Highs for 2010: (in order of events)
1. Started off with finally being pregnant.
2. First feeling Hayleigh kick for the first time on my Birthday.
3. For the first time in my life, enjoying the "fat look"
4. shopping for clothes..maternity clothes- much more fun than the regular.
5. Growing closer with my whole family- some major ties were made
6. Enjoying Mother's and Father's Days this year.
7. Made the nursery of my dreams a reality.
8. Enjoying the Baby shower of my dreams
9. Having Hayleigh- holding her in my arms and knowing we were finally a family.
10. Watching Allen beam and glow as a Dad
11. Showing our little baby girl off to everyone, and being the most proud I have ever been in my whole life.
12.Bringing Hayleigh home- house has never been the same since
13. Seeing Hayleigh's Smile and Hearing her Giggle
14. Trick or Treating
15. Allen doing great in Sporting Clays- made lots of connections and moved up from "D" class to "A"
16. Celebrating our 7 year Wedding Anniversary- I wish I would have known just how lucky 7 years would be! And Celebrating being together for 10 years too!
17. Thanksgiving
18. Buying our baby Christmas presents
19. Seeing Santa Claus
20. Celebrating Christmas as a family of 3

As you can see our highs have for the most part been Hayleigh. I would really hate to see what our year would have been like if she was not here- probably be a very sad one to say the least. I can tell you that this last year has made me more grateful than I ever could have thought I could be. Just the privliage of becoming a Mom, has made this year one of the best years of my life.

Is it Friday Yet?

2010-12-30T10:21:00.000-06:00

Post From Wednesday I did not get published:

Today has been quite the day already. It has all started with me hardly sleeping last night, worrying about lots of things going on right now, followed by being up every other hour with Hayleigh. I had to keep getting up and putting her paci back in her mouth. I finally found out just why she was stirring all night- poor girl peed through a diaper, pooped in it, and soaked her sleeper and sheets. UGGHHH! I never did flip the light on when I checked on her everytime I got up with her, because we have a light set up in her window, which puts off just enough light to see just enough in the dark like a night light. Hayleigh was not crying, just kind of wimpering, after I would replace the paci, she would fall back to sleep. If I would have only known that the problem was the diaper and the mess, poor girl would have slept a lot better, and me along with her.

We went to Hayleigh's 6 month checkup yesterday, with good reports all around. Hayleigh weighed 17 lbs 6 oz, and is now 26 1/4" long, fitting her into the 75th percentile. Her head, which we think is a little big, measured 34 cm which was right at the 50th percentile, which shocked me. The doctor remarked that Hayleigh is developing very well, no set backs from being born 3 wks early, and is at the top of her developments for her age group. She can roll over both ways, coo and make "noises" sucking and popping and a growl/gargle sound, she can walk with assist, sit up on her own, with supervision, walk forwards and backwards in her stroller, and scoot.The things we are to watch for now are her passing objects from hand to hand- I have witnessed a few times, but, it is not a steady thing yet, and babbling maamaamaa daaadaaadaa. These will come soon enough! We were given the okay to start her on meat now too, which is exciting, I just wish she would break a tooth through so we can start on other foods. Hayeigh had even attempted to "army crawl" the other night. We go back for her 9 month appointment next in 3 months.

The last month has been quite rough. I got my first fever blister from worrying, mainly about my Grandma, whom Hayleigh is named for. She has been in and out of the hospital soo many times now. Every time she goes in it is to drain fluid off of her chest, and it has been getting worse as time passes. She is no longer optimistic, but, looks sad, and doesn't say much anymore. My mom and I don't see her making it past this summer with how her health has been for the last few months, which is hard to swallow. I just wish we had more time with her than that. I really wanted for Hayleigh to be able to remember her, which I know is not going to happen. I am just grateful that we were blessed with Hayleigh while Grandma is still here, and that we could name Hayleigh for her.

My Prerogative of Life

2010-12-27T16:29:00.000-06:00

I know it has been quite a while since I've gotten to write on here. Work has been extra busy, and it seems like the weekends pass with the blink of an eye. A bit of a recap for everyone... Hayleigh will be 6 months old on Thursday ALREADY!! She can roll over, walk backwards and FORWARDS in her walker now, walk with someone holding her hands, eat baby food with no problems of her tongue getting in the way, and is now reaching out to everyone instead of crying. I cannot believe how fast time has flown by.

Christmas was great! It made me very happy, and very sad at the same time. I cannot tell you the joy I felt buying my daughter her first Christmas present. I bawled in Hallmark, picking out cards to give out, reading all of them that I could. I know some people in there thought I was a bit emotional, but, I cannot help it. We got a white Christmas to boot too! 3 inches of fluffy white snow on Christmas Eve. Hayleigh got to try out her infant sled we had got her on Christmas day in my mom's yard. It is amazing just how different it is to go from a family of just Allen and I, to having Hayleigh in the mix. Everything has been more special, and some people have actually grown closer to us with having Hayleigh here.

Christmas shopping this year was actually enjoyable for once. I think we got the closest to getting it right this year out of all years. Allen and I received way more than we asked for- Christmas was mainly for Hayleigh this year, not us, but, it was still nice that some people actually remembered us too!

With New Year's right around the corner, I find myself with every passing year, trying to understand people more, and trying to be a better person, ending up usually disappointed with what I find, and sometimes a little surprised with how things turn out. I have found that to me Christmas time is a really good time to get a good gage of just how people really feel about you. It is the thought that counts to me, instead of the amount spent on presents. Some things I just shake my head at, and say to myself, really? But, I do find myself being very grateful for the other times someone goes out of their way to make something special, or really takes the time to make you feel special. I guess you just learn to appreciate the people who really listen to you throughout the year that remember what you said way back in the beginning of the year. There are always a few people who really try, and then the ones who just slap together a few things and say "tada!" It is not the fact that I am not grateful for being given a gift, but, the fact that we really took the time to think about and get something special for someone, and them in return giving you something you just had lying around the house.

Every year I find myself depressed over getting my hopes up that someday a certain select few will finally open their arms and actually accept us as family, instead of inviting us over for left overs of a Christmas Get together, while their other family is leaving after having their "real" Christmas. I know I love the quote Eleanor Roosevelt gives- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but, it is pretty darn hard to ignore a billboard sitting right smack dab in front of your nose, and not notice it, or let it get to you. It just really makes me feel like I am not really a part of my own family sometimes. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am just waiting to finally "fit" into my own family.

What gets me the most is that now that I have my own little family, I would never want anyone, not even my own daughter, to feel like she is not welcome, or an after thought. I want her to know every day just how special she is and always will be, no matter what happens in life. She will always be our baby.

Tired...

2010-10-09T00:04:00.000-05:00

So, today, I ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I had to get all of the outfits, shoes, bows, ummm everything off of my porch-to use as props, for Hayleigh's 3 month pictures. This day just has kept going and going! Most of the day was such a whirl wind, I'll just go into this evening. I had to come home and get the mail before I picked Hayleigh up, and finally got a new cd for Hayleigh. It is the Baby Praise, Praises and Smiles. We have come to love the DVD set my Aunt brought us, since her little girl was done using them. Every morning, Hayleigh watches one of the DVDs that plays children singing songs with a lady. I find myself singing along with the songs too, while I get ready for work as Hayleigh is watching them. We loved the DVDs soo much, that I got on Amazon, and ordered the first CD that matches the first DVD in the set- it is Hayleigh's favorite. So, going to pick Hayleigh up, jamming to Baby Praise.... I am soo exciting, I know! I picked Hayleigh up, and we hurried to the bank and post office, and then blasted off to Lawrenceville to get Hayleigh's 3 month pictures taken.

So, back to the pictures. Our sweet little girl was HORRIBLE! I do mean Horrible! She was so cranky and tired. We did manage to get all of the pictures taken, after Jessica offered to reschedule a few times. I felt bad, and didn't want to take up any more of this poor lady's time. I ended up coaxing Hayleigh with a bottle and a pacifier. She did smile and giggle, and then it would be total pout melt down..and back to a smile, and so forth. I cannot wait to see the pictures! I did get a glimpse of a few, and was quite pleased with what we worked soo hard to get. We are planning on going back to get our Christmas pictures taken, after Hayleigh gets her ears pierced next month. I cannot wait! During the whole photo session, Jessica kept going on about how well Hayleigh could stand, hold her head up, babble, and just how alert she was for a 3 month old. PROUD MAMMA! I am soo glad that I am not the only one who thinks this outside of the family. We are told all of this quite often, and I just think she is doing good, but, Jessica seems to think that she is quite ahead of most 3 month olds. Hayleigh pulled off some poses sitting up with little assistance from me holding her back. Hopefully next month, she will be sitting up on her own for her pictures!

This has been such a draining week. After the tragedy with my friend, and her family, and just the running, it has been an emotionally and physically draining week. I have felt soo guilty being happy with Hayleigh the past few days, singing to her, listening to the Baby Praise, and then I think of **Teresa** and her family. And, how while I am smiling and singing to Hayleigh, they buried their baby girl today. I will probably never know what it feels like to have that happen to me, but, I feel like it is hard to celebrate life, while my friend is mourning a life lost too soon. I know time heals wounds, but, this is a wound that I think will take a lifetime to heal for Teresa. I just hope that they are doing okay, and being strong for one another, especially that little boy still in NICU right now.

Something to be Thankful for...

2010-10-07T14:41:00.000-05:00

The Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine 2010 was awarded to Robert G. Edwards for the development of in vitro fertilization. I read this in the newspaper yesterday, and couldn't help but smile. Because of this man, so many people that have faced problems with infertility, have been able to conceive. Because of his reasearch, it has pushed the medical field to find ways to help people with infertility problems not only with in vitro, but also with IUI as well. Because of all of this, we have Hayleigh, which makes me very grateful for this man's ambition.

Summary

Robert Edwards is awarded the 2010 Nobel Prize for the development of human in vitro fertilization (IVF) therapy. His achievements have made it possible to treat infertility, a medical condition afflicting a large proportion of humanity including more than 10% of all couples worldwide.
As early as the 1950s, Edwards had the vision that IVF could be useful as a treatment for infertility. He worked systematically to realize his goal, discovered important principles for human fertilization, and succeeded in accomplishing fertilization of human egg cells in test tubes (or more precisely, cell culture dishes). His efforts were finally crowned by success on 25 July, 1978, when the world's first "test tube baby" was born. During the following years, Edwards and his co-workers refined IVF technology and shared it with colleagues around the world.
Approximately four million individuals have so far been born following IVF. Many of them are now adult and some have already become parents. A new field of medicine has emerged, with Robert Edwards leading the process all the way from the fundamental discoveries to the current, successful IVF therapy. His contributions represent a milestone in the development of modern medicine.

Infertility – a medical and psychological problem

More than 10% of all couples worldwide are infertile. For many of them, this is a great disappointment and for some causes lifelong psychological trauma. Medicine has had limited opportunities to help these individuals in the past. Today, the situation is entirely different. In vitro fertilization (IVF) is an established therapy when sperm and egg cannot meet inside the body.

Basic research bears fruit

The British scientist Robert Edwards began his fundamental research on the biology of fertilization in the 1950s. He soon realized that fertilization outside the body could represent a possible treatment of infertility. Other scientists had shown that egg cells from rabbits could be fertilized in test tubes when sperm was added, giving rise to offspring. Edwards decided to investigate if similar methods could be used to fertilize human egg cells.
It turned out that human eggs have an entirely different life cycle than those of rabbits. In a series of experimental studies conducted together with several different co-workers, Edwards made a number of fundamental discoveries. He clarified how human eggs mature, how different hormones regulate their maturation, and at which time point the eggs are susceptible to the fertilizing sperm. He also determined the conditions under which sperm is activated and has the capacity to fertilize the egg. In 1969, his efforts met with success when, for the first time, a human egg was fertilized in a test tube.
In spite of this success, a major problem remained. The fertilized egg did not develop beyond a single cell division. Edwards suspected that eggs that had matured in the ovaries before they were removed for IVF would function better, and looked for possible ways to obtain such eggs in a safe way.

From experiment to clinical medicine

Edwards contacted the gynecologist Patrick Steptoe. He became the clinician who, together with Edwards, developed IVF from experiment to practical medicine. Steptoe was one of the pioneers in laparoscopy, a technique that was new and controversial at the time. It allows inspection of the ovaries through an optical instrument. Steptoe used the laparoscope to remove eggs from the ovaries and Edwards put the eggs in cell culture and added sperm. The fertilized egg cells now divided several times and formed early embryos, 8 cells in size (see figure).
These early studies were promising but the Medical Research Council decided not to fund a continuation of the project. However, a private donation allowed the work to continue. The research also became the topic of a lively ethical debate that was initiated by Edwards himself. Several religious leaders, ethicists, and scientists demanded that the project be stopped, while others gave it their support.

The birth of Louise Brown - an historic event

Edwards and Steptoe could continue their research thanks to the new donation. By analyzing the patients' hormone levels, they could determine the best time point for fertilization and maximize the chances for success. In 1978, Lesley and John Brown came to the clinic after nine years of failed attempts to have a child. IVF treatment was carried out, and when the fertilized egg had developed into an embryo with 8 cells, it was returned to Mrs. Brown. A healthy baby, Louise Brown, was born through Caesarian section after a full-term pregnancy, on 25 July, 1978. IVF had moved from vision to reality and a new era in medicine had begun.

IVF is refined and spreads around the world

Edwards and Steptoe established the Bourn Hall Clinic in Cambridge, the world's first centre for IVF therapy. Steptoe was its medical director until his death in 1988, and Edwards was its head of research until his retirement. Gynecologists and cell biologists from all around the world trained at Bourn Hall, where the methods of IVF were continuously refined. By 1986, 1,000 children had already been born following IVF at Bourn Hall, representing approximately half of all children born after IVF in the world at that time.
Today, IVF is an established therapy throughout the world. It has undergone several important improvements. For example, single sperm can be microinjected directly into the egg cell in the culture dish. This method has improved the treatment of male infertility by IVF. Furthermore, mature eggs suitable for IVF can be identified by ultrasound and removed with a fine syringe rather than through the laparoscope.
IVF is a safe and effective therapy. 20-30% of fertilized eggs lead to the birth of a child. Complications include premature births but are very rare, particularly when one egg only is inserted into the mother. Long-term follow-up studies have shown that IVF children are as healthy as other children.
Approximately four million individuals have been born thanks to IVF. Louise Brown and several other IVF children have given birth to children themselves; this is probably the best evidence for the safety and success of IVF therapy. Today, Robert Edwards' vision is a reality and brings joy to infertile people all over the world.

Robert G. Edwards was born in 1925 in Manchester, England. After military service in the Second World War, he studied biology at the University of Wales in Bangor and at Edinburgh University in Scotland, where he received his PhD in 1955 with a Thesis on embryonal development in mice. He became a staff scientist at the National Institute for Medical Research in London in 1958 and initiated his research on the human fertilization process. From 1963, Edwards worked in Cambridge, first at its university and later at Bourn Hall Clinic, the world's first IVF centre, which he founded together with Patrick Steptoe. Edwards was its research director for many years and he was also the editor of several leading scientific journals in the area of fertilization. Robert Edwards is currently professor emeritus at the University of Cambridge.

No Words Could Ever Make it Better....

2010-10-07T13:41:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I went into work, and got the worst news. One of my friends that had went to the same doctor as me, and battled infertility, lost one of her twins. The little girl passed early yesterday morning. They were born at 28 weeks, after the little girl's bag had ruptured at around 22 weeks. The doctors put **Teresa** on steroids and bed rest in the hospital until they delivered the twins. When they were born, the boy weighed 2.8 lbs and the girl was at 1 lb 5.8 oz.. soo tiny! Teresa had told me the little girl was not gaining weight good, and to keep praying for her. I just wish she could have hung in there. Last Friday, I got to talk to Teresa's brother in law that works with me, and he told me they had to up the oxygen on both babies- which is not uncommon for preemie's, especially when they were born that early. As of now, the little boy is doing great- he is just on nasal oxygen, and is now in a private room. I spoke to Teresa's brother earlier, and he had said Teresa had went home for only 2 hours, when the little girl had passed. Teresa's husband is really strong, and I am grateful she has him there for her.

I just cannot even begin to imagine how Teresa and her husband are handling this. I don't think I could. Teresa is staying in the hospital with the little boy, until he gets to go home sometime November- December. I have not got to talk to Teresa since the babies were born on the phone, but, we have been keeping in contact via text messages or email. I know she is probably no where near being able to talk to anyone outside of her family just yet. I wrote her, and let her know she can call me anytime, for whatever she needs, and her brother has been keeping me updated, and passing along messages I have for her.
You are never truly appreciative of what you really have until something like this happens to someone close to you. Teresa had a hard pregnancy, she is type 2 diabetic, she went through a lot more rounds of treatment than we had to, and had been soo up beat about it all. I had a by the book pregnancy. We found out we had been going to the same doctor, shortly after we reconnected, and were each other's cheerleaders from then on. When one of us needed to vent, the other was always right there. She was there when I finally got pregnant with Hayleigh, and I was there for her through her treatments leading to her getting pregnant with her triplets. We both lost a baby in utero at exactly 7 weeks, resulting in us having one baby, and Teresa having twins. She was there at my baby shower just beaming, and at the hospital, just 2 hours after Hayleigh was born, smiling from ear to ear. I really wish I could have been there more for her. She could not have visitors when she was admitted, and after the babies were born.

No words could ever make losing that baby girl less painful. I cannot imagine being in her shoes at all. I look at Hayleigh and bawl thinking about my friend mourning the loss of her baby girl. She will never get to see her smile, giggle and grow. It really breaks my heart when something soo tragic happens to good people in this world. Life is not fair, and never will be. I know my faith in God wavers quite a bit. When we struggled to get pregnant, and miscarried after our first round, my faith was all but gone. It has been gradually coming back, but, life events like this make it plummet back down. I just do not understand a lot of things in this world. I know that when I die someday, and if there is someone really there to ask questions about life to, they will be hearing from me.

Please just keep this family in your prayers. I know they really need them right now.

Run, Run, as Fast as You Can!

2010-10-04T16:04:00.000-05:00

The days seem like they run together soo much anymore, since returning to work. I know Friday it seemed like I could not catch up to anything. I didn't go into work until 11am, but, Allen called and had some errands for me to run before I went to work...Wal-Mart, the bank, out to Raymond and Una's, and then some other things. I left the house at 10 am, just after Allen was telling me I needed to get some of the things done last minute right then. Why is it that when you are in a hurry, everyone else takes their time? All in the process of running like a chicken with it's head cut off... I managed to get behind a car going 40 mph down the highway, and could not pass... a funeral procession, state highway truck picking up "sleeping" deer, then the bank teller took FOREVER cashing my check, and Walmart was no different. I did however manage to make it to work on time. I have also noticed that whenever I am in a hurry, Hayleigh really dislikes it, and decides to cry about it in displeasure too.
I cannot believe that I have not had an abundance of white hairs pop up yet from all of this. That is something else that has changed... MY HAIR. I have heard that pregnancy does change your hair someway or another. I kept watching it the whole time I was pregnant, and it was same thing as always, I just quit losing any hair. Now, I shed like a sheep dog, and my hair has never been better! Allen commented on this on Saturday night too. I had mentioned that I thought I looked better now, than I had pre-baby. He said he has noticed it too, and thinks that I am much happier now, not worrying about getting pregnant, and said he thinks I still glow. Awww!~ He knows just what to say to butter me up! I think he is right though... I am not worrying about getting pregnant now, I know that will probably come back around again though for baby #2, but, for the meanwhile, I am soo happy with our little family.
Baby #2... yes, we have already had people asking when we were planning for Baby #2 already. We have agreed that if Baby #2 doesn't come around by the time Hayleigh is 1 year old, we would start trying again. Yes, that was if I don't get pregnant in the time between now and next July, which means I am not on the pill. Me vs. the pill... hmmm. After not having that stupid thing for the past 6 years, it was really interesting when I started taking it again. Let's just say we did not agree, and I did not like being so dang gone moody all of the time, and also hated the effect it had on my skin. Not to mention having a nice visitor every other week... That was the final straw. So, now, I am happily not taking it at all, and we are planning on after we have Baby #2, someone is getting spayed or neutered.

I cannot believe it is already October! A year ago, we were just starting our cycle in Evansville, that got us Hayleigh. It is silly thinking of stuff like this, but, it still makes me cry thinking about now and then. I think November 14th will be a day we will celebrate.. that is the day we found out Hayleigh was in deed on her way, and it changed our lives forever.

The funny thing I have learned through all of the dealing with infertility... you never do let go of those feelings you had when you was trying to get pregnant.. they just flip to being forever grateful for the baby you finally have. You remember the days that you had struggled, and look back at them wishing that you would have known that that round was not going to work. You will lose friends and gain soo many others from just having infertility in common.It is funny that we even contemplated about doing the round last October, that resulted with getting Hayleigh... I had a gut instinct that we had to do it..I am sure glad we trusted it.

3 MONTHS ALREADY!!??

2010-09-29T15:40:00.001-05:00

Doesn't even seem possible does it? Tomorrow our little stinker will be 3 months old! "Stinker Dink" seems to have stuck to what I call Hayleigh as a little nickname, and it was not at all intentional. My nickname I was given when I was little was Pooh Bear- my dad always has to give a special name to everything, and I guess I am just as guilty of this.

Last night, after we got home, I laid Hayleigh down in her crib since she was still sleeping, and clearly didn't take much of a nap. She had slept for around a half hour, then I began to hear her babbling to herself in her crib- probably telling her mobile how it was, and then I would hear a little GEEGEE! Her little giggle sure can lite a room on up!

I just got Hayleigh's 3 month pictures booked for a week from Friday now, and I am soo excited to get some new pictures of her up on our "Hayleigh Shrine" wall. I swear only 2 of those pictures have someone in the picture besides Hayleigh- how conceded are we?

I know every new parent thinks their child is soo "advanced", but, we really do, and joke about it all of the time. I have confirmed this with the "What to Expect the First Years" book. Hayleigh can do everything a 4 month old should be able to do, minus grasping a rattle and shaking it. She is very alert, and always wants to know what is going on. She expresses this with complaining and throwing a fit if she is not constantly looking at something new- often getting bored quite easily. Hayleigh can hold her head up straight and at a full 90 degrees while lying on her belly very well too! Numerous people have commented after they found out how old Hayleigh is that she can hold her head up very well! We have noticed this also. She really likes to be stood up and held, with her supporting herself with her legs. She is such a strong little girl, and I am afraid that she will take after both Mommy and Daddy and be walking before she is 10 months old.

Hayleigh has really taken to watching Baby Praise DVDS while I get ready for work in the morning, after her first feeding. I know the songs drive Allen crazy, but, I have caught myself humming or singing the songs in my head from time to time- very catchy.

It is just really hard to believe that our little baby is growing up soo darn fast!

It's been a LONG time....

2010-09-27T16:14:00.001-05:00

Yes, I know I haven't been on here in a really LONG time now... a month! Hayleigh is growing like a weed, literally! She is now in her 3-6 month clothes, and will now be 3 months on Thursday. It is really just amazing how fast she has grown, and started new things. She is playing with her play palace now, hitting the toys that hang down above her. Her grins have turned into the biggest sweet smiles you have ever seen, always with a little giggle following soon after. Hayleigh can hold her head up very well, and can now hold herself up and push up on her elbows- I have pictures I will have to upload later. She is fascinated with the Baby Praise DVDs my aunt, brought her. Really this whole last month is amazing, because just two months ago, she was not smiling or making the facial expressions that now melt our hearts. I am very proud of Hayleigh's sleep schedule even after I have started back to work- a week ago now. She goes to sleep for the night at 9:30pm, and then she is up around 7:30- 8am with her babbling over the monitor talking away to the mobile above her head. Toby, our smaller min pin LOVES Hayleigh, and is ohh so careful with her. It really is amazing just how careful Missy and Toby are around Hayleigh, it is like they know she is so fragile. Toby will belly crawl up to Hayleigh's feet when I am sitting with her on the floor, and roll onto his back, wanting her to pet him. I will help Hayleigh stoke Toby's back, and you can just see it in his eyes how much he loves it, and is just thrilled that she is watching him and touching him now. Missy still observes from afar, I am sure that once Hayleigh can give belly rubs, and Missy figures this out, she will be Hayleigh's dog through and through.

One thing I find funny that has not changed since having Hayleigh is how emotional I get. I tear up at the smallest things I find or think about. For instance, I can hear a song on the radio, think of Hayleigh, and then it is water works from there on out. I think about Christmas time, buying clothes for that time, or her first Halloween, and bumble bee trick or treat costume, and start crying like a big baby. Last night, I was showing my step mom the personalized video of Santa that was made for Allen's 4 year old cousin, and started tearing up, thinking just how much fun it will be to see her eyes light up at Christmas time too. I really am starting to tear up while writing this too. I thought that once my hormones we lined back out, and adjusted, that this kind of stuff would go away, but, it has not. I guess I am still in denial that we are where we are now...a year ago, I was a very bitter person, upset with everyone and everything because of our failed round of IUI, but, a year later, and I couldn't be any happier! Funny how much can change in a year...

Ohh, on a good note, one of my friends that was going to the same fertility specialist as we were, had her twins almost 2 wks ago now. Like us, she lost one of her babies at exactly 7wks too- she was having triplets, and we were having twins. I am soo happy the babies and her family are all doing well. They were only a little over 2 lbs a piece, and she had been hospitalized for over 6 weeks before they were born at 28 weeks gestation. Everyone I have known that was struggling for a family, now has or is expecting now. I really would love to bottle up some of this water from around us and save it for when we are ready to start trying for baby # 2! Hopefully next time will not be as hard, or as long of a wait. Our plan for the time being is to wait until Hayleigh is around a year old, before we start trying again- shooting for a spring or winter baby this time, so I can be off for the holidays since we cannot take off during that time at my work.

In other news, there is only one thing that breaks my heart anymore... people playing favorites already. We really did expect this to happen with the people that are involved, so it is not such a big surprise all in all. I just hope that the people that are doing this remember that Hayleigh is here too, and she is not left out like someone else that is very dear to me was though out their life too. Hayleigh was constipated really bad a few weeks ago, and was screaming from pain, and they did not even write on facebook, or call to see how Hayleigh was doing. It just really has surprised me that they have not been concerned with some of the things that have happened enough to call, or to even just check in to see how things are going with Hayleigh. I guess since we have facebook, and I keep up on it with pictures and updates, they feel that is enough for them. Everyone had been checking in at least once a week with us, until Hayleigh was 6 weeks old, then, a few of them just disappeared. One of them was constantly bringing strangers to the hospital when Hayleigh was born, and then out to our house. It always seems to happen every time we get together though. And, especially now, with the circumstances at hand, it was a given that this would happen. At least, we have the people that care about us and Hayleigh close at hand, whether it be by phone/computer or here at home with us. Really there is nothing to complain about, Hayleigh really is one spoiled little girl already.

The Good Baby

2010-08-21T11:05:00.000-05:00

Since I have been soo busy lately, I thought while I had a chance, I would give some updates. Hayleigh has now slept through the night for over a week and a half, with the exception of 1 night from traveling- I'll get into that in a few days. She is falling to sleep on her own- no rocking, pacifier- she doesn't like to take them anyway, drunk off of milk, music, or her heartbeat bear. She can hold her head up quite well now, and can almost halfway turn over now. She has been scooting since she was a week old, and gets quite mad if she cannot get anywhere. She is very fascinated with pictures, and has been grinning at us for over a week now- just waiting on that smile! Colic hit about 2 weeks ago now. It has not been as bad as what I thought it would be. I just give her little tummies gripe water, and give her a pacifier- she only takes them when she is gassed up, and it has to be one of her favorite two. She is usually fine after that. Hayleigh is now wearing 0-3 months clothes, and just about out of her newborn now. She gets weighed next at her 2 month checkup on the 26th of this month. I am guessing that she is around 10lbs now- since she weighed 9lbs 2 oz at her 1 month checkup.
Hayleigh is definitely a snuggler- she loves sleeping with me on the bed after her first morning feeding- around 5-6am. She sleeps in her wedge on Allen's side of the bed, and is quite content there- this does not mean she will be sleeping there after I go back to work. I really don't want a child sleeping with us in our bed at 3years old. Hayleigh has slept through the night for that last week in her crib, instead of the bassinet- I am very proud of her, and I don't think I could have slept without the angel care monitor we have. The monitor beeps every time Hayleigh breathes, and will set off an alarm if she should ever stop breathing for more than 15 seconds. IT really gives me some peace of mind.
I do have to say that all I want to do is shop for clothes for Hayleigh now, and take pictures. Allen swears that I have to have a pkg coming at least once a week from eBay or amazon. I am just really content with where we are in life now. Finally a Family.

Here... One Year Later

2010-08-13T05:11:00.000-05:00

This is what we had going on EXACTLY one year ago from now.... Can you believe we are now here with a BABY???!!!!! I know it is early right now, but, I was up with Hayleigh and decided to get on my facebook and look at my old photos I have on there. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks... the album I had made called infertility. I know I am always going on about how incredible it is that we are where we are today, with Hayleigh. But, if you would look at this and could remember what it was like to go through this stuff too, it would be a little bittersweet to you too. So, today is a day for us to celebrate.. we are nowhere near where we were a year ago, and we are LUCKY. Some couples never do get to have the day we are having today- looking back on the fertility treatments they went through while holding their sweet little bundle of joy. Today is just very surreal, and makes this video below all that more special now.

Wordless Wednesday... Sleeping like a Baby

2010-08-11T23:53:00.000-05:00

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz is exactly what Ms. Hayleigh has been doing for the past few nights now.... all through the night. We are talking from 9:30- 10pm at night to 5:30-6am every morning now! Can you tell just how excited I am? Hayleigh has been an extremely good baby, sleeping very well through the night with the exception of a few nights that I can count on one hand. I do know one thing.. if everyone is right about having a second baby, we are soo screwed. All I have heard is that no two babies are alike, and that usually you have a really good baby and then the total opposite. So, we have our good baby, which makes me really wonder if we want to even go on to try for #2 anytime soon.

Joined at the Boob....

2010-08-07T12:58:00.001-05:00

This is one of my favorite photos of Hayleigh soo far- her personality really is starting to show!

Hayleigh was 5wks old in all of these pictures today

Yesterday, Hayleigh turned 5wks old. I ended up taking her up to my mom's house aka Grandma Sue's, so Allen and I could get some yard work done. I ended up running the weedeater the whole time after I got back from dropping Hayleigh off. When we got it all done and got settled back into the house to cool off and shower, it was soo quite. I have to say the house almost felt empty without Hayleigh in it. It is very weird to have someone soo little joined at the boob with you 24/7, to not be there, even if it was for only a few hours. I ended up going back into town to pick Hayleigh up, and go to some of the garage sales with my mom and Hayleigh before picking up Joe's Pizza and heading back home. We had fun going to the very few garage sales that we did, we even got to see a baby boy that was only 2 wks younger than Hayleigh. He had more hair than Hayleigh, and had it styled in a mohawk. We ended up back at our house with my mom and Joe's Pizza to munch on, while we watched It's Complicated... Mom had not seen this movie. Anyway, after Mom left, we settled down for the evening with Hayleigh, all going to bed early. She did not fight sleep at all, she was just as wiped out as we were. All in all, we had a great day out in the nice weather for once, and had time to sit home and enjoy our little girl.

To Be or Not to Be... that is the Question

2010-08-06T09:49:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone finds this entertaining... my battles that I have with myself, that I just happen to drag Allen into. This is all CRAZY I am warning you, but, it is a real reality of WHAT IF....

It is funny how you can go through life trying to prevent something, then go to wanting it to happen, and then back to trying to prevent it again. BABIES. It has been since Janurary of 04 that I went off of the pill and never did go back on it until now. A part of me just wants to shuck the stupid things out the window, the other is scared to think if something did happen on it's own this time, I would be stuck at home by myself most of the time with an 11 month old and a newborn next year. Scarry to think huh? I cannot tell you just how many people have told me to throw those pills away, and if it happens this time without having to go through all of the doctor visits, ultrasounds, shots, and that stupid dip stick deal again, it would be a great thing for us. Tempting as this is, I have things holding me/us back, and things screaming GO FOR IT in the back of my mind.
IF We did get pregnant right off of the bat again:
1. Hayleigh will not have our full attention, or a fair first year with us.
2. I would be stressed beyond belief trying to take care of the house, yard, 2 dogs, and a baby while pregnant.
3. Just how much would this all cost?
4. I don't think Allen and I would ever get time alone ever again.
5. Hayleigh is worth more to us than doing that to her.
But...
1. NO SHOTS AND CRAP
2. FREE to Get Pregnant this time
3. Done having kids by the time we would both be 28- goal is 30.
4. Hayleigh and sibling would be close in age, maybe get along better
5. I loved being pregnant, and can see just why the Duggars are addicted to having kids.
6. We already love Hayleigh more than anything in the world, just think if there were two of them to love.

Yes, I know this is silly, but, I love to play what if game all of the time. Going off of the pill, getting pregnant on our own, makes me feel scared in some ways. I am afraid that IF we have just 1 more, we cannot just stop with just 1 more, and be like a cat lady collecting cats, or like the Duggars collecting babies. Some things in this world are just too precious to take for granted, or cheat... like Hayleigh's first year. So, we are still for the time being, or until Hayleigh gets over 6 months old, staying on the stupid pill... For now that is.

Hayleigh and the shortest Month in History...

2010-08-04T15:04:00.000-05:00

Hayleigh after a long day of turning 4 wks old....

Last Friday was very special.. my grandpa turned 80 years old, and Hayleigh 1 whole month! I sat there that morning thinking back a month ago, what all had happened, thinking I wished I would have known then what I know now. I wish I would have had a little bit of time to relax before Hayleigh got here. I think this would have really helped out with my labor a little bit more. I wish I would have known at the time that the jaundice was not that big of a deal. I realize that I was all hopped up on hormones when this was all going on, but, I like to be prepared for everything. Anyway, I sat and rocked Hayleigh in her room after a feeding, watching the clock, wishing I could visit a month ago again. I sat there with Hayleigh in my arms, thinking back a year ago then... I wish I could tell myself that everything would work out, and soon then, that the first round though failed, would be a distant memory by now. I sat there crying, soo happy to be where we are now, then... Hayleigh spit up all over me! She had this look on her face like someone had just slapped her. Poor girl! So, I got us both changed and cleaned up. I had to get us ready to go shopping with my mom later on that day anyway. We ended up at Kohls once again. I seriously do not know if they have an outfit that Hayleigh does not have. The question when shopping there my mom constantly is asking is if Hayleigh has a certain outfit and in what size. After purchasing yet again more outfits, we went to Jo Ann's Fabric to get some stamp pads to get Hayleigh's foot prints on everything I wanted to get them on. We ended up with hot pink, pastel pink, and black. The ink is all washable, so, Hayleigh did not fuss much when we did get around to stamping her feet. We finally went and both got pedicures at the new nail salon in Vincennes. This was my mom's first pedicure and my 2nd. I ended up getting my toes tiger striped. After leaving there, I ended up hurrying home to run a few errands and going out to eat with just my dad. I cannot get over just how much both of my parents love showing Hayleigh off. After spending time with my dad, I headed home, and got Hayleigh settled in for bed, since Allen would not be in until Saturday morning. After I got Hayleigh down for the night in her bassinet, I did snap a few pictures. After a very long day out, we finally got to really relax and celebrate... Hayleigh is a month old!

Wordless Wednesday....Better than a Puppy

2010-08-04T15:02:00.000-05:00

This is my mom.. aka Grandma Sue with Hayleigh at the Wendelin Picnic from Sunday. This was Hayleigh's first church picnic, and will be the start of many more. Grandma Sue had fun showing off Hayleigh and exclaiming that she is a Proud Grandma as you can see in the picture.

Wordless Wednesday... WHOA!!!!

2010-07-28T23:11:00.000-05:00

Guess who will be a month old already on Friday???!!!! I know it doesn't seem possible she will be a month old already!

Random thoughts and happenings

2010-07-27T12:57:00.001-05:00

I haven't had anything much to report lately. Hayleigh, Allen, and I have been very busy. Hayleigh is growing like a weed of course. She gets weighed at the doctor on Thursday to make sure her weight keeps going up. I have my postpartum checkup tomorrow, which I am excited to find out how much I have lost again on weight. Things have been pretty quite around the house. Hayleigh's Godfather, Garrett, stopped by with his mom, Tonya, my cousin to meet Hayleigh for the first time today. It was really great seeing him hold Hayleigh- she really does make everyone smile and puts a sparkle in their eyes. I am sure she enjoyed the visit as well, she stayed bright eyed and bushy tailed for them.. did not fuss until after they left for her lunch and nap.
We did happen to find a rocking chair for Hayleigh. We picked it up at a local store, and I have to say it really does look like Crackle Barrel's rocking chair- it was just unfinished. We had my dad paint it for Hayleigh - he sprayed it high gloss white, to match the nursery. Time is passing soo fast now. Hayleigh will be a whole month old already on Friday- the same day my Grandpa turns 80 years old. We have come to find out that Hayleigh is allergic to Huggies diapers. I am not too thrilled about this, since Huggies is my favorite, and I really do not care for Pampers- they get droopy and mushy- not like the Huggies. Allen's mom has been here visiting Hayleigh for the last week and a half, and we will hate to see her leave. I know this blog has been totally random, but, I am trying to get this done before Hayleigh gets up from her nap, and these are just the few things that I can think to write about really quickly. I'll have another post with pictures up on Thursday when I can get a chance to get them uploaded.

Hayleigh turned 3wks, and we cried......

2010-07-21T16:51:00.001-05:00

I have been soo busy to say the least. Today, Hayleigh is now 3wks old, and Monday was my due date. Monday was soo sad for me. Monday, my intended due date, was the last little thing that marked Hayleigh being early. I cannot explain it, and I know it sounds silly, but, I really do miss being pregnant. It is not because I am getting less sleep, or anything like that. Getting pregnant took us all of the 5 years, and carrying Hayleigh went by too fast for me. I really did love being pregnant, and can now see why people have soo many kids. Being pregnant gives you a real "womanly" sense. I felt soo feminine and thought that the curves I had from the baby bump were just soo beautiful. I miss feeling Hayleigh kick me, and I miss singing going down the highway to the radio, and rubbing my belly, thinking of Hayleigh. Now, I can look at her in the mirror when it is just the two of us in the car, but, I did catch myself to start to rub my belly the other day, singing along with the radio, until I realized that there was no longer a "bump" there, and Hayleigh was sitting in the back in her pumpkin seat. So, now, I just sing for her. I know I cannot wait to get pregnant again someday- hopefully not until Hayleigh is 1 year old. Both Allen & I really want to make our time with Hayleigh special, and just enjoy having us three as a family. I have had a lot of people laugh at me over this, already wanting more. I guess it is just wanting to know if we have to go through it all again. I think it would be soo nice not having to plan everything for once.
The last few weeks really have flown by. I cannot believe that Hayleigh is already almost one whole month old now. Her doctor appointments have went by just fine. We had a thrush scare, and she has finally gained all of her weight she had lost back- she lost a full pound within a few days of being born. I have now lost 30lbs- which is fantastic! I haven't been trying to lose any weight, but, I guess with breast feeding, it falls off of you, no matter what you eat. I feel great now, and have almost gotten back to everything I was doing pre pregnancy.

Motherhood is everything I hoped it would be. I am sure that Allen can say the same about becoming a father too. I know one of the best things that has come from having Hayleigh... I am now really close to my own parents, and I have a greater love for my mom. I just hope that Hayleigh and I can share that one day too.

Part III Hayleigh Arrival and Jaundice... my little glow worm

2010-07-21T16:50:00.000-05:00

On Saturday morning, we went up to the hospital, and took Hayleigh back to OB. I had to strip her down, so they could get her weight and then scan her forehead with the billie rubeon test. She ended up going up to 17.3- and the pediatrician wanted to see her again on Sunday morning. he made us aware that breastfeeding would prolong the jaundice and it would not go down as easily. So, Saturday, Allen went and shot sporting clays with his grandpa, and I had my sister come over with her boyfriend from out of town to visit Hayleigh for the first time. I had Hayleigh out in the sun for about 40 minutes under the tree out in our back yard to try to help with the jaundice. Magen and her boyfriend, Brad really enjoyed visiting and dressing up Hayleigh. My mom later brought by supper. She brought green beans with sausage, new potatoes,homemade angel food cake, and macaroni and cheese- I had whined that they were finally serving macaroni and cheese the day I left the hospital. I have to say that every time my mom came out, I just wanted her to stay. I have never felt soo clingy to my mother in all of my life. It really is funny how we cling to our moms when we are little, then try to get away from them as we are teenagers, and then have babies, and go back to being our mom's babies again. Magen had to leave, and I spent the rest of the evening trying to get Hayleigh to eat. She slept soo good that night too! 5 1/2 hrs.

Sunday.. 4th of July. We had to go to the hospital.. yet again. This time, they drew blood from Hayleigh's heel. The guy that did it, was nervous, especially with Allen standing over him, watching our little girl. We went back to OB, her jaundice went up to 18.7... and she lost a whole pound, now down to 6lbs 14 oz. The pediatrician wanted to admit Hayleigh to the hospital.. Mom asked how long the average stay was. The Ped didn't want to say, but, finally told us 2-3 days. I was in shock. Allen and my mom were there with me, while I was trying to make sense of it all. We asked if there was anything we could try for the day. After twisting his arm a bit, we got to go home and do light therapy for the day, and had to come back that evening to test her jaundice again. I couldn't leave my baby at the hospital now! So, Allen had to talk to the people that were bringing the light out to our house, while I sat and rocked Hayleigh, about to melt down into tears. Mom asked me if I knew what the Ped had been saying, that he wanted to admit Hayleigh. I told her I did, but, was waiting for him to give us another option. Allen got back from talking to the nurses at the desk and the people bringing the light out to us. The plan was to give Hayleigh nothing but formula, I would pump, and she would stay under the light unless she was being fed every 2 hrs or changed. The nurses were nice enough to send us some extra formula home with us, and we sent Allen's dad and step mom into Walmart to pick me up a breast pump and some more formula, so we could get home and start tending to Hayleigh.

The people showed up set up the light machine, and we got Hayleigh right on it. It strapped around her belly with her in her diaper and she just slept with it running.

Hayleigh - my "little glow worm" all hooked up to the light therapy

My dad was one of the first visitors with my step mom and step sister to visit. It was really bittersweet. No one could hold Hayleigh. We just sat there and stared at her all hooked up. I finally offered to have everyone look at the nursery- since no one had seen the finished product. Dad made a quick circle around and decided to leave the room. My step mom said he had ice cream, and had become lactose intolerant. I peeked around the corner to see if Dad had went to the bathroom.. he stood over Hayleigh smiling at her in the living room. Seeing this made me want to cry. I told them before they left Dad could feed Hayleigh since she was on formula then. He got all excited, until the time came. He said he would just watch... as you can see below, I made him feed her. He was very nervous, and kept asking if he would drown her. I told him he was fine, and, so was Hayleigh.

Hayleigh's light therapy machine

So, after everyone left, I finally got to pump. My milk had been coming in, my boobs felt like softballs that someone had been smacking with a ball bat. I ended up pumping 6 oz out. Just after I got done pumping, we took Hayleigh in to the hospital again, got her foot pricked again, and sent to the OB to wait for the results. After about an hour, the results were in... 15.3!!! We were instructed to come back in the morning again, and if the numbers were down again, we were in the clear. We ended up celebrating, since Allen had a bad feeling before we got the results. We took Hayleigh to Walmart, and got sparklers, since we wouldn't be able to go to the fireworks that night. We kept that poor girl on the lights all night. I felt soo relieved. We went back to the hospital Monday morning, and back to lab and OB, her jaundice was down again to 14.5. The Ped said to resume breastfeeding her, and discontinue the light therapy, but to come back in one more time on Tuesday morning just to check with the scan this time. Long story short, we had Hayleigh's 1 wk appt on Tuesday, jaundice went down to 13.2, she was perfectly fine, and to go back on Thursday for a follow up scan, that ended up being 12.8. It was a very tough week for both Allen and I, especially Hayleigh's poor feet! But, we made it through it all.

Back to Part II of Hayleigh's arrival.

2010-07-21T16:19:00.002-05:00

Okay... I am sure I left off on day one of Hayleigh being here. Our hospital stay was great. The first night, I requested to have Hayleigh every few hours for nursing her, and, just anytime she was fussy, for her to be brought into my room. I know I should have taken advantage of the rest now while I could, but, I felt guilty sending Hayleigh out there, when she was not asleep. I had waited forever to get her, why send her away now? So, Allen stayed on the couch that turned into a bed, and I had Hayleigh every two hours. Kim, the nurse I had had while in labor was working that night as well, kind of smirked every time she brought me Hayleigh and woke me up. I didn't mind, and I think I had to be the happiest person going on very little sleep, no complaints from me! At the 4:30am feeding, I sat there thinking of just where I had been the night before, just starting to push, when 6:30 rolled around, I sat there and cried, my little girl was 1 day old already! I just sat there trying to take in everything that had happened in the last 24- 48 hrs. How this all started Tuesday morning. I even wanted to go back and relive it all again- can anyone else say they actually wanted to do this? I still would to this day. Just to feel one last kick from Hayleigh, and sit there and enjoy it, really enjoy it. I say this because I was soo out of it to think like this when Hayleigh was coming.

Allen with Hayleigh - Hayleigh 2hrs old

Anyway, day two. Day two was great! I had my street clothes on- capris, and a pink shirt. I straightened up my room in between feedings. I could barely nap at all. I showered, and then put makeup on and did my hair. I was all ready to go home! But, I could not. Hayleigh and I had to stay 48hrs after she was born because I had tested positive for the Strep B Bacterial- which is very common from what I had found out. Allen went home and straightened up the house and mowed with my mom's help. We had visitors that day in and out. Later that night we had our "stork dinner", which turned out to be a complete joke. Allen's dad and his step mom, finally made it from California to see Hayleigh, right about the same time my dad was leaving with my step mom. Allen ended up leading his dad into the room, and I gave him Hayleigh. I still cannot get over the way Hayleigh makes people react. Allen's dad ended up going back out to his truck, and let Allen's step mom come in to see Hayleigh- they drove all the way here, and had their two little dogs out there. They ended up going out to our house and got settled in before returning back into town to visit once again. Allen ended up going out to eat with them, while I sat and cuddled with Hayleigh. We had one rude nurse that kept taking Hayleigh away in the middle of her feedings to see the pediatrician, which really did not make me too happy. It was hard sitting in my room across from the nursery listening to my baby cry and cry. What made this the hardest was that the nurse would not bring her back to me, and would not swaddle Hayleigh either. I had a very sweet nurse that would bring her back every time she saw Hayleigh in there, and would re swaddle her for me. Hayleigh ended up failing her hearing test in one ear that day, but, passed it the next day, and she started to develop a higher jaundice level. It started out at 13 on Thursday. Thursday night was to be our last night at the hospital, so, Allen went ahead and slept at the house after spending both Tuesday and Wednesday nights there. It was harder not having anyone in the room just for comfort with me, besides Hayleigh. We made it through the night with flying colors though. Friday morning, Hayleigh's pediatrician came in and informed me that Hayleigh's Jaundice was now up over 15, and to bring her in Saturday morning for a billie check. I thought for a while they were wanting to keep Hayleigh for a day, and let me go home, or keep us both. When I told Allen this, I could hear it in his voice, he missed us and was scared. We ended up getting discharged at 10 am, and Allen and his dad were there to take us home. I ended up just leaving Hayleigh in her hospital sweater and blanket to bring her home- she was asleep, and I wanted to get home. We got home, and I didn't know what to do. It was soo weird being gone since Tuesday morning, until then. I changed Hayleigh's diaper, and put her in a onesie, and then laid on the couch since my feet were still really swollen. It hit me like a ton of bricks then... baby blues. I wanted to cry, I wanted to be alone with just Allen and Hayleigh, I wanted my Mom. I got immediately scared the Hayleigh could die. I didn't say a word to anyone until that night when Allen and I were lying there in bed talking. Hayleigh had slept most of the day that day- exhausted from visiting with my mom, and everyone else. I didn't even think that her jaundice was a problem.

Hayleigh and my mom on our first afternoon home.

Almost There.....

2010-07-15T21:25:00.000-05:00

Almost there is where I am on being caught up with everything around the house with taking care of both my sweeties. Allen has been sick, and with the addition of Hayleigh, it hasn't made things all that easy. I have gotten tons of stuff done around the house that I had been wanting to get done for sometime now, and with having another being in the house demanding my complete attention, I am pretty pleased with what I have accomplished. I think here in a month, you would not even have guessed we had a baby recently. I should have the yard whipped back into shape, and have a pretty regular schedule set up with Hayleigh too. I am almost done with the inside of the house, and am planning an attack on the outside in the next few weeks. I just have to get the ok from Sandy before I turn this into turbo speed.

Things have been sailing along quite smoothly. I cannot complain about much of anything at all really. Breastfeeding has been a breeze so far. I was worried about that. Hayleigh is just fighting going to sleep more now, and I have been fighting the time... she turned 2wks yesterday...sob sob. ..... I cannot believe how fast this has all went already! I just really want to keep Hayleigh this size for a few more months, then I think I might be ready for her to grow. I cannot believe how our famlies have come together and really have gotten soo excited over Hayleigh. It really makes my heart smile soo much when I see everyone light up when they are around my sweet little girl. It really is amazing just how much a new little live can really change the lives of those around her.

We had some visitors today... My aunt Judy, and my cousins Tonya and Ami. Tonya and Judy are really special to us anyway. Tonya was my "buddy" when I was little. I was joined at the hip to her when we had a family get together. Judy lost her husband, my uncle to ALS this last early spring, but before this, their family was among the very first to know that Hayleigh was on the way with the potential of a few other siblings at the same time too. I really do wish that my uncle could be here now to see Hayleigh, but, like Tonya and I agreed today, at least he knew Hayleigh was on her way before he passed. We have spent several Thanksgivings and Easters with this family, and I just cannot express how very special they all really are to us. Now, we have asked Tonya if her son, Garrett, can be Hayleigh's God Father. I could not imagine it any other way.

We also recently just got the preview of the newborn pics we had taken last Thursday as well. I have to say I cannot wait to see the rest!

To see the rest you can see them on my facebook page, or go to shutterbugkeepsakes.com

Announcing the birth of our daughter, Hayleigh Antonetta McCann Part One

2010-07-06T16:02:00.002-05:00

Hayleigh just born

Hayleigh 6 days Old

So, now everyone can see why I haven't been on here for a while. I was waiting to post the 37 wks post on Tuesday, after my doctor's appointment, to post what I had found out. Last Tuesday, at work, I started not feeling soo hot at 6:30 am, I was dizzy and was just plain yucky feeling. I checked my blood pressure with the little wrist blood pressure monitor we have there at work, and it gave the reading of 139/87, which is higher than mine has been this whole time. I called Allen at home- lucky he did not take the load he was to take to St. Joe Missouri, to tell him to come and pick me up, since I did not feel like driving home. I called my mom, and asked her if I should go ahead and call Sandy, my midwife, but, since I already had an appointment scheduled for that morning at 10:10am, we decided to just wait. I came home with Allen after work, and laid down until it was time to leave. Luckily, we had halfway packed an overnight bag for me for "just in case". We made it to the clinic, weighed- I had gained the 2 lbs back- bringing me back up to 20lbs, and one of the OB doctors checked me- I was dilated to 4 already. I asked the question of could I get out of work for the rest of the week, and just how long she thought I had until the baby would be ready. She replied that she would go and get Sandy. Sandy then comes right back, and asks me how I feel about having a baby today....UMMMMM I replied, I just wanted to get out of work for the rest of the week, so, we left the clinic, and went straight to the hospital. Both Mom, and Allen were with me this whole time, and were getting soo excited. Allen told me I turned white as a ghost when Sandy told me what was going to happen. I know I was shaking and about to cry. I wasn't ready! I still had stuff to clean in the house, and wanted to have time to relax before this! Anyway, after dealing with this is really happening now, both Allen and I called everyone that was "on call" and our works to let them know what was going on. I got checked in to the hospital, and put right in a room- the biggest room they had, since we were the only ones in there that day. I got hooked up to the monitors, and sat on the bed, thinking everything was soo surreal. Mom got to put my IV in, since the nurse blew my vein. I was then put on pitocin to induce labor. I sat there in the bed, while Allen and my Mom ran around getting everything I/we needed that was not packed. I sat and sat and sat. Sandy came and checked on me, and I had a few visitors- Allen's grandparents and a few of our friends. I had my water broken at 4:30 pm- it really hurt bad! It wasn't until about 7:30 that I started to really need some pain relief, with contractions every minute and a half apart. I got a drug administered to my IV to help take the "edge" off. I was soo delirious that I could barely keep my eyes open halfway. I once asked my mom if she needed more light to finish Hayleigh's baby quilt, I told her we had a baby wipe warmer with a light she could use. The medicine worked great for an hour and a half, then the contractions started rolling in again. My mom sent for the nurse to get more of the same drug that I had in the IV- it did not help at all. My mom was rubbing my back every few minutes with bath and body works Christmas lotion - I don't know what I would have done without her. Then, my blood pressure cuff kept pumping up - it did this for 3 minutes straight. The nurse had previously changed the cuff 3 times. I had a melt down with the blood pressure machine in the middle of a really hard contraction. I was bawling my eyes out, calling the machine everything I could think of, begging anyone to take it the "F" off of me. I finally made it through the contraction and the blood pressure machine was stopped for a minute. My dad, and his wife, and her daughter had witnessed all of this and had stayed for the previous 2 hrs to help out. My dad and step mom decided to go ahead and leave, but, my stepsister, did not want to leave when things got really hard for me and thought everything was really interesting to watch. My mom then called for the nurse to check me, and see about getting an epidural to help me rest. I was dilated to 8 and we called for the epidural. I could only have one person in the room with me at the time, even Sandy had to step out. I had my Mom stay. She had been my support for the last 4 hrs of pain, I wanted to have someone who could help me keep my focus there. Allen stood out in the hall with Sandy and talked about how they just "knew" I wouldn't make it through that week without going into labor. The epidural did not really hurt. Every video I had seen or tv show I had watched with a person getting an epidural, had made it out to hurt really bad- not in my case. The epidural helped sooo much! My epidural ended up running out and getting pulled out of my back, I was soo out of it, talking about Cameron Diaz and a truck blocking a drive. Everyone had been laughing, and I didn't even know it. When my mom asked what I was talking about, I replied that it was stupid and never mind. I pushed and pushed- I thought I was not making any progress, I couldn't believe how hard this all was to get Hayleigh's head out. Once her head was out, I could not hardly take it anymore. Then, the shoulders were the worst thing for me. I handled it all feeling like I was dying- I never cussed. Finally, at 6:28 am, Hayleigh came out into the world. I was soo exhausted when they put her on my belly that I didn't realize what was happening right then. I had been up for over 24hrs at that point. I rubbed Hayleigh and started crying, or tried to cry- I was almost too exhausted to cry. I kept asking what I needed to do, and they just let Hayleigh lay on my belly. Allen cut the cord, and Sandy was remarking about how big the umbilical cord was, and didn't know how she was going to clamp it. The nurses took Hayleigh over to the warming station, and checked her out. While she was there, I sat there and cried, realizing what had just happened. We finally were here. A family of 3 now. Allen and my mom were by my side, Allen kissed me and told me how great I had done. I told him to go over with my mom and hold Hayleigh. Sandy worked on getting the placenta delivered, and then started to repair the very minor damage I had- she said I could go without stitches, but, she would just give me a few just to make everything heal a little faster. Amazingly I had no injections to numb for the stitches. I asked Sandy if I had a bm while delivering Hayleigh, she replied, "NO". NOO! I was soo happy! I got to sip on a sprite while they took Hayleigh to the nursery to check her out, with Allen by her side. I went ahead and asked to go to the bathroom, since I could feel my legs really good. One of the nurses helped me to the bathroom, told me what all I needed to do to take care of myself, and helped me back to my bed. I got back to the bed, and they brought Hayleigh back to me with Allen. We had a full waiting room just for Hayleigh, Allen told me, and then everyone come in to meet our new family. They all held Hayleigh and just went on how beautiful she was. I had a renewed energy, sitting there soo proud of our new family, thinking of how long we had waited for this. After a while, everyone filed out, and let me rest- I just sat there beaming, holding Hayleigh. I got some lunch after a while, and decided I felt good, I had made it to the restroom 3 times by myself, and started straightening up the room, and myself. A nurse came in and asked if we would like to be in the commercial that they were filming for the hospital, I told her yes. That evening after many visitors, we filmed the commercial. Hayleigh wasn't even a day old! Allen went and got us take out from the steakhouse, and we sat and bonded with our new little girl. My mom and dad were soo proud of Hayleigh. I have never seen my dad act the way he did, and still does now. I will have a few more parts to this to catch everyone up on where we are now. Everyone is doing great, we are home, and my heart aches every day from having soo much love I didn't even know I could have for my mom, dad, and our new family. I know I now have a deeper bond with my mom. I couldn't have done this without her by my side. I never knew that I would feel soo much love like this. I kind of feel like the Grinch - my heart grew 10 times bigger that day, and I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything in the world.

36wks and T is for TWO!

2010-06-22T15:29:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Hayles and I made it to 36wks... YAY! Second, I had my doctor's appt today... lost 2lbs- back down to 18lbs total weight gain, and dilated to 2 centimeters!! Double YAY! Sandy doesn't think Hayleigh will be such a huge baby now, and says from the looks of everything, and how I have already started losing my mucas plug, and she has dropped down more, I should not go past my due date! And I got 2 parts of the back yard mowed today too! Great Day for ME! I go back a week from today to see a regular OB, Dr. Hatten, instead of my midwife I am seeing to check me off. Anyway, I will keep this short today- it is hot, and I still haven't been to bed yet or had lunch.

Father's Day for the new Daddy to Be

2010-06-20T21:19:00.000-05:00

Today, we celebrated Allen's first Father's Day, even though Hayleigh will not technically be here for a few weeks.... errr.. sometime soon anyway. Everything seems to be chugging right along with this wicked weather. I sucked it up today and went with Allen to shoot sporting clays- I just stayed in the cart while he jumped in and out. He says that without me along with him the last few times he has went, it just is not the same. We are usually side by side on the weekends, and never do much of anything on our own on the weekends, since we do not get to see that much of each other through the week. Today, I didn't even get the camera out to take any pictures, but, Allen did get a great Father's Day card earlier this week that I had made on shutterfly.com. I am sure that next years Father's Day will be even more special- by then Hayleigh should be close to saying mommy and daddy hopefully. We really plan on working with her a lot on everything we can. We didn't come this far just to relax and let go. Anyway, Happy Father's Day to all of the Dads, Dads to Be, and Grandpas!

Sneak Peek to Maternity Pics are IN!!!!

2010-06-18T17:24:00.003-05:00

Okay, here are four of the many pics that Jenny took on last Saturday. I am soo excited to see how the others turned out as well! My favorite is taken in Hayleigh's room by the window. It is just really weird to see me with such a baby bump now, that it makes me really want to cry from being soo happy that this really is REAL. If anyone is interested in having Jenny take their pics that lives in my area, her website is posted below. THANK YOU JENNY FOR MAKING THIS SOO SPECIAL FOR US! We really enjoyed our time we had with Jenny, and she has soo much insite on becoming a new mama too- makes me breath a sigh of relief. All in all, the shoot went very well, very comfortable too! Cannot wait for the newborn pics!

www.shutterbugkeepsakes.com

35wks... pregnancy brain, and ummm....

2010-06-18T16:23:00.000-05:00

Monday, Hayleigh and I made it to 35wks... did I even notice that I did not do a blog post on this? NOPE! I guess this week has been very busy. We had our maternity pictures taken on Saturday by Jenny Riggs Seiler. Everything went great- we are glad we did not go outside to do a shoot in the 90 degree weather and had such a great time with Jenny. Besides the maternity pics, most of the final stuff for the nursery has come this week too! Everything is pretty much ready now, just waiting for this girl to get here. Yesterday, Hayleigh begin to drop down, let me just say how much that hurt! My next appointment is on Tuesday, so, maybe we will just see how much longer until the big day! 4 wks from tomorrow is also my due date now, and everything is becoming more real as each day goes by. It is funny how fast this has all went, and I know that I keep saying this, but it is really true. Allen took a break yesterday from blowing out the gutters on the house- usually my job, anyway, we just sat there and talked about how we would have never guessed we would be here now... 9 months pregnant on Monday! We just sat there going on about how lucky we are that we are here now, and that just a year ago, it was one of the farthest things from our minds... we had pretty much given up on becoming parents anytime soon back then. Now, we joke when stuff is pilling up to get done, "why couldn't we be happy with just dogs?" The answer to this is clear, and our lives as we know it now, will be forever changed within a months time. Talk about scary... in a short amount of time, we will be responsible for another life! I don't think we would ever trade any of this for anything in the world!

Hayleigh's developments for the week:

Week 35 of Pregnancy

A rapidly growing brain makes your baby's head weigh more and that means more pressure on Mommy's bladder.

Your Baby in Week 35 of Pregnancy
Your baby is standing tall (so to speak) this week at about 20 inches and continues her steady weight gain (she’s about 5.5 pounds). While she won't get much longer, she will continue to pack on the pounds — including large amounts of baby fat — right up 'til delivery day. Something else that's moving at a mind-boggling pace these day: fetal brain development! There’s a lot going on inside that tiny head, which is, by the way, still soft to allow an easier exit through the birth canal.

Wordless Wednesday... The Crib is Complete!

2010-06-16T14:49:00.000-05:00

New Wall Decal from www.quotethewalls.com

Crib finished with new crib skirt from Pottery Barn Kids

Well, the crib is complete, and the new wall decal is now up, finishing off the area. I am soo happy that I ordered the second decal- it really made the wall above the crib look sooo sweet. I had Allen help me today while he was home put the decal up, and put the crib skirt on the crib. I am very pleased with how the room has turned out this far, and could not have imagined it looking any better! Now, just to get the baby in the room, and we will be set!

Welcome to Babyland!

2010-06-13T11:31:00.001-05:00

As Franck in Father of the Bride Part II says anyway... The nursery is 99% complete right now! I am just waiting on some things to get here... crib skirt from Pottery Barn Kids, Wall decal for behind the crib. The only other things we need to get yet are a monitor and a glider. Other than that, I would say if Hayleigh came today, she would not notice those few things missing. I finally got my butt in gear and took some pictures in the daylight, for some reason, the lighting in that room turns the walls a yellow color at night, so, the pics I took today are a whole lot better!

34wks Are we there Yet?

2010-06-09T19:19:00.000-05:00

On Monday, Hayles and I made it to 34 wks. Let me just say, I am sooo ready for her to come out now! Nesting has finally started kicking in now. I think today was the first day that I actually relaxed for once. I had my 34 wk doctor appointment on Monday too. I had to wait one whole hour to get in- the longest soo far! We did the usual... I gained the most in the last 2 wks that I have soo far- 5lbs, bringing me up to 20lbs total for this whole ride. I found out Hayleigh is now 6.5 lbs give or take an ounce or two. After the 22nd of this month, I will start going once a week from then on out, if we even make it past then. Sandy said that Hayleigh should be ready between the 28th of this month, up to the week before I am due. I am hoping for the first of July or around there. Hopefully this little ham decides she is getting too crampt, and wants out.

Saturday was the baby shower, everything went great. I will have a seperate post on that with some of the pictures taken from it on here soon! Sunday, Allen and I went to Terre Haute, to Babies'R'US to pick up the mattress and the changing pad for the nursery. We ended up getting some sheet savers, changing pad covers, the bumper, and more clothes... even though Allen forbid me to buy anymore. I went to the bathroom, and come back out to find him on the 40% off wall for the baby adidas clothes. He had the handle of the cart loaded with hot pink adidas outfits. At least he picked out 9mths and 12 mths clothes. They are all soo cute! We also went to Lowes and picked up a new ceiling fan for the nursery as well. The white one in there was very old, and was out of balance. We no more than got home, and Allen had our neighbor come over and help put the new fan up. Allen was soo excited about getting everything up, he had to put the bumper and the mattress in the crib himself. He got that all done, and stood there, looking around the room and just smiled. I thought he was going to cry there for a minute. I just sat on the floor smiling at him, he turned around, and saw me smiling at him, and told me not to make fun of him. I don't know anything more sweet than seeing Allen getting soo excited about becoming a daddy, and having soo much pride in that nursery. I have to give him credit, he has picked out the majority of everything that has went in there, from the furniture, to the mattress- he had to have the best for our little ham. Now, I am just getting everything washed and put away. I think I have seriously done 10 loads of laundry for Hayleigh now. I really cannot believe that in just around a months time, we will be a family of 3, instead of 2, and the house will no longer be as quite as it is now for a really long time!

Wordless Wednesday..She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes!

2010-06-09T18:37:00.001-05:00

Yes, this is my belly now, and yes the "lump" up above sticking out, is Hayleigh sticking her butt out. She has been putting her fat little butt in my ribs, my diaphragm, and pushing out on my sides like no other now. She is now up to 6.5lbs according to my midwife as of Monday morning. I'll have the blog post for the appointment and the shower on here ASAP. I figured I would do a preview of my big belly before Jenny comes and takes the maternity pics on Saturday.

Bittersweet Thoughts

2010-06-03T13:56:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling really anxious lately, thinking of just how soon it will be until we become parents. I have been trying to get the house ready, mainly organized before this all happens. Saturday is the big baby shower that I have been planning for most of my life. Like I have said before, I LOVE the Father of the Bride movies, and have been hanging on to some ideas for this big day for a really long time now. It is really hard to believe that in just 3 more weeks, I will be off of work after tomorrow, and in just 4-5 wks Hayleigh should be making her way into the world. It just does not seem like we should be here already. I keep looking in the nursery, and thinking to myself about how much time I will soon be spending in there. It is funny I catch Allen doing the same thing when he is home, just standing in that room, looking around. The dogs have even been sneaking in there snooping around all of the new stuff, and I am sure they know something big is going on, but, really have no idea of what is about to hit our house.

I am soo happy that I have finally been able to get sleep once again! I have figured out what I need to do to get comfortable now, and have it down to a science. 2 throw pillows- one wedged under my belly, and the other wedged under my back. I was starting to get afraid that I would not be getting any more good quality sleep from here on out after spending 2 of the 4 nights last weekend, sleeping in the recliner in the family room.

Everything is falling into place quite well, I just hope that everything keeps on running smooth here on out. I know Saturday will be a really busy day, but, I cannot wait to see all of our family and friends and share the excitement of Hayleigh becoming a reality. We have waited soo long to be here, it just does not seem possible that we are already in the home stretch. The only thing that is bittersweet is that here really soon, I will not be pregnant anymore, feeling all of those kicks, pushes, and jabs from our little ham, and be holding her in my arms instead. It just seems like I was just getting used to the idea of being pregnant, and we are already almost done!

Wordless Wednesday..These Boots were Made for Walkin

2010-06-02T08:31:00.000-05:00

Hayleigh's first camo - came from Nana Rose & Papa Ronnie this last weekend. The boots are too cute! I am ususally not a big fan of pink and camo, but these little boots were just made to walk all over hearts, especially with who will be wearing them.

33 wks and the uncomfortable train has rolled in

2010-05-31T20:38:00.000-05:00

Today is 33 wks for Hayls and me. I wish I could say that everything has been great, but the uncomfortable part has officially settled in now. I just wonder how much longer until I have sleep insomnia once again. Sleep has been the problem for me now. I just cannot get comfortable at all. My back hurts sooo bad with my pelvis shifting once again. My belly propped up on pillows now, makes my head feel like it is at the bottom of a mountain.I slept in the recliner on Saturday night- I couldn't get comfy at all. My dreams are not soo happy ones anymore- last night I dreamed that I lost Hayleigh.. she quit moving, and I did not know what to even do. .I dreamed that my Grandma died the other night. I just do not know why I keep dreaming of people I love being ripped away from me I realize now that I am still afraid that this can all just be ripped away from us still. I cannot wait to sleep on my back once again! The only other thing bothering me now, is that people are back to annoying me, I become snippy- I think this is due to me being uncomfortable and hot, and people just being stupid.

My doctors appt last Tuesday went well. I only gained 1 lb in the last 2 wks once again, making my total gain 15lbs. I am very proud of this, especially since I have not even tried at all to watch what I eat. Hayleigh is a VERY active little girl.. Sandy points this out every time I have an appointment and she kicks the fetal monitor off my belly, no matter where Sandy puts it. This last week, all of the kicks and squirms have went from wow watch this, to ouch that HURTS! I went to work 2 nights last week with my ribs hurting on my left side, and my left side has become a lot more tender lately from all of the punches. I wish she would quit beating me up, but, with the dream I had last night, I think I am still grateful for the beatings. Sandy is ordering another ultrasound to check Hayleigh's position and her weight, since we are sure she is around 5lbs or more right now. I am hoping that she comes 1-2 wks early, and I get to be induced. The only reason I would like to be induced besides Hayleigh being soo big, is that I would not have to worry about Allen missing her coming into the world. Other than that, everything has been just fine.

I have been working on getting baby clothes washed and sorted, and put up, along with everything else in the house organized while I still can. My to-do list has grown way out of control, but, I am taking it all day by day.

I guess now I should finish with Hayleigh's developments for this week- just keep in mind we have a little ham that is bigger than what the books say she should be!

Week 33 of Pregnancy

Your baby's immune system gets a boost, while her sleepless mommy could use a boost of energy.

Your Baby in Week 33 of Pregnancy
Your baby is still gaining weight (about half a pound a week), and she could grow up to another full inch this week. With that much baby inside your uterus, your amniotic-fluid level has maxed out, which explains why some of her pokes and kicks feel pretty sharp these days. (There's less fluid to cushion the blows.) Antibodies are being passed from you to your little one as she continues to develop her own fetal immune system, which will come in handy once she's outside the womb and fending off all sorts of germs.
Learn more about your baby in week 33 and the fetal immune system.
Your Body in Week 33 of Pregnancy
With midnight bathroom runs, leg cramps, heartburn, and your basketball-sized belly, it's no wonder sleep is elusive. Third-trimester insomnia strikes about three-quarters of pregnant women (who may also be coping with a mind that races all night long thinking about your to-do-before-the-baby-comes list). But your body needs rest, so do your best to get comfy — before bed and when you get in it. Grab a pile of pillows, wedge them where you need to, and look on the bright side: Pregnancy insomnia is great training for those sleepless nights to come!

32 weeks and the heat wave

2010-05-24T15:16:00.000-05:00

Today Hayleigh and I have made it 32 wks. I have finally had to start propping my belly up with a pillow when I sleep now, and take off my wedding rings due to the nice 91 degree weather. UGGHHH! I have both of our air conditioners running full tilt, so the house high temperature reaching maybe 67 through the day. Even though it is only 67 high through the day in the house, it now has been feeling like it is 75-80 degrees to me. I had a great weekend this last weekend. Allen and I got to spend soo much time together. A friend of mine and I got to get one of the baby shower favors completed. The nursery is set up for now, but, still not finished completely. And I am relaxed and mellow. I cannot believe how relaxed I have been. I really think that getting the nursery together has helped with this tremendously. I really cannot wait until we get the final touches in that room, and it is of course, by far, my FAVORITE room in the house! It is soo peaceful in there, which is exactly what I wanted instead of using bold colors.

I just cannot believe how fast this is all going! I'm afraid if I blink, she will already be here!
Now, enough of all of this, Hayleigh's developments for the week:

Week 32 of Pregnancy

Your baby is practicing survival skills like sucking and breathing, while your uterus is practicing some Braxton Hicks contractions.

Your Baby in Week 32 of Pregnancy
What's up with your baby? She's starting to get ready for her big debut, tipping the scales at almost four pounds and topping out at just about 19 inches. In these past few weeks, it's all about practice, practice, practice as she hones the skills she'll need to thrive outside the womb — from swallowing and breathing to kicking and sucking. And speaking of sucking, your little one has been able to suck her thumb for a while now. Something else to note: As more and more fat accumulates under your baby's skin, she's becoming less transparent and more opaque.

Setting up the Nursery- a day I will never forget

2010-05-22T22:00:00.000-05:00

Allen's grandparents helping him load the furniture onto the trailer at Babies'R'Us

Almost ready to go!

Yesterday, we made the trip with Allen's grandparents to pick up our crib and dresser/changing table set from Babies'R'Us in Terre Haute. Let me just say, this was a little sobering in some ways. I guess finally getting the nursery furniture picked up, kind of just finally made things really set in for us. The crib came un assembled, and the dresser/changing table came assembled. We made it home after battling the rain all day, and Allen had our neighbor help him carry in the furniture. I feel soo helpless sometimes, not being able to help out in hardly anyway- without someone getting after me about doing too much. The furniture went into the house without a hitch, and after we got it in, Allen and I just decided to rest and wait until the morning to set it all up. This morning, was kind of like Christmas morning for a little kid for us. Allen and I were both up early, ready to set up the baby room. Allen got the crib assembled, while I handed him what ever he needed. It only took about an hour to get the furniture set up, but the one thing I thought would go up easy, proved to test my patience. I had ordered a decal from thoughtsthatcount.com a month or two ago. Allen ended up having to put it up for me, and had to modify how it was to be put up. It took him over an hour to get it up right. Putting it up on the wall turned out to be more work than what the company had promised. But, the decal looks great, now that it is on the wall. I do have to say that Allen has great taste! I am glad he picked out the set- I don't think I could ever love another set of baby furniture more!

Inside the crib- the few stuffed animals that will reside there until Hayleigh comes home! I also have the baby quilt and pillow that I had quilted and pieced by hand over 6 years ago in there, along with the womb sounds bear.

A view of the whole crib

Inside of Hayleigh's closet- just some of her clothes- good thing the dresser is huge!

The changing table/dresser combo without changing pad for now, with decal above it

This evening, I had one of my dear friends that is currently battling infertility, just like I had, over to help out with baby shower favors. I'll have to wait to post what we made until after the baby shower, since another person in my family is having their shower the same day as mine, and took the idea of please bring your favorite childhood classic book instead of a card line from me. We had a great time, despite my house looking like it had been hit by a tornado. I just wish that our other friend that is in the same boat as we are, could have made it, but, things pop up, and there are just no ways around some things.

Overall, today, was a day I will never forget.... Allen and I standing there together in the baby room, looking at the furniture and everything coming together before our eyes. I know I about cried, I don't know if he did, but, we both just gazed in astonishment of how far we have come over the years to this moment.

31wks

2010-05-19T18:38:00.000-05:00

Monday, Hayleigh and I reached 31 wks. Things have been pretty busy around here, but quite at the same time. Hayleigh stomps her feet all over my belly and flops around nonstop, even as I write this. The weeks seem to be flying right along.. soon I will be taking my leave from my work, and trying to keep up around the house as we wait for the big arrival of our little ham. So far this pregnancy has been by the book- with the exception of a few of the side effects- I am really grateful for not having to experience. I am really happy how helpful a lot of people have been lately, but, I am still disappointed by a few. I guess that you always wish that the friends that you have lost from dealing with infertility would just deal with their problems with others having to experience infertility and be there for me for just one day. I guess it was wishful thinking on my part. But, things are just fine with or without them. We are picking up the crib and dresser for Hayleigh's nursery this weekend. I think that both Allen and I are really excited about this, kind of making this more real for us. Other than that news, there is not much of anything else really going on.

Hayliegh's developments for the week:

As your baby's senses increase, his mommy's breathing room decreases.

Your Baby in Week 31 of Pregnancy
Weighing in at three-plus pounds and measuring 18 inches long, your baby is quickly approaching her birth length — though she's got to pack on another three to five pounds before D-day. Also developing at an impressive clip: your baby's brain connections (she's got to make trillions of them!). She's now processing information, tracking light, and perceiving signals from all five senses. She's also putting in longer stretches of sleep, which is why you're probably noticing more defined patterns of wakefulness (and movement) and rest (when she’s pretty still).

30wks with 3D and 4D pics!

2010-05-15T18:46:00.017-05:00

Allen's favorite pic of Hayleigh- she has her hand on her chin

sucking her thumb

has her arm up next to her face

sticking her tongue out

She had had enough put her hand up in front of her face- look at that chubby little arm with that little hand!

Her girl parts- her legs and butt are the white U and the girl parts are inside of the U

So this last week was quite a week.. glucose screening was a day from hell. I did not get to leave the clinic until after 1:30pm, and after being up since 1am, and not eating since 10:30pm the night before, I was wiped out. The week went on pretty fast. We had our 4D ultrasound on Friday morning first thing. My dad, and his wife came with us. We had to register in the maternity wing before the ultrasound, and had to walk past the nursery on the way to radiology. That was a real ohhh my gosh moment. There were a couple of babies in the nursery, as I pointed it out to Allen. I think that the look on his face mirrored mine as well. The ultrasound was great! We have quite an active little girl... well, little may be understated. The tech guessed her at 4lbs. I thought she would only be a little over 3lbs right now. He also said I looked closer to 31wks going on 32wks, instead of 30wks going on 31wks. But, we know that it cannot be any closer than being conceived from October 26th.. that is the day we went in for IUI.

We got to catch Hayleigh sucking her thumb, yawning, and wailing her limbs around. We did have the tech confirm that Hayleigh is indeed a girl, and got some 3D pics to go with the 4D as well. I just couldn't believe how we could see what she looks like, or get over how not soo skinny she was... our little HAM... at least her initials will match her quite well. Anyway, I have had a blog post in the works all week, and I am just going to keep it short today.

Hayleigh's Developments for the week:
Week 30 of Pregnancy

Your baby's brain is getting smarter by the minute, but for Mom, the only thing that smarts right now may be heartburn pain.

Your Baby in Week 30 of Pregnancy

Your belly’s increasing size is a definite clue that your baby is getting bigger every day, weighing in at over three pounds now (he’ll be packing on the weight at a rate of half a pound per week for the next seven weeks). Also growing daily is his brain, which is actually starting to look like the real thing with those characteristic grooves and wrinkles. And now that your little genius can regulate his own body temperature and turn up the heat, he'll start shedding lanugo, the downy body hair that's been keeping him warm up until now.

Blahh Day

2010-05-11T15:00:00.000-05:00

I had a whole post ready for today... today just has not went well at all, so, I'll let this song say it for me.

Happy Mother's Day and Weekend Recap.. growing up for the 20th time yet again

2010-05-10T12:31:00.004-05:00

Me, Allen, & my Grandma Travous at my dad's house yesterday

me 7 months pregnant.. swelled up!

First off I just want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, grandmas, moms to be, and also to the women who only have their dogs or cats as children- hey, I am still kind of one of those people with just dogs as children for still a short time! Also, the people undergoing fertility treatment right now are in my prayers! Last year I was among the many in that boat.. look at how much of a difference a year can make!

Anyway, I wanted to do a weekend recap, since the blog for tomorrow would have been long enough without all of this added into it. I had a great weekend! I think it is soo funny how things in life that used to be important, are no longer important anymore. I came to this realization this weekend, in the middle of our trip to Terre Haute on Saturday. Some of the things that I was soo sure of, now, I am not sure of anymore, and the things that I was not sure of, or bothered me, don't bother me at all now, and I have finally gotten to where I can really see what is going on. Things have definitely come around in the last week and a half, and some things have definitely fell apart at the same time.

Tomorrow, I have to turn in my birth plan already. I was soo sure on who was to be in the room with me a few weeks ago, and what would go on.. now, I have completely changed to where I just want it to be Allen and I in the room when Hayleigh is born. I was wanting my mom to be there, but, from the way she has been acting since the past few weeks, I have definitely changed my mind on that. I came to this conclusion Saturday with Allen on our way back from Terre Haute. The delivery room should be quite and calm, my mother is neither one of these right now, and I am sure that it would stress me out to no end if she went in that room with us. Things seem like the people I struggled with to have patience for, I suddenly have all of the patience in the world for now, and the few people that I was not having problems with- or rather, I did not see the problems at the time, have grown like someone poured miracle grow on them. I do not know if I have just reached the point that I do not care about certain things anymore, or what has happened... hormones I am sure! The funny thing is I feel like I have grown up over 20 times over the course of this pregnancy now, and it seems like I just take another big step every now and then out of the blue. Was blind, and now I see... describes it completely. I guess I had just been seeing what I wanted to see, and ignored a lot of problems, and then made up for it with the things that were not soo much of a nuisance. One thing is for sure... I have definitely mellowed out, and done a complete 360 from what I started out with the beginning of this pregnancy, to say the least, I really like not being all wired and worked up all of the time too. I just hope that Hayleigh does not inherit the wire gene from me... we do not need a trade off.

Anyway, back to weekend recap... Friday. Friday was the second day my ankles have swelled up.. my fingers have not swelled up. What I think caused my feet to swell was I did not get to rest after I got home and put my feet up. We ran most of the day. I did get a nap for a few hours with my feet propped up on a pillow, but, that did not help that much. The rest of the weekend, they have swelled mildly, so I am guessing that they will be worse for the rest of this pregnancy. My memory is going to crap too. We were at a cook out on Friday night, my dad sat on one side of me, and Allen sat on the other. I got up to refill Allen's glass and get mine refilled as well. When I left the table, I had a piece of ham left on it, I came back, it was gone. So, I naturally asked Allen if he took it. He replied no, I looked at my plate, and thought I was losing my mind.. then, Dad started laughing, and admitted to taking my ham.

Saturday, Allen and I packed up and went to Terre Haute, for Allen to get a practice round of sporting clays in and then go past Babies'R'Us to check on the crib. The weather was horrible, windy and cold. We finally made it to Babies'R'Us, and found out we would have to special order both the crib, and the dresser/changing table combo. So, we got that squared away, and got 20% off with the sale they were running on furniture for the month. We also got an extra 10% off due to me opening my mouth and asking about a coupon I had for completion of our baby registry. I was soo happy I asked. So, with all of the discounts, we ended up saving just shy of $300.00 and Hayleigh will have somewhere to sleep in 2 weeks when we get to go and pick up the furniture when it comes in. Talk about a large amount of worry off of me now! We had to hurry home then that afternoon, to help Allen's grandma and grandpa go and pickup a lawn mower at Vincennes Lowes. So, we got them picked up and headed to Lowes, got the lawn mower in the trailer loaded up, went out and ate, and then hurried home. We ended up leaving the trailer hooked up with the lawn mower on it, and was bringing Allen's grandpa's mower back the next morning, since Allen had used it, while his grandpa worked on our lawn mower. We thought we kind of knew what was going on, but, wasn't quite sure.We ended up making it home, and watching the end of the Nascar Sprint Cup race, then going to bed. Poor Allen spent most of the nights here in his recliner. He had chest congestion from his allergies, and just couldn't sleep that well all night.

Sunday... we... well, Allen, got all of our yard mowed, striped, weed wacked... just everything done! We took his grandpa's mower to town and washed it at the car was, brought it home, and waxed it up. I finally got all of our bushes around the yard trimmed. The weather was nice and it felt sooo good to be contributing to the yard work, but, my ankles paid for it. They stayed swelled for the rest of the day, no matter how much I propped them up. We took Allen's grandpa's mower back over to their house, remind you that the new one was still at our house. Both of the grandparents asked why we brought the new one back... it was then we told them it was the other mower, and they told Allen Happy Early Father's Day! I just want to say THANK YOU BOTH SOO MUCH! Now, Allen really enjoys helping with the yard, he loves that new mower! Hopefully it stays this way on him loving to mow now, so, after Hayleigh gets here, I will not have to do all of it by myself. I really do not think that either Allen or I really knew just how much I did around the house pre pregnancy. I know what all I used to do, but, Allen and I can barely keep up with what I did last year. I guess you don't fully appreciate what has been done, until you try to repeat it. Allen bragged on getting the whole yard done in one day... I looked at him and told him Thank You, but, you know I used to do this 3 times a week, not just the once a week like we had been trying to do. Makes me tired just thinking about it! Anyway, we ended up going out with his grandparents for Mother's Day lunch, then, home for yard work, and off to my Dad's house for a fish fry for my uncle's 50th birthday and to celebrate Mother's Day. We had a great time, despite being worn out. After we got back from the party, Allen had to leave, so I got him loaded up with all of his usual stuff he takes with him, he left, and I went home. I always hate going home by myself, but, I guess the by myself part will be no more in 10 wks or less hopefully!

I guess this Mother's Day, I have found what I am the most grateful for in life. People who care for you, no matter what is in it for them. That is something in life that is very hard to come by. I am just glad that I am surrounded by people like that!

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to Everyone who is or is not a mommy! I just hope that the ones still trying to get there, do soon! It can happen when you least expect it to!

This is for the Mothers or Moms to be out there.. I heard this yesterday, and about lost it- at least I had on waterproof mascara!

Mother's Day.. what it used to be for me, and Still is for many others...

2010-05-10T12:07:00.000-05:00

I got a link from a post one of my fellow infertility sisters had posted yesterday. I just now got to where I could finally read it all. This all hits home to me really well. I may not have ever made it to 17 wks like the author did with the 2 babies I had lost, but, I could not imagine losing Hayleigh at 17 wks after all we had been through just to get her. I think there is something for everyone in this article. I am just happy for once not to be bitter about Mother's Day, but, at least I have found that I was not alone.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/serene-jones/worst-expectations-mother_b_568033.html

Worst Expectations: Motherhood Lost
Serene Jones
This Sunday morning, my daughter will make her annual bedside delivery of a "For Mom" greeting card. What fun to guess what sort of handwritten promises she might include: an always-clean bedroom, perhaps, or 365 kisses? Whatever she says or does, I know I'll give her a big hug, and get misty-eyed.
Fifteen years ago, however, my tears were bitter. In fact, I woke up on Mother's Day of 1995 and couldn't get out of bed. I hated the thought of motherhood. In fact, I probably hated all mothers.
My wretched state back then had nothing to do with my own mother. Rather, it was caused by a feeling of personal failure, and a sense that my own body had betrayed me. Only four days earlier I had miscarried a much-wanted, seventeen-week pregnancy. Just as I'd begun to grasp and even revel in the reality of new life, this thrilling possibility ended. Suddenly, I wasn't "expecting" anymore. The grief felt unbearable.
What I didn't know then was how vast a sisterhood I was joining. According to The American Society for Reproductive Medicine, 25 percent of U.S. women will experience a miscarriage during their childbearing years, and one in 80 pregnancies ends in a stillbirth. (These statistics do not include abortions.) In addition, an estimated 6.1 million American women are presently experiencing some form of infertility. It's my guess, however, that very few churches, synagogues, mosques or other places of worship will mention these sobering facts as they celebrate Mother's Day. And, due to this silence, many women will grieve alone, feeling uninvited to the party.
Don't get me wrong. It's good that our society takes a day to honor mothers. I truly believe there's no more difficult or demanding a job than the work of day-to-day parenting, yet no form of employment is so taken for granted. Go ahead and cheer dear old Mom, loud and long! But, in the midst of the ballyhoo, take some time, too, to remember your cousin in Houston whose fertility treatments are failing, your next-door neighbor who had a stillbirth three years ago, or your grandmother who lost a child but could never bring herself to tell anyone about it. For all these women, their hoped-for child comes regularly to mind, and each one will cry on May 9th in a way that surprises her.
Because loss-of-motherhood is a suffering like no other. By the time I miscarried, I'd had my fair share of disappointment. There were failed relationships, the death of one dear friend to AIDS, another to a car accident, and a few of my cherished life goals had already slipped from my grasp. But none of this pain prepared me for the feeling of utter helplessness that came about when my pregnancy ended.
In those seventeen weeks, I envisioned my baby's hair color, her first day at school, his college graduation, her middle-aged years, and even his presence at my funeral. Being pregnant overwhelmed my imagination with a wide, mysterious future stretching out ahead. Then, without warning, that future disappeared. I was a puddle of lost hopes.
Imagine Mother's Day for someone in this state. Every beatifically smiling mother's face made me feel sour. And jealous. Why should she get a child and not me? All those cheery reminders ("Don't Forget Mom!") In the newspaper, or on posters in the supermarket and drugstore, made me want to grow claws and draw blood. I was ashamed of these feelings, but I couldn't help myself.
In the end, the only thing that gradually eased my pain was hearing the stories of other women who were bereaved. In that first month after my miscarriage, a trickle of information gradually turned into a stream. Soon enough, almost every woman I talked to whispered to me her own version of my story.
As I returned to my theological studies, I also began to see how the pain of lost motherhood is experienced by various faith traditions. In Judaism, Rachel weeps for the lost children; they are no more. In Christianity, depictions of Mary cradling the body of her dead son are more prevalent than those of her peering into the manger. Buddhists speak of the pained empty vessel of maternal loss; Native American religions have a barren mother at the center of their most precious rituals. The list goes on. By these sacred images, we're reminded that the strength of a community rests as much in its capacity to grieve as it does in its capacity to celebrate.

So, this Mother's Day, I am sure I'll weep a little bit as my daughter hands me her card. In the midst of this joy, though, there will be tears of compassion, too, for women all across America who are mourning. To them, let's remember to say, "You are not alone." We honor you, too.

Serene Jones is the author of Trauma and Grace: Theology in a Ruptured World, which explores the relationship between grace, redemption, and the trauma of reproductive loss.

Mother's Day for Mom to Be... is this really happening to me now?

2010-05-06T19:42:00.003-05:00

Today has made me kind of numb in a way. I have just been sitting back and enjoying the last leg of this trip, mainly enjoying going to the mailbox anymore really. Everyday, there is a new dress, or shoes for Hayleigh in the mail. I really do love waddling down to the mailbox each day to see what else has finally come. The numb feeling came to me today, I got another dress in the mail, red trimmed with sail boats all over it.. gymboree of course. I sat there looking at the dress, just thinking how soon it will be and Hayleigh will be wearing this. Then, Mother's Day is Saturday. I can celebrate this year without just having dogs as my children. Everything is just surreal lately. We stopped past my dad's house this evening to pick up a package for me to take in to work with me. Dad's wife, Mary, had a card waiting for me. It was a Happy Mother's Day card for Mom-to-Be. It was sooo sweet! We also sat and talked about how soon it will be and Hayleigh will be here, going on about how small the dress was, and what we were anxious about. I am still trying to get used to the idea of having something besides my purse to pack around from here on out in a short amount of time. I just really am still in denial about being where we are right now. I was talking about this to Heather, a lady I work with, this morning. She just went on about how much I had popped out in the last week, since Hayleigh has switched to being more vertical, instead of horizontal in my belly. She then went on about how fast this has all went. I only have 6 more weeks at work, and 8 more weeks until my due date. I was going on about how bittersweet this all was. I had been looking forward to being pregnant soo much, it is really going by faster than I would like for it to. It is not that I am not wanting to have a newborn yet, I really cannot wait until she gets here, but, I had spent soo much time wanting just to be pregnant, and it is almost over already. I was just getting used to being in the first trimester, and now, I am already in the third. I am going to the doctor every two weeks, which really makes me anxious, and I am already having to plan around the big "D" day.

Wordless Wednesday... And they're off!

2010-05-05T15:51:00.000-05:00

The baby shower invites that is! I got the rest of them picked up today, stamped, and sent out! I am soo happy with how the new ones turned out that Printforce did for me. I paid $24.00 for 55 invites from them, and paid $50.00 for 20 from Storkie.com... you tell me which one you would rather deal with. Anyway, the invites are officially out, we have everything ready, been ready for the last 2 months on booking the parish center, the invites, cake, and decorations... now just to wait and finish favors with two of my friends in 2 weeks, and then waddle waddle waddle around for the last 6 weeks, until Hayles gets here.

29wks, 11 wks, 77 days...Ummm where did the time go?

2010-05-03T15:15:00.002-05:00

29wks is how far along I am with Ms. Hayleigh today, 9wks or 77 days is the time we have left until my due date. Can I just say that I am officially freaked out now? Things are coming right along, Hayleigh has been moving non-stop for the last week or so now, and I do mean NON-STOP. Allen finally understands why I whimper and whine in my sleep now. Allen got in on Thursday evening, and was home for the whole weekend. Friday evening, we got ready for bed, and Allen did his usual feeling around my belly to feel Hayleigh move. Every time he does this, she moves a little for him, not near as much as she usually does for me everyday. But, for once, she decided to show off for him. She was practically doing somersaults, and kicks all over. You could literally see her moving across my belly like the shark from Jaws, complete with the theme music.

I cannot believe how fast this has all gone! We are already in the home stretch, I am going to see Sandy every 2 wks now, and this little girl has definitely been growing. I think that when Hayleigh finally does get here, I am really going to miss feeling all of these kicks and moves. Funny how I have waited soo long to be where I am now, I am kind of sad to be moving past it, but, excited at the same time.

Glucose Screening Update:
I got the call on Friday that I failed my glucose screening by 4 points. GRRHHHH! I knew this was a real possibility, with PCOS, so, on my next appointment, I will have to redo the whole test again. Sandy was not too concerned, she thinks I will pass the next, since I hit 144, and they want 140, with it being soo close to the cut off. Sandy said she did not believe that I have gestational diabetes, since I have not been gaining a bunch of weight, so, that made me feel a whole lot better.

My next appointment is next Tuesday, May 11th, so, I will be going in as soon as the lab opens to get this all done as soon as possible, since I have to stay at the clinic for 3 hours. I might as well kill two birds with one stone, and get my prenatal checkup done along with the screening once again. Next week is just going to be filled with Doctor appointments.. we also get to go into the hospital on Friday morning at 8am for our 4-D ultrasound too. I have a few demands on my list, like a side profile pic and a gender pic in 3-D while we are there, since the lady at the clinic did not give us one. We are planning on just taking my dad, and his wife along for this ultrasound, since my mom, and Allen's grandparents got to go to the last, and this room will be crowded too. We should be getting a cd to play back for everyone, so, it would be much easier in the long run. Allen is also competing in a shoot at Sparta later on that day, so, we will have to leave for Nashville- that is where we are staying, as soon as we are done at the hospital.

I am soo happy that my dad has really been getting excited about this pregnancy and becoming a grandpa too. I always thought he would just kind of be there. The only things he gets really excited about are guns and hunting, which, I feel the same about on a certain level too.. apple didn't fall far from the tree. Anyway, I am just surprised by the support we have received from some people, and the lack of support from the ones who we thought would be along every step of this ride. I just hope that everything goes smooth when Hayleigh does get here, and everyone can keep in mind this all about her, and not about them, and their past relationships. After all, we have only waited for Hayleigh for the last 6 years now, and really, truthfully, our whole lives. I guess the choice is up to them on how much they really want to be there for Hayleigh, and forget about the past. We will be quite busy I am sure after Hayleigh gets here, we have family driving in from California, that will be staying with us for a few weeks, and I am sure there will be people visiting the first few weeks too, so, I just hope that this goes as smooth as possible for not only our sake, but, Hayleighs too. If you cannot tell, I am not at all worried about labor pains, or anything like that... it is people that I worry about. Only time will tell how this will all go... the time will be here shortly too!

Hayleigh's developments for the week:

Your baby is almost 17 inches tall now, nearly as tall as he or she will be at birth. But that three-pound weight will likely more than double — and may even come close to tripling — by delivery time.

At 29 weeks pregnant, your baby is almost 17 inches tall now (nearly as tall as he or she will be at birth), and close to three pounds (a weight that will likely more than double — and may even come close to tripling — by delivery time). His or her wrinkled skin is smoothing out as more fat is deposited under the skin surface. This fat, called white fat, is different from the earlier brown fat that your developing fetus accumulated. Brown fat is necessary for body temperature regulation while white fat (the fat you have, Mom) actually serves as an energy source.

Which explains why your energizer baby feels so…well…energized! Space in your baby's living quarters is now at a premium, so you'll be feeling jabs and pokes from elbows and knees mostly. But those kicks will be more vigorous than before (and also less erratic) because your baby is stronger and excitedly responding to all sorts of stimuli — movement, sounds, light, and that candy bar you ate half an hour ago.

Luckily, your baby doesn't have teeth yet that would need a brushing after that sugary treat, but it won't be long before you'll need to buy that first baby toothbrush! You'll recall that your baby's baby-teeth buds formed weeks ago, but now the buds for permanent teeth are forming in his or her gums as well.

And back to those kicks, who's counting? Actually, you should be. Now's a good time to start doing a kick count twice a day to make sure baby's doing just fine (plus, it's a good excuse for a rest). Lie down (preferably after a snack) and keep track of your baby's movements. You're looking for at least ten movements in an hour's time (don't forget to count movements of any kind — kicks, flutters, swishes, rolls, and so on).

What IF? National Infertility Awarness Week April 24- May 1st

2010-05-02T16:56:00.002-05:00

Okay, I got inspired from a fellow blogger to keep the chain of project What IF going, to promote awareness of infertility and show my support at the same time. I just cannot say just how much I am grateful to have had to battle infertility in my life, along with my husband's support. Some of the worst things in life, can bring out the best things in life at the same time. So, now for my what ifs..

What if we had not had to go through infertility?

We would have never have known who our real friends in this crazy world are, and we wouldn't have gained so many more better friends.

We wouldn't be as close of a couple, or have as strong as a marriage as we presently do.

We would have a 6 year old running around the house now, with who knows how many other kids.

I wouldn't be as grateful for my family- I am soo happy to be a mom to be, and just imagining our family in the coming few months makes me cry. I don't think I would have enjoyed being pregnant quite as much as I have now.

We probably wouldn't both be where we wanted to be in life. I love my job, and Allen does his as well.

We wouldn't have gotten the chance to see the country like we did. Allen and I have traveled through sooo many more places than we would have if we had a family back in 05'.

We would not know of the support we would get from our family and friends for our upcoming family.

MOST OF ALL, WE WOULD NEVER GET THE JOY OF ANTICIPATING THE ARRIVAL OF HAYLEIGH. WE NEVER WOULD GET TO EXPERIENCE HAYLEIGH BLESSING OUR LIVES, AND EVENTUALLY BRINGING HER INTO THIS WORLD. IF EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT, THERE WOULD BE NO HAYLEIGH....

There are probably is a list of other things I have forgotten, but, I am grateful to have shared this journey with soo many people out there. This is a bond, that will never be broken. Infertility no matter how bad it has been, has made me feel more special, or rather that our baby to be will be even more special.

28 wks check up and Glucose Screening

2010-04-27T17:02:00.000-05:00

Today, I had the wonderful privilege of getting my glucose screening done at my 28 wk check up. I got the lucky draw of getting the nasty fruit punch version of it instead of the orange, like I had been hoping for. The drink was not too bad at first, but, kept getting stronger and stronger, so, I chugged it down when I got about half way done with it. I then got to go down and wait and have my regular check up.

I weighed in~ gained 1 lb, so I am now up to 13lbs total for this pregnancy, which Sandy and the nurse were very impressed with- no more getting grouched at! I am right on track with Hayleigh, which is great. She is a very feisty little thing! She had been moving around quite a bit before the appointment, and as the hour after I drank that fruit punch from hell drink, she got even more rambunctious. Sandy had to follow her back and forth across my tummy to get her heartbeat. That Girl just didn't want to hold still! I had Sandy set me up a 4-D ultrasound order, scheduled for May 14th at 8am- Allen and I are both off, so this will be nice! Other than that, Sandy went over how to time contractions, preterm labor, and all of that good stuff, and said she would see me back every two weeks now... I kind of sat there shocked we were to this point already! So, my next appointment is May 11th at 9:30.

So, then, I finally got to go back up to the lab, and get my blood drawn. I don't know about most people, but, I usually favor one arm when blood is to be drawn from me, which is my right arm.. this time I told the tech to just go ahead with my left arm. I am hoping this does not throw off my lucky streak with my right arm. I know it has nothing to do with anything remotely of making my test come back fine, but, I am just funny like that I guess.

Everything looked and went fine today, I guess they will be calling me before my next appointment if I did fail my glucose screening test. Hopefully that does not happen, but, we will see! I ended up leaving that whole appointment today kind of freaked out, and with a packet of papers to look over. One thing is for sure, Hayleigh will be here soon!

28 weeks, Final Stretch

2010-04-26T21:50:00.000-05:00

Today we finally closed the books on the Second Trimester, and moved on up to the Third and final lap. This has been a pretty good pregnancy so far, and I am hoping that we can finish this all out this way too. This weekend was a pretty interesting one. We had such a great weekend, with a few not soo good things that went along with it. I ended up leaving work early on Friday morning, after getting sick from indigestion. I thought it was just something I ate earlier, but, I would be proven wrong later. Allen didn't get in until Saturday morning early, so, we ended up running a few errands, and then going home to relax for the afternoon. It was soo great to get home, and get some stuff done around the house, then relaxing downstairs in the family room, taking a nice nap while it rained. We finally decided to get up and fix supper, I had bought some strawberries and angel food cake for us to have for desert, so, I started fixing up the strawberries, and Allen started preparing the ribeyes for the grill. Well, somewhere in this, I was cutting strawberries, and Allen needed where I was standing to get in the drawer to get a steak knife for the steaks. Somehow, I didn't stand far enough away, and Allen fumbled the knife, and it ended up stuck in my big left toe! Needless to say, I didn't move, Allen had to pull the knife out of my toe, then it was a whirlwind of trying to get a towel to wrap my toe in, and get band aides. Three band aides later, and Allen looking like he was about to have a melt down, we got my toe to stop bleeding and got everything under control. Poor Allen just felt soo bad about dropping the knife, I told him it was okay, I was alive, and Hayleigh was alright. We were both okay. Supper did end up being really good, despite the accident in the kitchen, and we spent the rest of the night relaxing down in the family room, watching movies.

Sunday was spent sleeping in to the rain, and then taking a trip to Terre Haute, IN for a sporting clays shoot for Allen to compete in. We had a really great time, Allen placed first in his class, and the weather held up long enough for Allen to shoot. We were planning on going past Babies R Us after we had supper, but, after having such a filling meal, and with it being evening already, we decided to head back, and go back in the next few weeks to get our crib set ordered, and finalize our registry. The trip back home was rainy, I didn't even take a nap, even though I was completely worn out. We finally got back home after 8pm, and started rounding stuff up and getting everything ready to start the work week once again. I wish I could say that was everything that went on for Sunday, but, it wasn't. I ended up getting sick from indigestion once again. Tums and rolaids have not helped any once again, and my appetite has diminished once again. To top everything off, I have my glucose screening tomorrow morning. I have been dreading this day for a long time now. Since I have PCOS, I am higher risk for gestational diabetes. The one thing that has eased my mind is my weight gain so far. I have been keeping it all under control, without really trying to watch what I eat. So, with all that has went on, I was fairly happy when I read my 28 wk update this morning. According to it, if I stay on track, I should only gain around 11 more pounds. Now, I am not obsessing over the weight gain, I have just been trying to keep it all under control. If I can come in, gaining around only 11 more pounds, I will be under my goal of 30 pounds. So, we will see how this all plays out.

So, drum roll please... Hayleigh at 28 weeks this week.
How your baby's growing:

By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

How your life's changing:

Quick Clicks

Third trimester prenatal visits

Inside pregnancy: Weeks 28 to 37

Carpal tunnel syndrome during pregnancy

Gas during pregnancy

Childbirth classes

You're in the home stretch! The third and final trimester starts this week. If you're like most women, you'll gain about 11 pounds this trimester.

At this point, you'll likely visit your doctor or midwife every two weeks. Then, at 36 weeks, you'll switch to weekly visits. Depending on your risk factors, your practitioner may recommend repeating blood tests for HIV and syphilis now, as well as doing cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, to be certain of your status before delivery. Also, if your glucose screening test result was high and you haven't yet had follow-up testing, you'll soon be given the 3-hour glucose tolerance test. And if the blood work done at your first prenatal visit showed that you're Rh negative, you'll get an injection of Rh immunoglobulin to prevent your body from developing antibodies that could attack your baby's blood. (If your baby is Rh positive, you'll receive another shot of Rh immunoglobulin after you give birth.)

Around this time, some women feel an unpleasant "creepy-crawly" sensation in their lower legs and an irresistible urge to move them while trying to relax or sleep. If this sensation is at least temporarily relieved when you move, you may have what's known as restless legs syndrome (RLS). No one knows for sure what causes RLS, but it's relatively common among expectant mothers. Try stretching or massaging your legs, and cut down on caffeine, which can make the symptoms worse. Ask your caregiver if you should try iron supplements, which can sometimes relieve RLS.

The Nursery Part I

2010-04-24T18:01:00.000-05:00

This is one of the first purchases for Hayleigh's nursery room.. thought it fit us quite well. I ordered it in white lettering from http://www.thoughtsthatstick.com/ It was not at all expensive either- which surprised me, with it measuring 22"x22"

Wordless Wednesday... ODE TO MY MOWER!

2010-04-21T16:19:00.000-05:00

ODE TO MY MOWER...
Now this is the factory picture of my mower... my real one is put up for now, thanks to Allen. It is funny that you realize just how much you really do love something until you cannot use it! I love my John Deere push mower. It has caster wheels on the front, so you do not have to pick up the front of it to turn, and it mulches, bags, and will through the grass out if desired. I have mine set on mulch, and set to about as high as it will go, to choke out the weeds, and promote healthy grass. Ohh how I love to mow.. my yard that is. Funny how Allen is thinking of putting down new grass this fall. Anything to make Mama happy I guess. My theory is if you don't stripe your yard, you are not making it smile back at you, and do not really REALLY love to mow your yard.. as you can see below, I do! A little OCD about it, but, it looks great to me!

To the Special People out there watching over me.....

2010-04-20T08:18:00.000-05:00

I really want to send out a very special thank you to my friends and family out there.. especially my Mother-N-Law out in California. I had been really stressing out about trying to get everything done from planning the baby shower, that is now a little over a month away, to getting the nursery set up and ready. The nursery still has plenty of time to be finished, but, the shower is drawing closer and closer everyday. A few of my friends who have rode the same roller coaster of battling infertility came to my rescue, even though I haven't had to have them do much of anything yet, and my Mother-N-Law, Lauren, lifted I cannot tell you just how many bricks off of my load yesterday. The shower is pretty much planned now. There are still a few little things that need finished on it, but, for the most part, it is squared away. I know I can count on those special friends to come to my aide for the rest of the stuff, if I need them too! I cannot express how much better, and happier I am now, knowing there is one less thing to worry about getting done in the month ahead. I just want for everyone to know just how much I appreciate having them in my life right now, sharing this wonderful, experience in my life. No matter how hard this has been, you have all stuck right by my side. A good friend that will be there for you no matter what happens in your life is very hard to come by. And it is just a blessing to find friends like this. I know a few other people will agree with me, that when you go through infertility, you tend to lose some friends, but, the great thing is that you find or still have the few friends that will be there every step of the way for you. I am soo happy I have you all there through thick and thin... You are my life savors! I appreciate all that you do, so does Allen, and Hayleigh too! Thanks for being there for me!
~Ashley~

Check and Check...

2010-04-19T12:57:00.001-05:00

The finished product of my baby shower invite... This is the one thing I wanted the most to be special for my shower

Well, I have 1 thing almost off of my list... the Baby Shower invites. I am sooo exhausted trying to co-plan the baby shower... well, okay, mainly me, since my mom is soo busy working. At least we have the Parish Center booked, so that is at least one less thing to worry about! We haven't even hardly started on the nursery yet, and I am just trying to keep all of these balls I am juggling in the air from falling. I have soo much going on, I think that if I blink, Hayleigh will already be here and be a year old. I did accomplish one thing at least... I have pretty much booked my maternity photo session, and have the photographer on stand by for the newborn pics as well. I am planning on having Jenny from http://www.shutterbugkeepsakes.com/ do the pics, plus she will come to my house too, even right after Hayleigh gets here, so, I do not have to get out running around, trying to get her pics in before she is 3 months old. I am really wanting to try to keep up with the pictures for Hayleigh, even though I haven't soo much for Allen and I. Hayleigh took soo much to get, I don't want to miss having her full first year without having hardly any pictures for her to have later on. Since I am soo overwhelmed lately, I will give you the run down of WHY I am sooo overwhelmed...

1. glucose screening on the 27th- not looking forward to that
2. get the baby shower stuff organized, planned, and ready- you don't even want to see my list for that
3. work, work and work... it has been crazy since we have switched districts again.. new bosses, and new crap to deal with- thank God my last day there is supposed to be July 2nd- if everything goes as planned, with me returning the 3rd week of October.
4. Trying not to miss all that is going on with my growing belly- I want to cherish it all
5. keep the yard looking good.. it's not as great as I keep it, but, I am trying to help Allen out with it, without him getting upset about what I am doing- so I am limited to mowing the very back yard with the rider and maybe the fenced in part of our back yard with the rider.
6. keep up on the dishes and laundry, and try to get my house organized- that is the biggest one right there!
7. spend enough time with Missy and Toby- I love them both sooo much, I really do not want them to feel like they are just pushed aside.
8. get the nursery done!!!!!!! - Need I say anymore on that one?
9. Try to relax, and sleep! I am soo busy anymore, that sleep is my one luxury right now.
10. prepare myself for this whole labor and delivery bit...we are not taking any "he he ha ha" classes- my dad's words right there. We still have to take a tour of the hospital maternity wing, and get preregistered.
11. prepare my insurance through my work for after Hayleigh gets here.
12. Take care of my friends and family- I hate having to limit what I do with everyone, I have friends going through infertility treatments, and family just trying to relax and enjoy the time before Hayleigh gets here, that my time has been very limited to do with this.
13. Support my husband, and his sporting clays shoots. We spend at least one day out of the weekend for him to shoot sporting clays- I realize I can be getting stuff done around the house while he is off doing this, but, we do not have a whole lot of time to spend together, so most of my stuff just has to wait.
14. Deal with stupid drama caused by stupid people- wish I could bean people with a wiffle ball bat with beads in it
15.. anything else I forgot, which my memory is pretty much shot right now anyway
16. Try to laugh about anything that goes wrong

27 weeks... rounding the corner of the last of the Second Trimester

2010-04-19T07:29:00.000-05:00

Today, Hayleigh and I have made it to 27 weeks! I am soo happy we have made it this far! I will say that this keeps getting harder and harder, the further along we get into this adventure, but, really worth it all! I think Allen and I are learning how to multitask more and more each day, deciding what is really important for our growing family, and what can just wait. We have soo much going on right now, that some things are just being pushed aside. We have less time it seems like anymore to just sit and relax, and our weekends seem to always get booked up by Wednesday anymore. Time sure is flying by soo fast, I just wish we could touch the ground just a little bit more than we have been. Taking care of everyone else lately has been exhausting, since we don't have that much time to ourselves anymore.. I hope that people can understand that we are trying to do the best we can right now. I worry more and more about when Hayleigh comes, who I will or will not let near her. I thought this was kind of silly at first, but, if you had waited for 5 years for this little girl, wouldn't you be a little bit more protective of her too? I like that right now, she is in my belly, and no one can touch my belly without me authorizing it first. When she finally does get here, I worry about people dropping her, and just not listening to me period, about who I do not want around.... there is more to that right there. I guess that I just worry and know that I cannot protect her from all of the wrong in this world. I know I will make sure that she understands wrong from right, and understands that certain things are just not okay in this world, or in society. Deep down I know everything will be alright.. she will have a very loving family to say the least.
Anyway, on a good note, she has been kicking all of the time now.. non-stop.. really good sign of a healthy baby girl! She has been picky lately on who she will kick for... Allen comes home, she won't hardly make one thump when he is near me. Ohh well, I am sure she will be putting on a show pretty soon for everyone. I swear I felt her foot slide across my belly last night already.. so, I am sure we are not too far from the neat shows of limbs poking through my belly.
Well, I guess since I am running out of steam here, here is Hayleigh's progress for the week:

Week 27 of Pregnancy

Your baby moves on to a whole new growth chart this week, while your swollen feet and ankles may need a growth chart of their own!

Your Baby in Week 27 of Pregnancy

For a baby, it's time to trade in the old crown-to-rump measurement for a new head-to-toe standard. So what are your baby’s stats this week (which, coincidentally, is the end of the second trimester)? Fifteen inches — more than a foot long — and triple (or even quadruple) what it was in week 12. Her weight is creeping up the charts as well, coming in at just over two pounds. More big news: Your baby may recognize your voice by now, so feel free to serenade your belly (start learning those lullabies!).

Pregnancy Promo... Uddercovers

2010-04-18T19:14:00.000-05:00

I just got my Pregnancy magazine yesterday, and had to share a promo I found, and actually took advantage of. The website is http://www.uddercovers.com/ They are giving a nursing cover away of your choice.. valued at $32.00, while supplies last. You just use promo code "pregnancy" when you go to check out. Shipping is $9.95 to be paid by paypal or credit card.

Now, given, I have never breast feed in my life, I thought this might be useful, since I am planning on trying to breastfeed in the future. I just thought I would share this with people who might be interested. The one pictured below is the one I have ordered.

Our Maria Udder Cover is marked with our signature Udder Covers™ logo. Contrasting shades of lilac make for a sexy refined pattern.

Made of 100% breathable cotton

Stainless steel d-rings allow a fully adjustable neckline

Machine washable

Rigid neckline bows giving you direct eye contact with baby yet our sizing keeps you completely covered while breastfeeding

Shameless....

2010-04-18T18:35:00.001-05:00

As you can tell, I have been a little bit on edge lately. Things that are going on around our lives right now, are just way out of wack..but, it does no use to say anything about what is going on, when the problems are ignored, so, I will just write about what is driving me nuts lately....

Right now, I really despise people on welfare and wick, or public aide, who do not even need it, or are capable of getting jobs and actually in need of it. Some people really do need it, but, there are thousands out there right now, who do not. I really cannot stand these people who do not want to even try to give their kids a good life, they just want the kid there for the extra money they can get from the government, when there are people out there that still have no children of their own, and would make great parents. It seems like good morals, and good work ethics, are not being taught to the younger people of America anymore.

I also despise the people who make the excuses for the people out there that are up to no good, every little thing they do, is like they have won the Nobel Peace Prize or something... we do something great, it is just like we took out the garbage or mowed the lawn... ohh hoo hummm.. Quit trying to throw a blanket over the problem and act like it isn't there, or just because they are something to you, does not justify what they have done. It is not right. When you keep babying these people, they can never learn to stand on their own two feet and face their problems. The reason why they cannot stand on their own, is because they have never been told something is not okay to do in their life, or feel any shame for something they have done.

I just don't understand how when you try to do the right thing all of your life, and live as good as a life as possible, you are criticized, or it is never good enough. If you lead a path of one bad decision, after another, with no way of making a U turn in life, it is excepted as a good attempt in life. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't... or Nice guys always finish last. What message does this teach our children?? Well, it is okay, "so and so" is just like that. This all teaches them that it is okay to not even try in life. It teaches them that being a jobless, homeless, leach is perfectly acceptable in life. It does not teach them that if you do not do these things in life, you should be ashamed of yourself. All this does is creates a cycle... the future children have no chance of being taught right from wrong, or good morals, humility, and anything even about feeling shame.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sick and tired of trying to live the best life I can possible, helping all that I can, and not even being recognized for it, while the people who don't care what they do in life, using everyone in their wake, can be the hero. It is not my fault they are a dead beat, so, don't knock me for not being like that, calling me "stuck up". I feel like a broken record now, repeating myself over and over, but, this is all a lost cause I am sure... the damage has already been done a long time ago.

Marco Polo with Hayleigh

2010-04-15T09:22:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to get this written down, since it has not made it on my pregnancy calandar, and I really really wanted to be able to remember this someday.

Yesterday was a great day! I got 5 hours UNINTERRUPTED sleep through the afternoon! But, before I finally got to where I would lie down to sleep at noon, I ended up playing with Hayleigh. This has by far been the neatest thing so far! I had been blogging, and on facebook, trying to get the ZZZZZZs to settle in, and I just happened to sit back in my chair at the table in the kitchen, and put my hands on top of my belly. I feel odd just letting them do anything else anymore. Anyway, I no more than put my hands down on my belly, and Hayleigh kicked my hand hard. I wasn't applying any pressure, so, I thought she was really getting active, I would just feel around and see what she was up to. Well, I moved my hands to another spot, a few inches away from the last spot, and just sat them on my belly. KICK! Right under my hand again, and hard too! I kept repeating this all over my belly, and she followed my hand every time! The kicks were hard enough that I could really see my belly moving too! I know these kicks will progress more, and get harder, but, I just thought that this was soo neat, because she was reacting with me, kind of like we were playing Marco Polo or something. I can really feel her moving around a whole lot more everyday, and I think that is what part of my insomnia is to blame for. I just get in bed and settled, and she will start in. I think I am still just in awe that this is happening, and I just sit there with a huge grin on my face, thinking how great this is to actually be experiencing this sensation! I just keep thinking back to last year, and how excited I would be then if I knew what I was doing right now, so, I cannot sleep, just to feel those kicks and hiccups, just for my last year me. I know that doesn't make much sense, but, I know this will all be ending soon, and I just do not want to take it for granted, and enjoy as much of it as possible.

Wordless Wednesday... Where did the ZZZZZZZs go?

2010-04-14T10:56:00.002-05:00

These are my pillows on my bed, where I just cannot get any sleep anymore.. INSOMNIA has set in officially now.. I sleep for maybe an hour at a time, wake up and stare at the clock, before I roll over and try to sleep once again. I cannot wait until I can once again sleep on my back, and actually sleep without moaning and groaning, and whining like a puppy dog, as Allen puts it. The moaning and groaning and whining all started when I first started to actually feel Hayleigh move, and has progressed from there. She is now waking me up with kicks and squirms, and I make noises when she is waking me up, which is now all of the time, except from when I snore now. So, now I guess that Nature's joke is on me now, preparing me for a baby by limiting my sleep, so I will be used to not having much rest when Hayleigh does get here. The Joys of Pregnancy!

My Decision

2010-04-14T10:45:00.003-05:00

After talking and thinking about what to do with my blog, I have come to a decision. I have decided that like I have said before this is my blog. I have made it for me, and for me to gush, vent, or cry about stuff that goes on in my life. I made it for me to make my opinions out loud, this helps me keep from letting stuff pile up on me like a ton of bricks. I have added a disclaimer to the top of the blog, that is new. Like it states, I am not forcing anyone to read or agree with what ever I may write on here. This is all my 2 cents, and if someone does not like what I have to say, they can stop reading my blog. I will never put anyone's real name on here, without their consent, and will not spell out exactly who is involved to protect the people I am writing about and their personal lives on here. I am very happy with my decision to keep the blog like it is, and not have to mark it private or make a separate blog, just to write what I really feel down. Just remember... this is what I think..and I think alone. Now, granted sometimes Allen may or may not agree with me, so just remember if you have a problem with anything that is on my blog, contact me via email or phone, if you have my phone number. Thank you everyone for understanding this, and I hope that the people who do not agree or understand this can just respect that this is my blog. Thanks for reading!

Painting the Truth..

2010-04-13T20:30:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer: Okay, I have been working on this blog post for a few days now, trying to think of what I want to do with my blog... Between working overtime this week at work, to sleep insomnia, and the non-stop kicking and moving of this little girl, I have been completely exhausted. So, if this sounds like I was not in the best mood when I wrote this, it is coming from 8 hrs of good sleep since Saturday for me, along with trying to get all of my other errands done along with this too. Work has been driving me nuts, people have been driving me nuts, the dogs, and lack of sleep have just all gotten to me. So, here it goes.....

I wish that I could be more graceful sometimes, and just smile and let things roll off my back, but, that is not the person God made me to be. I wish that I could just let stuff go, venting about it, and for people just to realize that, my opinion is my opinion, and that is just what I think about things... but, people don't. There are so many things that go on in my life I would love to just spout off about, but, I can't. Why???? Because, I am not the only one who gets the feedback from what has been said. My husband does. I am really thinking of turning my blog into a private matter just so I can go back to what this blog was really started for, or start a new one, and have it for my 2 cents, and have it available by invite only. But, this blog was really made for one thing.. FOR ME. For me to be able to write about my feelings and about what all is happening in my life, battling infertility, and life. I hate having to worry about what other people think. I do not disclose names of the people that should be left private on here. After all this is my blog. There are soo many great things that do happen in my life that I would love to gush over and let the whole world know about, along with the things that upset me. After all, I am only human, and pregnant with raging hormones and now lack of sleep. I really am getting heartburn over all of this just as I type this right now, but, things in life are just flat out not fair.

Because of the things that go on in my life, I really do question my faith more than I probably should. It just is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. I find myself going over that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt quite often.. thinking of the people who are not willing to bend for me, but, are asking for me to bend over backwards for them, even though they may not even realize they are doing so. I really wish there was a manual for divorced families on how to get along. I hate being made to feel like I have to "chose" a side, even though it has been 10+ years since the divorce. I hate having to act like one is better than the other... come on you are our mom and dad.. our ONLY mom and dad, why do we have to chose between you? Why is it that when something is given to us, no matter what the occasion, or for what ever reason the gift was given, that it turns into a resentful competition? Why is it that you cannot even stand to be in the same room together, and do it for us? Did you ever really just think of me, or my family to be, before you acted like that, and just swallow your pride, or forget about what happened a long time ago, no matter who was at fault? I understand that this is all a new thing, not like the past, when everyone's parents were still married, but, please for our sake figure this out without dragging us in the middle of everything. If you cannot find it in yourself to do it for us, think about this little girl coming into the world in a short amout of time from now, and how you would like for her to see things in this world.

I realize that there are some people who do a lot for me, but, I really hate it when they hold it up over my head, like I am in eternal debt to them. Believe me, I am really really grateful to have you in my life and to have your help. I also hate it when people tell you or your spouse that you really don't want to do something, or question if you are really any good at something, even though it is something that makes you happy in life. We are supposed to build our loved ones up, not smack them down. Dreams are there for us to try to reach, don't rip them away from us! I know when Allen and I got engaged, we were young...19 years old. I can tell you from our first kiss, I knew Allen was the one I would spend my life with,I felt it. When we got engaged, no one was happy about it. NO ONE. After all, what did they all expect? We had dated for 3 years, known each other since the 4th grade, and were good friends for the whole year before we even started dating. So why was it such a big deal that we wanted to get married? We both had jobs, and could take care of ourselves after all. Yet, there are people all over the world that do things "backwards" to me anyway, and nothing is ever said about those people. I still to this day resent a whole lot that was said to us, and wish that people could have been more happy for us, and told us they were. There were some that tried to talk us out of even getting married the day after we were engaged. There were no congrats to us then, which really made me worry about when we were going to tell everyone that we were pregnant, even though we had been married for 6 years, and together for 10 years. I did not want a repeat of what had happened over 6 years before that. To my surprise we did have a lot of congrats, and everything went smooth for a while. Things have moved on now, obviously, and I guess now everyone can rest, knowing that our marriage was a good thing, and we have a happy and fulfilling marriage that gets stronger every day. We have been building our marriage up slowly, but, surely, now finally getting to start our family. I do want to say that I am grateful that we had all of the time that we did together before jumping into parenthood. Not a whole lot of people have to wait 5 years after getting married to start a family. But, to each his own.
There are things in life that really frustrate me, that I know I have no control over, and know I shouldn't be upset over, but, there are certain things that do get to me. I know one thing I am not alone with is my issues with becoming a parent. I have a few friends that have rode on that infertility roller coaster and know exactly how I feel about this. I guess that unless you have to work for something soo special, you really don't realize how special something is. I know that we are most likely more grateful for Hayleigh, than some people would be about having a child they did not wait years to get. I guess that it is all about living the experience. Unless you were there, you wouldn't understand. There are other things in this world that I just don't get, that really makes me question my faith too. I don't understand how in this world we can put someone on the moon, and still need a place like St. Jude's Children's hospital. Why is it that there are all of these children growing up without parents, either because they are foster children, or their parents just flat out do not care enough to be with their kids, and yet, there are people out there that would give a child a great stable home, would make great parents,but, cannot have children of their own? Why anyone could kill a baby through abortion, because they were either not careful, or the pregnancy is an inconvenience for them. I don't understand how or why in this country someone can work their whole lives and not get anything for it, but, the people that do not work, get a check for staying home and not working. After all, even though I work part-time, I work everyday, and there is money coming out of my check every week to go to someone who could physically be working, but, would rather stay home and just collect a check. I do not understand why the people that I work with, reward or baby the people who do not want to work yet pile it all on the people who do, do the work. But, these things happen.

There is a whole list of other things that get to me, probably just the same as a lot of other people, but, I would be here all night listing them off, I am sure. Anyway, you get the point. Some things just hit closer to home, and I just cannot talk about them on here because some people do not share the same views as I do, and cannot respect my opinion on my blog.

So, the dilemma is still out there.. separate blog, or private blog... you tell me what you think I should do, since I am having a hard time deciding for myself.

Please leave me a comment with your 2 cents, so, I can decide what to do with mine...

26 wks.. Hayleigh- you will never know how special you really are!

2010-04-12T17:55:00.000-05:00

We have made it to 26 wks today, and I could not imagine life any other way than it is right now. Hayleigh kicks constant now. I know when we finally get to meet her, I will really miss having these kicks and hiccups going on in there, even though it feels soo funny right now. I had a doctor's appt today. Everything went great.. I have only gained 2 lbs in the last 5 wks, so, that is great! I have gained a total of 12lbs according to my chart, which my goal is still 30 or less pounds for the total pregnancy. I am really proud of this. Some days it feels like all I do is eat, eat, and eat, and then being too exhausted to do much. Other days, I feel skinny, even though I'm not, and full of energy. Even Sandy was cheering me on, on my weight gain, after last appointment's scolding. Hayleigh's heartbeat on the fetel monitor ended up being 165 bpm. When Sandy was trying to take it, she was squirming around, and even kicked the fetel monitor in Sandy's hand. I felt it, and made a whooh sound, and Sandy commented on how she had just seen that kick, and how she had directly kicked the fetel monitor in her hand as well. She also commented on how active Hayleigh was, which is really a great sign for a healthy baby! I just hope she likes sleep after she comes. After the usual, I was sent on my merry way, and actually remembered to schedule an appointment BEFORE I left. (After the last appt, I forgot, and we just left... but, we also just found out what we were having too!) I go back in 2 weeks for my glucose screening, which to say the least, I do worry about. I just hope to God, that it comes back okay. I have heard all about the second screening, after you fail the first, and I don't know if anyone would want to see what will come from that... not eating from midnight on to about 8am... no thank you! So, for now, set for Tuesday, the 27th of April.. 28wks along, to do the screening.

One thing that I cannot say enough, is that how happy I am to be bringing this little girl into the world. Everything is becoming more real, with every kick and move, she is getting stronger everyday! I just want to let this little girl know, you will NEVER know just how special you really are to us, especially me! You are one of my dream come trues! With everyday that passes, I dream of who you will become, and what kind of a person you will be. I am sure that the acorn will not fall far from the tree. I just hope you have respect for others, and yourself among all, have the heart to help anyone in need, you have a appreciation for anything, no matter how big or small, good morals that everyone can see that you live by, and above everything, have love to share! You have taken sooo long to get here, we had to special order you straight from God, so, no matter what anyone tells you, you are a very, very special little girl! We could not be any more proud of you already! I promise to help you reach all of your dreams, try to make all of your wishes come true, and let you be your own person, and not criticize you for doing what makes you happy in life. You are a miracle!

The recap from the weekend: This past weekend was both great, and not so great. I'll have to do a whole blog on the not so great later. Allen mowed the front and back fenced in parts of our yard, and STRIPPED them both! I am sooo proud of him! He even broke out the weed eater and blower, and did a great job, trying to keep everything like I usually have it. I did get to mow too! I know, I know, not too great of an idea. I ended up mowing our very back part of our yard on the rider. I was surprised I could fit on it! Anyway, our very back part of our yard has no trees, and is completely flat and smooth. Mowing ended up taking me twice the time, since I went as slow as a turtle, jamming out to my stiletto radio as I went around the yard. I made sure and consulted Sandy about this all before I actually did it. Just as long as I took it easy, and did not go beebooping around and mowed no more than what I had in the very back- about 2/3 an acre, I would be just fine, as long as I stayed out of the heat too. Needless to say I was in total bliss, and totally relaxed after that. Kind of like I was mowing deprived in some ways I guess you can say. I ended up getting burst of energy and fixing two big dishes of cavatini for us too. Our weekend ended up being very productive, but pretty good to say the least.

I guess, I had better save the rest for my next post, otherwise, I will be here all night!

Baby Girl M.. Hayleigh's developments of the week:

Week 26 of Pregnancy

Major excitement: Your baby opens her eyes! On the flip side, you might wish yours would stay closed so you could get some sleep.

Your Baby in Week 26 of Pregnancy

What's up with your baby? She now weighs a full two pounds and measures nine-plus inches. And this week, her eyes, which until now were developing under fused eyelids, start to open. Of course, there's not much to see in there, but if your baby spots a bright light (or hears a loud noise) near your belly, you may notice an increase in fetal activity. (“Hey, I'm in here, Mommy! Where’s the party!”) What accounts for that response? Her brain is more developed and sophisticated

Your Body in Week 26 of Pregnancy

If a full night's rest has become elusive, welcome to the (sleepless) world of pregnancy insomnia. Between heartburn and leg cramps, bathroom runs and that big beach ball (with its protruding navel!) beneath your nightie, it's no wonder your body's having trouble calming down and drifting off. But there are lots of tactics to try that should help keep you in bed (and asleep!) instead of pacing the floor; these include daytime exercise, a daily dose of fresh air, and limiting fluids before you hit the hay.

Week 26 Pregnancy Tip: Baby's Movements in the Womb

Feel like you're carrying the Karate Kid with all the kicking going on? Your baby is actually practicing all kinds of movements that will eventually be used in life on the outside — including pedaling against your belly, a sort of prewalking skill. As your baby's nervous system becomes more developed, the movements will become much more coordinated. And as the baby gets bigger and stronger, the movements will become much more powerful…and occasionally, even painful to you. If your baby lands a good one, that tiny left hook might hurt — a lot. Another trick she may try — stretching that leg out so far that the foot becomes lodged between your ribs (ouch). Next time you come under attack, try changing positions or doing some stretches of your own. You can also gently push your baby back with your hand when your knee-jerker jerks a little too hard. You just might be able to send your slugger back into the corner of the ring!

Waiting.....

2010-04-09T13:16:00.010-05:00

Waiting.. I think this has been the theme of my life for the past few years now. Up until last summer, I had been waiting to get to meet Allen's family on his dad's side. We were waiting for something to happen in our lives... mainly get preggers on our own- fat chance of that happening in 5 years, but, I was still waiting and hoping. Then, last summer, we started waiting to find out what the problem was with not having any kids of our own yet, and finally go to a specialist instead of an OB/Gyno. After I was diagnosed with PCOS, and started moving on forward with the many trips to Evansville, then we were waiting for results. I would take my fertility drugs follow my chart to a "T", just to wait and find out how we did at the many ultrasound appointments- all of which I do not miss going to! Then, we would go in for the IUI, and wait almost 3 weeks to find out if we were preggers or not. After our first failed cycle, waiting to get to start our second IUI. Going through the second IUI, and waiting once again those 3 pesky weeks to see if it worked. Then, I was waiting for those pink lines to pop up, which the wait for that test to give me an answer did not take long, it was after I woke Allen up, and we had to wait to tell anyone. Waiting yet again! After the blood test, and my HCG levels were high, then, I was pacing the floor, waiting to see how many babies we had- a possibility of up to four then. Then, there were 2 babies, and I would wait until we could go back and see them again on the ultrasound, and wait to get released from the clinic in Evansville. We only ended up with one baby after that, and I was waiting for each appointment to make sure that our baby grew... waiting for the 3 month mark to finally breath. Made it to the 3 month mark, and then, waited to find out what we were having, finally found out we were having our precious little girl, soon to be named Hayleigh. Then, I was waiting for those first kicks and squirms. Now, I am waiting once again... waiting to get to the baby shower, waiting for us to go and pick up the furniture, and waiting to finally meet this little girl, and bring her home.

So, now, I am still waiting.....

my first round of meds

my first chart for my first IUI cycle that ended up failing

our results from our 2nd IUI - as Allen said that morning at 1am, that is a def yes!

Baby M 5 wks- twins, but couldn't get a clear pic of the 2nd baby

Baby M 7 wks- found out just one baby

Baby M 9 wks - discharged from Evansville

Pic of her face looking right at us
Baby M 21 wks - Girl!

Soon to be Hayleigh Anotonetta McCann

Our house waiting for our family right now....

What is sad, is that I had done a lot of waiting just to get preggers, and some people never do have to wait, instead, it is thrust upon them, or little effort has to be made for it to all work out.

What spurred this was looking at my facebook, and all of the other people in my life right now. I think majority of the women I know right now are preggers. I guess one could say something is in the water right now, but, not for everyone. There are a few people still waiting, just like I was. One of them should be finding out soon if her last visit to the same clinic I had went to was successful or not.. this is her 4th round- I only had to have 2. She has been waiting even longer than I have. Another, is just getting started with the whole roller coaster ride of infertility, starting lower meds for now. But, together, they are still waiting, along with thousands of other people, hoping to just get the chance to be a parent sometime soon. I know some people that had waited, and waited, and that chance never came to them.

Life I guess should be spent waiting, and enjoying the climb, rather than running around with one's head cut off, trying to reach the top as soon as possible. Now, granted, we all have to kick it up a notch every once and a while. If we hadn't kicked into gear, and went to the fertility specialist in Evansville last year, we would still be in 1st gear, waiting to even get started on our family. I guess, what I am saying is that we shouldn't try to blaze through life and climb it like we are on a race, but, at the same time, we shouldn't stall, just sitting in one place either. Sometimes, I know I want to focus on waiting, instead of enjoying the climb up that mountain of life, but, when I just sit back and relax every now and then, and enjoy where I am at for the time being, it makes that wait not soo bad. I guess with all of this rambling, I have had too much time to sit and think about waiting for everything.

The only reason I think that I have been thinking about all of the waiting, is that I know I will not have as much time to think about waiting here very soon, and, I am getting limited on how much I can actually do right now. I have energy, but, what energy I have gets burned soo quickly that I have usually just started getting into something, before I have to take a break. I really think in my mind deep down I have a checklist of what I want in my life...

1. find a great guy and get married......check

2. spend some time just the 2 of us and buy a house... check

3. spend time fixing up the yard and the house..... check

4. get pregnant and start a family........ check

5. ???? watch my family grow.........

6. grow old together and enjoy life........

Now, I know my list is quite a bit more detailed than that, but, I think we all have goals or a checklist that we are waiting to check off a milestone, amongst the little check points in our lives.

We just have to learn to enjoy the wait between each check point in our lives a little more.

Wordless Wednesday... What the Easter Bunny Brought Grandma

2010-04-07T16:50:00.003-05:00

Pretty Pink bag for such a Sweet Little Girl!

This is what the "Easter Bunny" brought my mom this year... She said she did not want candy or anything like that, so, I thought this would be just as sweet! My mom LOVES the color PINK, so, I had to get this. I had found this on Ebay quite a while ago, and had saved it for when we found out what Baby M was. I already have 2 diaper bags, and since my mom is soo independent with her own stuff, I thought this would be something useful for her. The diaper bag is pink/lime green, and has Hayleigh embroidered on the belly of the bag in the curlz font. You can get the bag in about any color combo, with different fonts for lettering also. If anyone is interested in purchasing one, the diaper bag was $28.00 which is not too bad, with free embroidery. The seller I got it from, did not have an Ebay store, so, you will have to search for it. The seller was happymonograms.

25 wks...Patience and Contentment Please!

2010-04-05T07:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I have made it to 25 weeks today with Baby Girl M, and I physically feel great. The other part of me has been kind of..well.. emotional. Patience is a virtue that I currently do not possess, or is very limited to certain groups of people. I guess some groups of people have just been getting to me lately, and my patience for them is pretty much gone before the day even gets started. The two main groups I have had a problem with are the elderly and a few people at work. Everyone else can breath knowing that they are spared the wack of a stick from me... for now.

Some of the elderly have just been driving me plain bananas. I guess the whole "I won't change or make things easier for you and be difficult, because I can, and I am old" card has finally hit the fan. I cannot stand the way they stare, since they are just sitting around and watching everything go on outside, since nothing is on tv. My mom's neighbor is guilty of this. He sits in his front window with binoculars, and watches the neighbors. He finally got up and told my mom about a month ago, that it looked like she was going to be a grandma.... duhh! I guess watched like that really makes me uneasy. Yesterday, Allen and I were almost in an accident with an old lady who was about 75- 80 years old... talking on her cell phone.. yes, a cell phone, and driving, well...trying to drive at the same time. She could not make the turn onto the street we were turning off of without stopping completely and re-gripping the wheel before she took off again. Never once did she put her phone down. I really don't get it. Just because you have had your drivers license for 50+ years, does not mean you are a professional driver. There are lots of other things I see driving that these older people are doing/not doing.... running red lights, stop signs, not getting over and staying in the middle of the road, not paying any attention to the on coming traffic, and pulling out in front of a car, whipping a car around like they are trying to qualify for a Nascar race, and then driving like they are in a parade after whipping out onto the road.... uggh the list goes on and on. I know these things have been going on all along, but, for some reason, I am really seeing them more now. I guess after riding with someone like this, and observing it from another vehicle both really get me worried. I worry about when Hayleigh gets here, what if one of these people actually does hit us, and hurts us? Not, only me, but, what about someone else's kids? I just worry more about this every day it seems. I just do not want to be involved in an accident with someone that should not even be driving - or have even passed their driving test, and had actually hurt me, Allen, or Hayleigh. I am really afraid of what I would say to that person.

I guess, the closer Hayleigh gets to being here, the more protective I seem to get of her. Some things I used to think I would be okay with, now, I am not quite sooo sure. Can some people really take care of her the way I would want her to? Will they actually pay attention to her? Strap her car seat in correctly, and drive safely with her? Will they respect my wishes, and hold themselves to the standard that I would hope they would meet with taking care of Hayleigh. I realize things will not be perfect, and I shouldn't stress out about these things, but, thinking about what could happen, really makes me want to just stay home and work from home. I know I would go stur crazy, but, sometimes, I really think I would not care. After all, we have waited a very long time to even get to where we are, I am just worried that something will happen, and we will lose everything we have longed to even have. I know that these feelings are mine and Allen's alone in this. I realize everyone close to us will love Hayleigh, but, they also did not have to go through everything we did just to get her here, and that makes her soo much more important to us than it would to someone else. Until you actually experience infertility, and deal with everything that comes along with it, it is very hard to understand.

The other set of people that bother me any more, are a few people that I work with, which I will not even get into the whole run down on that. I am home and not at work, so, I am okay. At least I can escape from work through the day, and not think about it. The older people thing is everywhere, and that is just something I cannot forget about as easily.

Now, that I have vented all of that, I really do feel a little better, but, I know these things will either get worse, or not even change at all.

On a good note, I have finally figured out what a baby hiccuping in your belly feels like. This morning it finally dawned on me that what I had been feeling every once and a while, was Hayleigh hiccuping. I guess it is just one of those things I was second guessing this whole time. Kind of just like when you first feel your baby move, and wonder if you really did or not, was it gas, or was it my imagination? I have also been relieved about my sugar/ glucose reading. I had been taking it a few times last week - last night was my third trial at this. After a meal and waiting 2 hours, my reading came back 112. That is a whole lot better than it was a few days ago. Made me breath a sigh of relief. I had been worrying about developing gestational diabetes this whole time. Since I have PCOS, I am at a higher risk for developing gestational diabetes, and with all of the fruit I eat, it really makes me worry sometimes. I do not go in for the glucose test until week 28.... coming up really really soon now! So, hopefully, I can keep this all leveled out, and not have to worry later on about it.

On the ending with a good note, I gues it will end on Hayleigh's developments for 25 wks.

How your baby's growing

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.

24 weeks...6 months = getting worn down

2010-03-31T21:33:00.002-05:00

Monday marked 6 months for me and Baby Girl McCann aka Hayleigh. I swear this keeps getting harder the further we get! So far, I have been keeping up with everything, but, the bigger I get, the harder it gets to keep the pace up! Allen and I got our first baby gifts from one of our registries yesterday. We had fun putting the stuff together, but, sit back and thought how much work this is going to be in the coming months.. putting stuff together, lots of stuff together.
I can just imagine what the rest is going to be like! I still have a million other things to get ready in the up coming 3 months and counting down.
I am soo ready for this weekend already! I need a break, but, that break will not be long. Saturday is already booked for yard work, and cleaning. My sister will be coming into town with her boyfriend to celebrate Easter with us, and I think we are wanting to cook outside on Saturday, since it will be sooo nice outside as well. My flowers I have planted from bulbs have sprouted and are ready to bloom, or are blooming right now in the kitchen. I absolutely love the smell from those tulips! Tulips are still my most favorite flower, even though they do not last long enough.
We have reached the point to where it is becoming a job just to go and visit with everyone anymore. To pack along Toby and Missy is a real chore, and they are just too much for me to take on by myself - so I don't even try to take them anywhere by myself anymore. We have soo much going on, that it now takes time away from what we can be getting done around the house that really needs done, besides sitting and relaxing at home, if we go anywhere to visit. I just keep thinking about what else needs to be done while we are visiting most of the time anymore.

I hate to be rude to some people, but, this is really hard for us right now, and it doesn't mean that our door is not open. Since the time change, it seems like I cannot catch up. Every Sunday, I turn around and it is already 4pm., and we have not even relaxed at home much, and supper needs to be getting started, laundry finished, before I have to get ready for bed to go to work, and try to catch up with Allen in the process.

I realize that some people do not like to leave their house to visit, but, we could really use the break right now, and have those people come to us. After all, after Hayleigh gets here, I really, really doubt if we will pack her and everything else up and take her all over creation, just so people can see her too. I hope people can understand this. We need help with this at this point in time.

On a different note, here is Baby M's developments for the week:

How your baby's growing:Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

Wordless Wednesday... I need a clone!

2010-03-31T21:30:00.000-05:00

So this is what my living room looks like for today... a mess! I have finished clearing out the nursery, and I have to wait for tomorrow, for Allen to be home and help me carry the stuff downstairs. At least progress is being made! I think right now I could really use 2 of me pre-pregnancy to get stuff done around here. It is really hard to get anything done, especially when Allen is home and everyone thinks we need to go to their house to visit them! I think from this point on, if some people want us to visit with them every weekend, they can take time from their day to come visit us instead. It has just been getting really hard to spend time at home and enjoy it, when we have soo much to get done, and people wanting to just sit around and visit. Not to mention, with the way things are right now, it is VERY VERY hard to pack the dogs around with us too. I hate to say the days of visiting other people are going to be put on hold for a while, until we can get caught up with everything. I am very tired right now, if you cannot tell, and I just cannot take much more of catering to everyone else right now.

Taboo

2010-03-25T18:33:00.004-05:00

This topic has been brewing with me for a good while now. One of my friends that has been going through infertility treatment has been discussing this with me for about 2 months now. What is it? The way people treat you, when you are either undergoing fertility treatment, or when you do finally get pregnant from undergoing fertility treatment. The topic was brought up one day in an email. My friend, was experiencing what I had already experienced with some of my friends. One of her close friends had quit talking to her, when she told her friend that she has having a hard time and she did not want to talk about it. After her explaining how different some of her other friends were acting to her, I told her about all of my experiences with my friends. It is unbelievable how people can act. Things that people do, not inviting you to a get together, because you don't have kids, not coming over, because you don't have kids, not talking to you because you don't have kids. Do these people really think we are soo baby hungry we would snatch their babies? We both could not believe the same reactions from people that we had both experienced. One would think that after finally getting pregnant after years of trying and fertility treatment, people would come around. Some, yes, some, no. There are either the people who snubbed you before when you were trying to get pregnant, that suddenly think now you are in the mommy to be club, you can finally get in. The other is the cheerleaders you had when you were trying to get pregnant, that are suddenly MIA when you do find out you are pregnant. I have had all kinds of comments made to me, that I don't think that the people saying them, really thought about what they were really saying. I had one person tell me that they did not like having me around, because with me being pregnant, it made things harder on them. That person and their spouse cannot agree on a final baby number, the person that made the comment does not want anymore kids, and their spouse does. And, to add injury to insult, we just happen to be having the sex of the baby that spouse wants. I don't know what these people want me to do.. wait until the stork brings her or what? I just hate tip toeing around these people. This is all really hard to understand why people act the way they do. Like we chose to have to deal with all of this? I would love for some of these people to actually have to work to even try to get pregnant. I guess some just don't get how hard this all actually really is. I just wish that people could be there and happy for you when you finally do reach the place you have been reaching for, for a long time.

I do have to say, there are the people out there that actually do get this. Not all of them have went through the same trials, but, they understand how important this is to you. I just want to say how much of a blessing these people are to have around! I don't have to feel guilty about being excited about finally being pregnant and having a baby. I realize that I tend to talk about babies a whole lot more now, but, if you were trying and trying for something that seemed soo out of reach, and you finally reached what you had been dreaming for, wouldn't you be a little excited?

23 wks... the brakes are broken! Welcome to Baby Land!

2010-03-24T16:24:00.003-05:00

We have made it 23wks on this last Monday! Our little baby girl has been quite an acrobat lately. Last week, Hayleigh decided she would flip over to my right side, back to the left, and back again, to the right side. She finally managed to settle in the middle after flipping back and forth 4 times in one day! I have been absolutely loving all of the kicking and moving -I just wish Allen could feel some of the kicks more. Since she is still butt down, and has been kicking down on my cervix and bladder, I am mostly the only one who gets to feel everything.

Yesterday, we finally started on the nursery. I still cannot believe how fast everything is moving along. We visited my mom yesterday too, and since she had been complaining about having all of the baby loot, and running out of room, I told her that we could start taking some of it home with us. We ended up bringing the first load back with us.. 3 months worth of diapers and baby wipes. We have also finally got the parish hall at St. Joe booked for the baby shower- it is set for Saturday June 5th now, so, I can get the invites ordered and ready to send out soon. We also made headway with the bedding for the nursery. I could not find anything on Pottery Barn that I fell in love with. A few weeks ago, my mom and I stopped past the Village Stitchery in Oblong, and fell in love with some of the fabric they had. The fabric goes with the whole French Country Cottage theme we are going with for the nursery. My mom and I both enjoy hand piecing and quilting, so, this will make the room all that more special. I wanted the room to be relaxing and simple, but, timeless. I still like all of the other themes, but, I wanted the nursery to be elegant, like Father of the Bride Part II, you open the door, and Franck Eggelhoffer says "Welcome to Baby land".

Well, since this little girl has been kicking me all throughout blogging this afternoon, I had better finish up, and start looking for what I will be having for supper tonight.

So, 23 wks... Baby M

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

Wordless Wednesday- Make room for Baby!

2010-03-24T16:14:00.004-05:00

Well, this is our upstairs spare room that we are using as the nursery for Miss Hayleigh. Allen swears the color of the walls is soo close to white, but, I disagree. I think that is the only thing we have disagreed with. I had actually painted this room a year ago, and love the room! I think it is really one of my favorite rooms in our house. It has a great view out to our front yard, with all of the flowers in bloom in the spring and summer. The maple tree out front puts out a warm yellow orange color every year too. The room is just very relaxing and peaceful in general. We still have to take down the day bed and move the dresser and sewing machine from the room. Missy and Toby had their big move last week from the room, and have been missing it ever since. The next pics I post should be showing the progress we are making!

22 weeks on Cloud 9

2010-03-15T14:57:00.002-05:00

Today, I have hit the 22wk mark with Baby M. I still cannot believe how fast this is all going, and this scares me. This all scares me, for not what is to come.. labor, and pain, but, how fast our little girl is going to grow! I feel great and I am really loving every minute of this! It sure does seem like someone has flipped a light switch, and this little girl has been on the move ever since. I sat at work this morning, and every now and then, I would feel a kick, and a move, then another kick. I swear she is in there doing summersaults! It seems like lately, I cannot get enough orange juice! I just bought a carton yesterday, and it is already half gone! Me and my fruit! I am about to die for a carton of blueberries too! IGA did not have any when I stopped yesterday, and I did not feel like going out to WalMart, so, all I have is grapes, apples, and orange juice. If anyone knows of a really good fruit buffet, I am all ears! I am soo happy with how things are right now, I really would be happy if things would be put on pause for a while, but, life moves on, and I am sure this little girl will be ready to meet the world soon enough!

I have a ton of stuff to do on my "to do" list. I have not even started on the nursery room yet! Toby and Missy still have not been moved downstairs yet, but, that is on my list for the day to do. I know, usually I am jumping in and going all out on something, especially, when I am this excited. I think I am still afraid that this could all be ripped away from me, just as quickly as it was given to me. The great thing is that in a few weeks, if something were to go wrong, Baby M could survive with the help of a medical center. I really hope that nothing goes wrong, but, in this world, life is not always fair, and things do happen. I just hope that we do not have to go through anything like that ever.

Anyway, we are both still on cloud 9. I am doing great with the weight gain.. just 10lbs total for this whole pregnancy. I am very proud of this- fruit cravings have been a great thing, since I have not been out of the house exercising much. I did learn one thing... me and preggo capris do not mix! I tried on a couple of hundred of pairs, and decided one thing.. they make me look short and like my pants have shrunk bad.. so, it will be shorts for outside of work, and khakis for work. Well, since I have nothing else new to report on, I guess I might as well move onto Baby Girl M's developments of the week!

How your baby's growing:
At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

Think Pink

2010-03-14T09:35:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was quite a busy day to follow an exciting day. I know Friday night, I stayed up until 12:30am, starting to fill out the baby girl baby book my sister gave us at Christmas. I figured I would get a jump start on that, since I have the energy now! I know that we will never forget Friday for the rest of our lives, just like we will never forget the night we found out we were expecting. The whole appointment went well, Baby Girl M's heartbeat was 162bpm, and everything checked out just fine. I couldn't believe how warm the gel was on my belly, since this was the first external ultrasound I have had. My mom stood by my head, Allen was right next to me with the camera, and Allen's grandma and grandpa stood back toward my feet. The technician started with Baby M's head, going over everything with us, and measuring as she went. My mom was about to bounce around, she was excited about getting to the bottom of Baby M. The technician then moved onto the chest and checked all of the major organs, and then took the heartbeat. When the screen popped up with the heartbeats per min., Mom was getting really excited, and kept going on Baby M was a girl..thank God she was right! After checking everything out, we started watching Baby M, move around, touching her toes, waving, gulping amniotic fluid, and flexing her fingers. She likes to stay curled up in a little ball needles to say. After the ultra sound, we went to my prenatal appointment. Everything went well, nothing new, except we got the booklet on the pregnancy classes at the hospital, with the dates and times. We got done with the appointment, and headed out to Allen's grandparents.

Needless to say, no matter where we are, some people act like well, maybe next time we will get a boy. I don't get it! Everyone should be excited for a girl- that is what we are having, not just me! Girls can do almost anything too! I don't understand it, but, we are thrilled we are getting a baby girl.

Yesterday, we took off to Evansville, to start registering for baby gear. Allen thoroughly enjoyed using the scan gun at Babies R Us, scanning things when I was not looking. I just kept catching him scanning everything PINK! I love pink, but, does pink have to be the only color this poor girl gets? I was looking at the blue stuff as well, and commenting on how cute they all were, and Allen replies that we are having a girl, not a boy. I know, I know, but, girls can have a few blue things too? After all, if this little girl turns out like her Mama and Daddy, I am sure she will love the not soo girly stuff as well as the Barbies, and baby dolls. Anyway, back to registering. We found out that we can get an extra 10% off of items that were registered for, but, not purchased. So, naturally, we registered for our crib set. I doubt if we wait until after the baby shower to go and pick them up, but, if we do, what's an extra 10% off? We also found out that the dresser and armoire are fully assembled in the box, so, we will have to bring a trailer to go and pick them up, when we do. It was amazing what all they told us to register for.. diapers, detergents, wipes, safety guards, and GIFT CARDS?? I thought that was a little weird, but, we went ahead anyway with the gift cards. I don't think we will have to register for any diapers or wipes, considering my mom buys a couple big packs a week at CVS with her coupons. I just did not think that detergent would be something someone would want to bring to a baby shower. Who knows?

Anyway, I cannot believe the advice or comments you receive when you are pregnant, and are at a baby store! Allen was wearing an underarmor hat and sweat shirt, and we had a older lady come up and tell us that they don't make pack and plays in camo...ummmmm, no kidding! I guess she just assumed we were having a boy, and then asks what we were having. A GIRL, and NO we do not want camo on everything! UGhhhhh! What is it with people when they see a small fraction of camo, they think you are going all out camo everything? Still some of the few things I do not get!

So, after registering for a few hours in Babies R Us, we went out and grabbed a bite to eat, before heading over to see Rodney Carrington at the Centre. We were really happy with our seats, 3rd row from the front, right in the middle. We were instructed on all of the dos and don'ts, since we were in the first three rows. The guy who opened for Rodney was really funny. Right off of the bat, Baby M was moving all around, kicking and squirming. I could not believe how much she was moving around in there! I think the fact that we were sitting right in front of one of the sets of speakers, kind of had a hand in it. She must have really liked all of the music and laughing that was going on. She ended up kicking almost the whole time! I thought I was going to have to leave a few times, or pee my pants, from her kicking straight down at my cervix and bouncing on my bladder. It is just soo amazing how much of a night and day difference has been on feeling her kick. The first kick was last Saturday, I did not really feel her until later on in the week, and then, she really started in on Friday. I think now that we know she is a she, she wants to make her presence known now!

Ultrasound Day....

2010-03-12T15:49:00.004-06:00

Well, I might as well cut to the chase.. Baby M is a Girl! Let me just say we are just happy as can be that everything checked out just fine, and she is healthy! She is butt down right now,and likes to touch her toes, and wave her hands and flex her fingers. My mom is elated, since she has bought 95% girls clothes to this point. I am currently uploading the video onto youtube, and it is taking forever! So, here is one of the few pics we have. It is not the greatest, but, I will take anything as long as she is healthy! We plan on later getting the 4D ultrasound done also, so, we should have some better ultrasound pics on here sometime soon! Allen and I are both just thrilled to be having this sweet little girl bless our lives, and could not ask for more!

I will have more details later on this weekend as soon as our feet come back down and touch the ground!

Time to think and worry...

2010-03-11T07:49:00.005-06:00

Well, tomorrow is the day we will be hopefully finding out what Baby M is.. Boy or Girl. For the most part I am really excited to finally be finding this out, even though we could have a few weeks ago already. I think more than anything now, I have been kind of worrying about something being wrong with Baby M,or Baby M just being healthy in general more than what sex Baby M is. I really will be happy either way if Baby M is a boy or girl. Allen is really excited, and can't wait.. kind of like a little boy at Christmas! We are planning on going to Evansville on Saturday, and stopping past Babies R Us, and Motherhood Maternity, to pick me up some preggo capris with the full belly, and maybe something small for Baby M. I cannot believe that already in 3 1/2 months, Baby M will be due! Time is flying by faster than I would like for it to, but, the weather warming up, and Spring springing up, makes me really ready for flowers to bloom, and be planting annuals in my flower pots outside. I have just started my 3 day weekend now, and have been looking forward to today for quite a while. I have not had a day off work since New Years, and have been in in dire need for one for sometime now! It is soo funny that with us hopefully finding out what Baby M is tomorrow, how many people are wanting to be called immediately! These same people never do call me, but, expect for us to call them with the "news". I was talking to Allen about this last night, and it is just ridiculous to me, how I never do hear a peep from some people, unless I make the phone call to them, but, with tomorrow's event, they think they need on a VIP call list! This really irritates me somewhat. I mean, I am home 80% of the time, and everyone is afraid to call me, because, I could be sleeping, and they do not know when to call me. AFTER 12pm PEOPLE! uhhhhhh! I needed that! Anyway, I just know that I will be taking some much needed R&R this weekend with Allen. We are going to see Rodney Carrington at the Centre in Evansville, and we are both in need of some laughs. I love just spending time with Allen, discussing things going on, and just being us two. I know these days are numbered so, we having been trying to savor all of this time together that we can. I guess, for the most part, I will have to relax and try not to worry about what tomorrow will bring!

Dreams, Pondering, and Feeling Surreal at 21 Weeks

2010-03-09T16:16:00.007-06:00

With the time passing by soo quickly anymore, I have been thinking a lot lately of what is to come, and about how far we have really come in the last year. A year ago, we had no plans of trying to start a family - going to a specialist. Last year, I was worrying about what flowers were going in my flower beds for the year, and what color of mulch to switch to. Last year, I had no idea that we would be anywhere near where we are now. November seems like years ago to me now. The night we found out we were expecting.. I would love to go back and live that over again - since this has all flown by sooo fast! It is kind of funny, in November I was ready to be where I am now, 21 weeks, feeling the baby move when I wake up. Now, I would love to live it all over again, except the hung over feeling. I think I would try to savor it all more than I did, even though I really tried to live every moment of it all. All my married life, I have been waiting to make a test pop up with two pink lines, failing everytime. Now, we have passed that point, obviously, and now, I am waiting for stronger kicks,and that ultrasound on Friday! It is scary how fast your life can change in a year. I feel like I have mellowed into some sort of an anchor point in my life now. I am where I am supposed to be. Yet, I keep wondering where we will be in a year, 5 years, 10 years, and so on. When I was 12 years old, I dreamed of my life as something quite different. I thought I would move away to college, have an apartment, with a cat, get married, and that would be that. I never dreamed it would turn out like this, or be this sweet. I have a husband, who loves me despite any of my flaws, and I love him just as much. I never imagined that I would be soo in love still, or that I would have as strong as a marriage with my best friend as I do. I am pretty content with the way things are right now, even though there are a few bumps every now and then. I know everything will work out, as long as I have Allen by my side, and he has me.

The only other thing I have been thinking and wondering about lately, is how our future will be with both my parents, and Allen's parents being divorced with a new baby entering the picture. I know my parents never had to deal with things that Allen and I will with having divorced parents and your own family to raise. Allen feels the same way. It seems like there is no guide out there for how to blend a family with divorced grandparents to be. I wish that there was, so I could hand it out to a few people. I wonder about how they will interact with our kids, and what kind of a relationship they will have later. I have faith that they will be civil in front of the grand kids, and just really wonder what this will all be like later on. There are just some things that cannot be celebrated twice, their birth, graduations, birthdays, first communions, to Christmas. I just guess that I, we, worry about someone holding their pride above the grandchild that is before them, and miss out on special events in that child's life. I guess I hope that they will see what is fair for our kids, and not about who is at an event, to bringing up past events that do not matter now. I guess that my wish for the future is that everyone gets along, and no matter what happens, everyone keeps to heart what is fair and best for Baby M, not what they think is best for themselves. I know with some of the past months events that have happened, it makes me worry more and more about the future. I just don't want Baby M, or any future children to miss out on anything because, "Grandma", or "Grandpa" did not want to come, because they would have to spend time with the one they divorced years before.

I hope for the best like any other parent does, along with Allen for our child's future. I just hope it turns out better than I expected it would in the end.

Baby M this week:

How your baby's growing:
Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.